TITLE: Graveside Questions
AUTHOR: Rae
SPOILERS: William
DISCLAIMER: ::snort::
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask.
I'll most likely be thrilled and say yes.
FEEDBACK: ultimatexffan@hotmail.com
THANKS: ga and Sallie read this late last
night and then they sent me some amazing
feedback that made me feel really really
good. :)
Thanks to all the members at IWTB for
continuing to inspire, for creating a
wonderful atmosphere in which to work.
Graveside Questions
Hi there. I brought you some fresh flowers.
I see that the daffodils didn't last too
long this time; maybe these daisies will be
stronger. You always liked daisies. At least
you have fresh flowers. Sometimes I feel
that no one ever visits the dead. As soon
as you pass, people forget you.
I almost didn't come. I was so angry with
you. I don't know if I'll ever come again.
Just know that it isn't because I've
forgotten you; only that I can't forget.
I found your hidden papers today. Did you
think I'd never find them? You must have
thought I'd never discover your little
secret, hidden in the false siding of the
cedar chest. The pain of your death is still
so new, so raw. Losing a parent isn't an
easy thing. I can still remember mourning
Dad when he passed away two years ago.
But to learn that you weren't even really my
parents to begin with -- how can I even
begin to reconcile this?
One thought keeps running through my mind.
Every single word from your mouth has been a
lie. You and Father continuously lied to me.
Every question was met with a sidestep from
the both of you: The red hair and blue eyes
aren't a re-emerging gene from your great-
grandfather who caught a boat from Ireland.
I wasn't an only child for the simple fact
that you wanted to lavish all your love on
one child -- you couldn't bear any children
at all.
Why didn't you tell me? Now that I know the
truth, you're not here to answer for what
you've done. The lies continue from the
grave. All the questions...there are so
many. The documents only give me a place
from which to start with all the whys.
Did you know my birth mother? Did she want
to give me up, or was she forced to? Was she
a young teen mother who couldn't take on the
responsibility of a newborn baby? Did I
nurse from her breast?
And what about my father? Does he know of my
existence? Was giving me up a decision the
two of them made together? Did they cry as
they handed me over? Or were they happy to
be rid of me? I honestly believe I could
deal with that fact. I just want to know the
truth, whatever it is.
Do they ever think of me? Wonder if I'm
happy? Do they dream that the small baby
they held eighteen years ago grew up to be a
responsible young man with unruly red hair
and a love for basketball? If they had kept
me, would they have warned me that I could
be colorblind like one of them, and that no
matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to
carry a tune?
Did they go on to have other children? I may
have brothers and sisters I don't even know
about. Will I unknowingly meet a long-lost
sibling years from now as I stand in line to
get coffee? Have I passed them on the street
a thousand times already, never guessing
that we were related?
I've heard that sealed records are
impossible to breach. My friend,
Kevin, the one you were always worried
about, the one you thought would end up
behind bars...he says he can probably hack
into the county or state records for me. By
the time I'm finished here, he should have
some answers for me. Imagine that -- in one
hour, I'll find out more about myself than I
ever learned from you.
Kevin keeps telling me that I shouldn't be
angry with you, that all you did was take a
baby boy into your home and love him. Maybe
one day I'll see it that way. Hell, maybe
I'll even see it that way once I know the
whole story. It's just the fact that you
kept it hidden. Would it have been so
horrible for me to know that you didn't give
birth to me?
One more question before I leave. Is my name
really William?
end
all of my stories can be found at:
http://www.oocities.org/rachellee7/fanfic.html