TITLE: Guessing Games
AUTHOR: Rae
CATEGORY: MSR
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Although, I've heard whispers that
they have more fun at my house...
DISTRIBUTION: Yes, just please keep my name and this
heading with it. It would also be appreciated if you
would let me know so I may come and visit you.
SUMMARY: A discussion about fears
FEEDBACK: Please. I beg of you. There is no shame in
begging... ultimatexffan@hotmail.com
NOTES: This story was written for and is dedicated to my
dear friend, sallie. Not because I've been promising her
a salliesafe(TM) story for over a year now without
delivering. Not because she has been asking for a first
time, post-ep THEEF fic since Pacquin put it in her head
that it was more likely a scenario than ALL THINGS
(although she'll take those as well). And not because
she answers my phone calls as if I'm the most important
person at the moment, even though there is a house full
of kids waiting to be fed. This story is for sallie -
just because. :)
Guessing Games
Georgetown
March 17, 2000
Friday, 2:57pm
The flight home from California was longer than I
remember. Or maybe I'm just more exhausted than I've
ever been. The latter is likely the more appropriate of
the two choices. The continent didn't just magically
grow bigger, after all.
Skinner calls while Mulder drives me home. I tell him
he'll have our report by Monday morning, relieved that
he gets the hint I'm not in the mood to go over any of
the particulars at the moment.
I know it's unnecessary, but I make an appointment to
see my optometrist before taking a hot shower and
crawling into bed. I don't even hazard a second look at
my luggage sitting inside the bedroom door. It will
mean an extra trip to the drycleaner's, but my mind is
insisting on at least eight hours of uninterrupted rest,
and unpacking seems too much to handle at the moment.
I lie in my bed begging for sleep to take me, but my
mind won't quiet enough. I keep flashing back to that
moment in the cabin when I could no longer see. I've
never imagined what it would be like to feel so
helpless, so out of control.
Sleep. I just need to sleep.
I bolt to a sitting position when I hear the front door
snick closed. A glance at the clock, and I'm stunned to
see that I slept fourteen hours straight. I grab my gun
and step lightly into the hall.
Squinting through the pre-dawn darkness, I make out a
large shape moving cautiously through the living room.
Without pausing, I quickly widen my stance and take aim.
The clicking of the safety coming off and the bullet
sliding into the chamber echoes in the waiting air.
"It's just me, Scully."
Startled by the sound of his voice, I'm at once relieved
and annoyed. Relieved that it's just Mulder and not
another monster slipping into my solitude. Annoyed that
my partner broke into my house at five 'o clock in the
morning.
"Mulder? What are you doing here?"
I lower my arms and place my weapon on the table beside
me. I turn back into my bedroom, grab my robe and slip
my arms through the sleeves while walking back to the
hall. As I make my way towards the kitchen, I tie the
belt, cinching it tight against my waist. I fill the
kettle with water and pull the teabags from the pantry,
then sit at the table to wait for the water to boil and
for Mulder to speak.
He pulls two mugs from the cupboard before sitting in
the chair opposite mine. I'm too damned tired to repeat
my question, and don't care enough right now to open a
conversation on something mundane and trivial. I just
want to sleep.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"You couldn't call?"
"I did. I called at seven. Then again at nine and ten.
Then midnight. And then once every hour until three, at
which time it was once every half hour. At four thirty,
I got in the car and called from my cell phone. I let
the phone ring until I got here and could hear it while
standing outside your door. What woke you up?"
"I heard the door close."
He smiles faintly, and I manage a slight grin at the
absurdity of the door whispering closed waking me when
the phone constantly ringing didn't even cause me to
stir.
Mulder rises when the kettle begins to whistle. I drop
the teabags into the mugs as he pours the water. When
he questions where the honey is, I point to one of the
doors and watch as he also pulls a spoon from the drawer
beside the sink.
While the tea is cooling, I rest my elbows on the table
and prop my chin in my hands. It's a struggle to keep
my eyes open.
With nothing else to keep his hands busy, Mulder stirs
and stirs and stirs his tea, staring at the murky
liquid. I don't know if he's afraid to look at me, or
is busy collecting his thoughts, preparing to unload
whatever's on his mind.
He finally draws a deep breath and looks up, taking
another moment while studying my eyes. He must not have
found what he was looking for because he suddenly starts
talking.
"You were extremely quiet the whole way home. When you
didn't answer your phone at first, I thought you were
avoiding me. I don't why you would, but it's what I
thought. And even though you have been known to ignore
me when it suits you, you've never done so for such a
stretch of time. I got worried. I'm sorry. It wasn't
my intention to..."
He stops talking as suddenly as he had started. I take
a breath and release it. The silence beats a cadence in
my head. I take a sip of tea not knowing if he expects
me to respond. Just as I open my mouth, he continues.
"It's just that so much has happened. To you. Here. I
didn't...I couldn't begin to guess at what could be going
on that was keeping you from answering the damn phone.
But I was scared. So I came over. That's what this was
all about."
He goes back to stirring the tea he has yet to taste,
dropping his eyes once more to the drink.
"I was just so tired once I got home. I can't remember
the last time I was that tired."
A silence stretches between us as I drink my tea and
Mulder stirs his, watching the kitchen grow brighter and
brighter as the sun creeps over the horizon.
It takes a moment for my brain to register everything he
said. I look up and ask, "You were scared?"
His head bobs up and down, his eyes never lifting to
meet mine.
"I'm sorry I frightened you, Mulder. But you can see
that I'm fine. There's no boogeyman in the closet, no
monsters under the bed. There aren't even any
illiterate mountain men looking to avenge their
daughter's death with straight pins and popples."
"Yeah. It's good to know - almost cause for a
celebration. I think we've had more than our fair share
of freakys. Thanks for the tea, Scully. I'll let you
get back to sleep."
"I don't know if sleep is going to happen, but you're
welcome for the tea."
Mulder rises from the table, places his still-full mug
in the sink and makes his way towards the door.
"I'll see you on Monday. Have a good weekend. Get lots
of rest. I promise not to bother you again."
"You weren't bothering me, Mulder."
"I woke you up."
"Yes. But you had good reason."
He turns his back and opens the door. As he steps into
the hall, he gives a little wave and begins walking
away.
"Mulder."
Instead of just turning around, he walks back to me and
stands, waiting for me to continue.
"What are you doing later?"
"Later?"
"Yeah. You know, like around a decent hour, later."
"Unpack. Watch some tv. Maybe shoot some hoops. I
dunno. I hadn't really thought about it. Why?"
"I was thinking we could get together. We could have
lunch or dinner or see a movie or something. You know,
to celebrate the lack of freakys."
His eyebrows slowly rise until they're nearly even with
his hairline.
"Don't look so surprised!"
"Well, I guess I am a bit surprised. I'm just not used
to getting invitations to spend time with you."
I cross my arms over my chest and wrinkle my forehead in
mock annoyance. He lifts his arms in surrender.
"Alright. Sorry. Of course I'd love to get together
with you later. I'll be back around noon and
we'll...hang. See ya."
And before I can respond, he's halfway down the hall,
whistling on his way out the door.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Georgetown
March 18, 2000
Saturday, 1:06pm
"That was a great lunch, Scully. Thanks."
"I'm glad you liked it. What would you like to do now?
See a movie? Go for a walk?"
"How about we just sit here and talk for a bit?"
"Got something on your mind, Mulder?"
"Not necessarily. It's just that we only got back into
town yesterday. I don't feel much like going out."
So, we sit on my couch. Mulder picks up the remote
control, thumbs on the television and starts surfing the
channels. After two complete cycles, nothing has caught
his eye and he turns it off.
"Can I ask you a question, Scully? You don't have to
answer."
"What is it?"
"What's the most scared you've ever been?"
I don't even have to think about it. The answer
automatically comes to my lips.
"When I was dying of cancer. I wasn't afraid of death
because I don't feel that I have anything to fear from
it. I was scared for you."
He looks up at me quickly, his eyes wide in amazement.
I've surprised him twice in less than twelve hours. I'm
on a roll.
"Why do you look so shocked, Mulder?"
"I guess I just never expected you to reveal something
like that to me."
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Because you never have before?"
"Maybe it's because you've never asked before."
At that, he just sits there and stares at me. It takes
him a moment to regain composure.
"You were saying you were scared for me?"
I nod. "I was afraid to leave you. I've seen firsthand
the lengths you go to for answers. I didn't want you to
spend the rest of your life railing against the winds
for something beyond our control. I knew that you
wouldn't just accept my death and move on. And that
frightened me."
"I could never 'just accept your death', Scully."
"I didn't want to become another Samantha."
A few moments pass in heavy silence, both of us
processing what I just said.
"Believe me, Scully, you are so much more than a lost
little sister to me."
I glance at Mulder and he gives me a goofy smile,
letting me know I didn't offend him with my declaration.
"What scares you, Mulder?"
"My world without you in it."
Stunned, I try to put a response together. Mulder
doesn't give me a chance to say anything before
continuing.
"I've had a preview of what my life would taste like
without your special brand of spice. It leaves me
hungry, wanting more."
What probably started out an attempt for levity, quickly
turns into something deeper. I can see by the look of
terror on his face that he's afraid he's said too much.
"Funny. I don't remember you ever tasting me."
The air has suddenly become charged. The mood has
shifted from easy banter to something far more
dangerous. We've been here before. Right here. In the
past, one of us has always stepped back, played the safe
hand. Right now, I'm determined to push past our safe
limits.
"You do keep me guessing, Scully."
"It's my job to keep you a little on edge."
"You keep me a lot on edge."
"Kinda makes you wonder what else I'd reveal - if only you
bothered to ask, huh?"
His face instantly turns to stone. He's watching me
with a look so intense; I have to wonder if I'm treading
shaky ground. Maybe I misread the situation. Perhaps
Mulder is content with our status quo. Shit! I've just
fucked everything up.
"Mulder, I'm sorry, I-"
He cuts me off before I can say anything more.
"Can I kiss you?"
"Huh?"
"You said I should ask."
"Ask?"
I'm completely confused and I have no idea where this
conversation is headed. Weren't we talking about fears?
"If I want something. You said I should ask. Could I
kiss you, Scully?"
My mouth has gone dry. I can't answer, so I just nod.
Mulder leans in close, cradles my face in his hands and
kisses me so tenderly, I'm sure we're on to something
good here. We kiss and kiss, tilting our heads first
one way and then another, sipping from each other's
mouth. With a sigh, we part and pull away.
"No," he whispers.
"No?" I ask.
"Come back here, Scully. I wasn't done."
"No?"
"No. I want more."
His mouth crashes against mine, hungry for contact, and
I realize I'm just as ravenous as he is. Suddenly it's
all about lips and tongues and teeth and breath. My
mind can't process anything else. Mulder is devouring
me. I've never been kissed like this. I try to tell
him, but he won't let go. He groans inside my mouth and
I feel the vibration all the way to my toes.
Now I know what it feels like to walk on clouds.
Nothing else can compare to the feeling of being kissed
so soundly, that nothing else in the world exists at
that moment. Time has stopped. Everything outside of
our embrace has ceased.
I gently pull away, needing to look at Mulder. I have
to see his face to know what he's thinking. He doesn't
let me go very far. He follows my head with his own,
leaning into me until I feel myself reclining against
the couch. All of a sudden, I feel sixteen again. I'm
making out with my latest crush and the feeling is as
heady as it was then, only this time, love has
compounded the experience into something else entirely.
Exhilarating.
Hands begin to roam. Mulder pushes my sweater up,
revealing the black lacy bra underneath. He sits up a
bit, letting the cool air settle against my bare belly
and shoulders.
"Lace, Scully? I always pictured you as a satin kinda
girl."
"I'll always keep you guessing." I pull him back to me,
slip my hands under his shirt and run my hands up the
smooth expanse of his back.
"This has to come off, Mulder."
He reaches behind him and pulls the Henley over his
head, and then ducks back down, reclaiming my mouth.
Soon, his lips are everywhere at once. My mouth, my
neck, my eyelids and nose. He won't stay in any one
place longer than a heartbeat. Fingers and ears, belly
and breasts - all are visited by Mulder's lips. He
laces his fingers inside of mine as he continues to
roam. Every nerve ending in my body is tingling. I can
hear my heart pounding in my chest; feel my blood
rushing through my veins. My skin is on fire. The
cloud I was walking earlier has fogged my senses. I'm
nothing more than feeling, my body naturally responding
to the stimulus of Mulder. I'm completely lost in him
and don't ever want to find my way back.
Through the fog in my head, I hear a faint mumble and
strain to listen. It's Mulder and I realize he's
talking as he's mapping my body.
"...beautiful...taste so good...mmmmm...love this...want you..."
"I want you too." Panting. I'm panting. Oh my God! I
need more. I want everything with this man. I want
tomorrow and yesterday. And even that doesn't seem like
enough. I want to be his happiness and own his tears.
I need to know that we have forever. Nothing could ever
satisfy me.
"I want you to make love to me, Mulder."
My response instantly grounds us both. We slow our
hands and mouths, taking deep, calming breaths.
"We should talk about this, Scully."
"Uh uh." I shake my head. "I don't want to talk about
this Mulder. I don't want to talk at all." I have
never been so sure of anything in my life. This is
right. This is true.
"What if I want to talk about it?"
Our forever has just started and he's already trying to
stop it. I struggle to sit up, but Mulder is still
lying on top of me. He quickly pushes himself up,
settling back against the couch. Now free, I stand up,
pull him up with me and start heading towards the
bedroom. We can't plan for tomorrow if we don't get
through today.
"Fine. You can talk about it, Mulder. You can tell me
where to kiss, where to suck, how to stroke and how hard
to thrust."
"God, Scully."
Pulling him over to the bed, I push him until he sits on
the edge, then step back and unbutton my jeans, letting
them fall to the floor, revealing the scrap of lacy
black panties. Mulder's mouth drops open when I reach
up and flick the clasp that spills open my bra.
"Let's talk about if I should blow you first so that you
have more staying power. And have you ever been deep
throated? I want to know if you prefer licking or
biting. Do you like it hard and fast or soft and slow?
And when you come, I want to hear you tell me how good
it feels."
"My, uh...umm, my mind...I'm still back at suck."
I step out of my panties and crawl onto the bed,
straddling Mulder. I reach down between my legs and
open his button fly, then gently push on his shoulders
and follow him down to the mattress.
"I think we've done enough talking, Mulder."
"Just say suck again, Scully. Or blow. Or how about
you just repeat everything you've said in the last
minute."
I would, but my mouth is full.
Forever takes flight and I hang on for the ride.
END
Elements from sallie:
M/S first-time sex (Post THEEF)
The phrase, "You do keep me guessing" (Mulder) or
"I'll always keep you guessing" (Scully)
Sharing a meal/something edible
A phone call from Skinner or Kersch
TV (broken or working)
A watch or clock that has stopped working
Lacy underwear
Magic
A celebration or something celebratory
Notes: Some of the elements were a bit more obscure
than others - but I assure you they're all there. :)
I have to thank Char for coming to my rescue to give a
quick beta in between trips to the oven to baste the
turkey.
(
geocities.com/rachellee7)