TITLE: Lost: A Christmas Tale of Love and Hope
AUTHOR: Rae
CATEGORY: MSR, S, Angst
RATING: Not even a bad word.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Although, I've heard whispers that
they have more fun at my house...
DISTRIBUTION: Feel free to link:
http://www.geocities.com/rachellee7/lost.txt
SUMMARY: Christmas isn't always merry.
FEEDBACK: Please. I beg of you. There is no shame in
begging... ultimatexffan@gmail.com
UMMMM: This is un-beta'd. All mistakes are mine.
"If there is a God, whence proceed so many evils? If there
is no God, whence cometh any good?"
December 23, 2005
Dana Scully wasn't doing it because she cared, or even out
of some long forgotten sense of spiritual celebration, but
because it beat the alternative of just sitting around and
waiting for nothing to show, or happen, or...anything.
She'd long ago given up hope. After all, it had been more
than three years since she had last heard from Mulder, and
the rule was, come hell or high water, a message would be
delivered by Christmas.
She and Mulder had hid in New Mexico until December 22,
2002. The date Mulder had been given had been off by ten
years. The invasion had been swift and for the most part,
ineffectual, which had led Mulder to believe They would be
back. Except for the occasional unexplained blip on radar
screens, the skies have been empty of menacing alien
aircraft since December 24, 2002.
Within forty-eight hours, buildings had been leveled and
lives had been lost, but the general infrastructure of the
World had remained intact. Disease had followed and more
lives were lost, but the electricity still ran and one
could drink the water as long as it was boiled first, or
one had chlorine tablets at their disposal.
The following day, Scully had stood in the open bedroom
door, watching Mulder pack another bag. He told her he'd
contact her as soon as he had information, or by the same
time the following year, no matter what. His lack of
correspondence for the last three years had led Scully to
believe her love must have died and no one had known to
contact her.
After placing the ragged angel on top, she stepped off the
small ladder and took a few steps back to get a good look
at the whole tree.
It certainly wasn't the best-looking Christmas tree. Most
of the needles had already fallen off, and only half the
strand of lights actually lit up when they were plugged in.
Not to mention that more than half the ornaments were
chipped or too far gone to even hang. It definitely gave
off a look of 'dismal', but then again, everything about
life, and the world in general, was pretty bleak, so why
should a tree be any less so? Images from "A Charlie Brown
Christmas" began to play through her mind and she almost
smiled when she realized that the sad looking tree from
that once beloved Christmas movie would look like the
Rockefeller tree if placed beside the one in her living
room.
The last two years, Scully had put the tree up as soon as
they'd started selling them. She had been certain Mulder
would make sure to get to her so they could spend the
Holiday together. She'd watered the tree until no amount
of water could keep it from dying. When the branches
became so brittle that her ornaments would fall off, she'd
reluctantly take it down. She couldn't stomach the thought
of replacing the lost ornaments, or replacing the bulbs in
the light strands, so each year the tree looked more and
more pitiful.
Scully contemplated pulling out the flour, sugar, rolling
pin and cookie cutters, but wasn't sure if she could bring
herself to bake for just herself as she had during the
previous years when the hope she held was still alive and
she could feel it coursing through her veins, warming her
enough to ward off the deep December chill.
For all the trouble she went through, Christmas just wasn't
Christmas if there wasn't anyone to share it with.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"For in all adversity of fortune the worst sort of misery is
to have been happy."
December 23, 2005
If she thinks real hard, Scully can almost remember what it
was like to be happy. She remembers smiling and laughing
and telling jokes. She even remembers tofutti rice
dreamscicles and baseball and a beautiful spring day that
led to a cloudless night with Mulder wrapped around her.
That had been the beginning of them. She and Mulder had
been partners for years, but until that spring evening, she
had still been Dana Scully, M.D. But after that, things
began to change, and it wasn't long before she was only
half of a whole. Very slowly, she became the Scully part
of the MulderScully Couple. There were entire days that
bled into each other so that a Friday night at Mulder's
left her scrambling to find her shoes to meet her mother
for church on Sunday.
In the beginning, it had been all innocence, as if they
were two teenagers afraid of going too fast that they might
not see the curve up ahead. But once they arrived at that
curve, they just leaned into it and let gravity pull them
through.
So much of her happiness is tied up in Mulder that it's
nearly impossible to believe she's lived so much of her
life without him. First, there was the long absence while
she was pregnant, only to find him just in time for him to
leave again. And then it happened yet again. It's like
her life is caught in some loop where she is destined to
share few precious months with her love, and then forced to
live even longer in his absence.
And then she'd had to give up William.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"A man content to go to heaven alone will never go to
heaven."
December 24, 2005
As Scully sat and nursed a beer while watching Chevy Chase
and Rodney Dangerfield chase a gopher around a golf course,
the log in the fireplace popped and rolled. It wasn't the
best way to celebrate the birth of Christ, but it was the
best she could do at the moment.
It didn't help to think of past Christmas', like when she
and Mulder had traipsed through a haunted house at the
amusement of two pop-psychologist ghosts. She remembers
how annoyed she'd been, but she also remembers that there's
nowhere else she'd have rather been.
When the credits began to roll, she bit the head off
another Santa cookie while trying to decide how to fill the
next few hours before climbing into bed. She scrolled
through the channels until she landed on "It's a Wonderful
Life". At least Jimmy Stewart would get his Christmas
Miracle.
The half-lit Christmas tree mocked her from its corner and
Scully decided that she couldn't bear to watch George
Bailey regain his life when hers was still in limbo. She
clicked off the television and cleaned up from her meager
dinner.
She stood in front of the tree and contemplated the angel
on top: a messenger from God sent to lead Mary and Joseph
and herald the birth of Jesus. Scully only wished that
Mulder had an angel to lead him back to her.
She unplugged the tree and climbed into bed.
an end
Notes:
This angsty tale was written for Robin, my secret Santa
swapee. I hope you enjoyed it.
All the quotes are by Boethius, a Roman that lived long,
long ago. However, he totally helped me out by breaking
through my writer's block. I'd only written the first 3rd
of the story when I came up against a brick wall. I
stumbled upon these quotes, and they kinda set the stage
for the rest of the story.
Yes, Virginia, there will be a sequel.
Merry Christmas!
Happy Holidays!
(
geocities.com/rachellee7)