TITLE: Mist Over Water
AUTHOR: Rae
SPOILERS: Nothing Specific. Just know that William exists and he was
never given away. Oh, and Mulder never left, either.
DISCLAIMER: ::snort::
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask.
I'll most likely be thrilled and say yes.
FEEDBACK: ultimatexffan@hotmail.com
NOTES: This is so NOT sallie safe. I'm sorry. I know I said my next
one would be, but it didn't work out that way. To everyone else, take
that warning as it is. This is a HEAVY angst piece. You have been
warned. Flames will be used to roast marshmallows.
THANKS: To gail. I've got the most wonderful beta reader ever; quick
and full of praise! Who could ask for more?

Mist Over Water

april

"You have GOT to stop showing up like this. Everybody already thinks
I'm crazy, and you know, I'm finally starting to think they're right."

`You never listened to popular opinion before. Why change your mind
now?'

"Because you're not really here."

`Of course I am. If I'm not here, who are you talking to?'

"My point EXACTLY! I've finally cracked up. It only took losing a
sister, a government conspiracy so big, it imploded upon itself, and
countless X-Files."

`And what was it that finally drove you over the edge you're so
completely sure you've actually fallen off of?'

"Your death, Scully."

She doesn't say anything after that.

*+*+*+*+*

may

`Tell me about it?'

"No."

`I feel you should talk about it, that it will help you.'

"I don't see your logic."

`You're the Psychologist. You should know that purging
demons helps to heal the wounded heart. It will help you to
move on.'

"I don't want to move on."

`That isn't healthy at all.'

"You know me better than that, Scully."

`Spill.'

"You died on a Wednesday. The sun was shining. It was mocking in a
morbid sort of way. You had spent all winter longing to see the sun
again, to feel its warmth upon your face, yet you will never be warm
again."

`You really have a flair for dramatics, Mulder.'

"You asked. You're the one who wanted to know."

`I want to know how you FEEL. What's going on with you. I still
worry.'

"I'm not ready."

*+*+*+*+*

june

"Did you ever feel that our lives should have been laid out in
Technicolor with a rolling cast list?"

`What are you talking about?'

"Think about it. The years of unrequited love on both our parts; the
X-Files and the way they ran our lives; my quest for Samantha; Emily;
your cancer and remission; we finally admit our feelings, but you're
unable to have kids; both of the miraculous pregnancies; and your
untimely death."

`Don't forget about the part where you refuse to accept my death and
constantly sit on this log and talk to me as if I'm still alive.'

"I knew you'd understand."

`That's just life, Mulder. It's the roses and the thorns.'

"We could've won Oscars for this stuff. I should write it all out and
sell it to Hollywood. I think we'd sound good in surround sound."

*+*+*+*+*

august

"I thought I'd find you here."

`What day is it?'

"Friday."

`How long has it been?'

"Five months. Why weren't you here yesterday?"

`I couldn't come.'

"Why?"

`I had to be somewhere else.'

"You had something more important to do?"

`Not more important, just something else.'

"Don't leave me, Scully."

`I'm already gone.'

"Everyone thought that after the funeral, I would just go completely
insane. They all have this notion that I can't function without you."

She nods once.

"They're right, of course, but I'll be damned if I let them actually
see it."

`You're not insane, Mulder. You're just in a lot of pain. Give it time.'

"I feel like I've lost my mind."

She looks at him and sees the tears coursing down his cheeks.

"No. Not my mind, just my heart."

*+*+*+*+*

october

"I have to laugh sometimes."

`Why's that?'

"I just find this whole thing utterly ironic."

She just looks at him, so he continues.

"You were always the skeptic. I had to lay the proof in your hands
before you would even consider believing. Yet, here you are, a misty
ghost, haunting me. You've defied your own logic, Agent Scully."

She turns her head and looks out across the water.

"I'm scared, Scully."

`You have nothing to fear.'

"That's not true. I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing.
William comes to me with questions, and I always tell him the truth,
but sometimes I wonder if the truth is always the right answer."

`If it wasn't right, you would know.'

"I don't know if I'm a good father, Scully. I know I once was. You
were everything good I had in me. Sometimes I catch William watching
me, and I can see that he thinks his old man is cracked up. And then
I'll go to the nursery and I'll pick Megan out of her crib. She
snuggles right up to me and at that exact moment, everything in the
world feels right. But I know the world isn't right. Not my world.
I've got these two great kids that I love with everything in me. And
it's not enough."

`It has to be, Mulder.'

"No. You're not here to watch our son catch his first fly ball or to
comfort our baby girl when she falls down while taking her first
shaky steps. I took her for her first haircut yesterday. After we
walked out, I realized that I had forgotten to ask the lady to save a
lock of her red curls to put in her baby book. When I went back in,
they had already swept the floor. I sat in the car and cried while
she chewed on a teething biscuit in her car seat."

`Being a parent doesn't mean being perfect.'

"You wouldn't have forgotten. I can't do it, Scully. I can't be both
mommy and daddy to these kids."

`Then just be their daddy. That's all they expect from you.'

"I can't do this without you."

`You already are.'

*+*+*+*+*

february

They always meet in front of the lake. Sometimes she will be there,
sitting on a half-decomposed log. Other times, he'll watch as she
rises with the mist over the water.

She's waiting for him today. But she isn't alone. When he emerges
from the cluster of trees that surround the property, he sees her
running around in circles. He hears her laughing and then a loud
shriek. When he gets closer, he sees Emily tag her mother and run
away.

He sits and watches the two of them playing in the snow. He begins to
smile, but catches himself. Emily waves goodbye and she comes to sit
beside him.

Neither one says a word.

*+*+*+*+*

march

"Today was the day."

`I know.'

"Don't go."

`I can't stay.'

"You can't go."

`I'm not really here.'

"I'm not ready to say goodbye. We have so much left to do. And I need
you here."

`You've started to move on.'

"No."

`And that's a good thing. Don't feel guilty. Please.'

"No."

`I'll always be here, Mulder. I'm in William. He's so serious about
life. He thinks everything through before making a decision. And he's
only four. Can't you see me in him? And Megan. When she laughs, she
sounds just like me; she has my smile. And as they both grow, you'll
notice other things as well.'

She places her hand over his heart.

`I'm right here. You can feel me. Every time your heart beats, it's
me telling you I love you. Listen.'

His sob breaks the quiet.

"Please stay. I want to bring the kids when they're older. I want
them to know you."

`Then tell them about me. Tell them about how much I loved them both.
Tell them how you finally convinced me that loving you was easier
than denying that I did. Tell them both that the very last thing I
wanted to do was leave the three of you. And tell them that they have
nothing to fear from this world; that you and I worked hard and
slayed all the monsters so that they could grow up happy and safe.
You tell them that, Mulder.'

"Will I ever see you again?"

`Yes. We'll be together again. You still have things you have to do.
But once you're finished, I'll be here for you. Be happy. Please.
Take joy in our children. They have so much to teach you.'

"I will always love you."

`Always.'

END

all of my stories can be found at:
http://www.oocities.org/rachellee7/fanfic.html