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Domestic Violence
In The
Jewish Community

This website is part of a project that began as a law school senior research interdisciplinary paper on Domestic Violence in the Jewish Community. When I began to do research, however, I became frustrated with the lack of resources that I found. I realized that if I, a fairly experienced researcher, was having trouble finding information about Domestic Violence in the Jewish Community, then an abused Jewish woman seeking information would, no doubt, have difficulty finding resources. This website is part of my solution to that problem.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is a pattern of power and control exerted by one person over another person in a relationship. The person exerting power and control is often called the aggressor, while the other person called the victim. Aggressors and victims come from all walks of life, regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, economic background or gender, but victims are most often women while aggressors are often men.

Many people mistakenly believe that domestic violence only includes actual physical violence, but aggressors use various tactics and methods to exert power and control over their victims, including intimidation, threats (to hurt the victim, himself, children, pets, etc.), insults, sexual abuse (including unwanted touching and refusing to practice safe sex), economic control and isolation. Aggressors also often use methods of mental and emotional abuse (such as telling the victim what they can and cannot do and name-calling) and property and economic abuse (such as stealing or destroying the victim's personal belongings, taking money, not allowing the victim to work, not allowing the victim to have access to money or financial information and keeping the victim on an "allowance").

Domestic Violence in the Jewish Community

Contrary to the idealized vision of Jewish family life as warm, loving and nurturing, in many Jewish homes a woman experiences physical violence, emotional abuse and terror. Studies estimate that 15% t0 30% of Jewish women are victims of domestic violence, the same percentage as American women in general and the occurrence of domestic violence in Jewish homes is similar across denominations. The incidence of domestic violence in Jewish homes tends to increase around Jewish holidays, such as Passover, Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashannah. While Jewish women experince emotional abuse more than any other form of abuse, this is still considered to be domestic violence and is included in most state laws prohibiting domestic violence.

Why Don't Jewish Victims Seek Help or Leave?

Jewish women tend to stay in abusive relationships 5 to 10 years longer than non-Jewish women for many reasons. The Jewish religion and community at large has romanticized and idealized the notion of family and tends to deny that domestic violence exists in Jewish homes. There is also very little information about domestic violence in the Jewish communtiy. Additionally, American society stereotypes Jewish husbands as meek and passive and Jewish wives as over-powering and extremely demanding. These stereotypes make it difficult for people outside the Jewish community to believe that domestic violence occurrs in Jewish families. Jewish women also tend to feel that it is their primary responsibiltiy in life to maintain shalom bayit, peace in the home. When violence or other forms of abuse occur, the Jewish woman may feel that she has failed in her primary responsibility of maintaining shalom bayit. Furthermore, most leaders in the Jewish community do not talk about domestic violence in the Jewish community, so many Jewish women feel that they are alone and that there is no one to support and help them. Jewish women also feel that speaking of the abuse they are experiencing is a shonda, and fear that shame will be brought on their family by public knowlege of the abuse that is occurring.

Power and Control Wheel and Equality Wheel

Facts and Figures

New Jersey Law

Resources

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