The skyline of Tokyo spread out before her in all its breathtaking beauty, a sparkling silhouette against the sunset. It was perfect and poetic, the shapely lines of those buildings that reached beseechingly toward heaven, outlined in the glory of fire and gold beneath the coming darkness of night. And though she would never have said so herself, the young woman standing at the piture window of her apartment was quite nearly as beautiful as that scene. The sun itself reached out to caress her, making her pale skin and honey colored hair glow with a fire of their own, as if she were the modern avatar of some ancient pagan goddess.
In a momentary lapse, she turned just slightly, her large and expressive jade green eyes seeking something, a presence that she felt should be standing beside her. There was no one there... no one save herself. Closing her eyes against a brief stab of pain, she turned back to the window, back to the endless and somehow lonely sky.
She didn't know why she always expected to see someone there. She didn't know why she always hurt so much when there wasn't. It was a dream she had once had, a dream of raven hair and wine red eyes that seemed to reach into her soul. A dream of an angel that loved her with such ferocity that it had stopped time. Ten long and lonely years had passed since then....but it was still just a dream, wasn't it?
Once she had believed in visions, believed in dreams and the future, but she had put her Tarot Cards away long ago. It had been just after that dream, actually, and she had not even looked at them in the ten years since.
And still she yearned for that dream, for all the horrors, the endless wonder, for the love that she had seen in that world. She yearned the love that stopped time, even if it had only been for a few moments worth. And every night she dreamed of the angel and his eyes, and every morning she wept when she awoke alone.
In her dreams they were still young, still free, not weighted down with age and responsibility. In her dreams they played together like young lovers, laughing and smiling. In her dreams he took her into his arms, and together they touched the clouds.
She raised one slender hand, smooth and unmarked by time, as if to touch the sun, willing it not to leave her alone with those dreams. It was amazing how so simple a thing could cause such lasting pain.
She felt a strange kinship for the sun. Each day it traveled along its path, warming the earth with its glowing light and love, and yet could never touch the object of that immense love. How must the mythic sun feel, never allowed to touch that which it loved most?
She shook her head, clearing away her thoughts as if her mind were a child's etch-a-sketch. She didn't have time for that right now. She sighed, turning away from the window resolutely before she was late for her second job.
Her small one room apartment was clean and nearly empty. One table, one futon, a few odds and ends that were necessary, and that wonderouls window. That window cost her dearly, because the veiw was expensive, but she didn't really have any friends anyway, so she was willing to take on the extra job to pay for it. She grabbed her apron and locked the door behind her, doing her best to shake off her melancholy and assume at least a semblance of cheer. People - especially the eager to tip American tourists - liked to see a happy waitress.
She couldn't help but think though... If she wished hard enough, if she wanted it badly enough, she could see him again. Yet always something stopped her from making that wish, some vague foreboding of doom at the though of actually making such a wish...
So absorbed was she, so completely lost in thought, that she didn't notice that the crosswalk wasn't green. A couple of fellow pedestrians tried to stop her, but were too late as she swept out into the street without even looking. She looked up as the delivery truck screamed toward her, the expression in her wonderous eyes vaguely surprised as she felt the impact as if from some distance away from her own body.
And as she began to fade, she wished, oh how she wished....just once more.... |
