Background: Okay, so you understand better... I was outlining to Lu Am what I eventually wanted to happen in the The Wall that Fell, and told her that originally I wanted Laimea and Legolas to do something in Laimea’s orchard. And then I told her that I couldn't do that anymore, because I'd just remembered that by the time Laimea and Legolas come to this point, the orchard would have been burned down, as it is in the townlands of Minas Tirith! Whereby Lu Am stated "I can just see the two of them now... rolling around in the charcoal!" And that's what started this whole thing... So now you know!

PS... the thing about Orli wearing two watches... Lu Am and I discoved one morning that in one of his pictures Orli is indeed wearing two watches, one on each wrist! So then of course we had to make fun of him for the rest of the morning! ^_^

"A Romp in the...Charcoal?!"

by Lu Am, for Lossefalme

***

In the dark recesses of Loss's mind a young man could be seen rolling around on the ground. The camera moved closer and discovered the young man was not, as it had seemed at first, a man, but an elf. As such, it was a peculiar sight to see him rolling about in the charcoal of a burnt orchard with little more than his birthday suit to protect him from getting dirty.

The camera suddenly noticed that the elf had company. A young woman, and definitely a human. The two are equally ensconced with each other, until away to the left, in the darkness, someone clears their throat and steps forward. This time it really is a young man… and he’s wearing two watches!

"Oi! Elf!" the man says in a thick British accent.

The elf stops rolling and practically sheds a skin when he notices the young man. The woman, scantily clad as she is, promptly passes out.

"Alas! You have stunned my fair maiden!" the elf cried forlornly. He looked around for his knife, but seeing as he only wore clothes when leaving Loss’s mind to meet the audience, he had no knife. Instead he reached in desperation for a stick. The stick turned to a pile of ash at his feet as he stood to meet the young man.

The young man cocked a eyebrow at the elf and stuck out his hand. "Much as I try to avoid shaking the hand of immortals who are found rolling around in the charcoal with brazen hussies like that one," he tossed his head towards the comatose girl, "I feel the need to introduce myself. Orlando Bloom."

“I know who you are," the elf growled. He narrowed his eyes and thought about punching this Orlando Bloom...he would have punched him, only he did not want to break a nail....

"Oh do you now? So I suppose then you know what I'm here for?" Orlando said in his cocky, wankerish voice.

Legolas nodded warily. Suddenly, by the mercy of Loss, he was wearing clothes. He instantly drew his knives, only to look back at Orlando and cry out in anguish! “Alas! Wherefore did you come about such outlandish attire, mortal?!" the elf cried in a prissy voice, brandishing his knife at Orlando.

Orlando looked down at his clothing in shock, only to realize - by the grace of Loss - his stylish attire had been swapped for a pirate costume. He now held a sword in his calloused hand, which he quickly waved towards Legolas and said, "The tang is nearly the full width of the blade," without meaning to.

The two men stared in confusion at each other. Suddenly, from somewhere in the background, a voice echoed towards them. "Oi! Fight it out! I want some entertainment, and if you don't start fighting soon I'm gonna nick back those clothes I gave you and get you both rolling around in the charcoal - together! MWAHAHAHA!” the voice laughed evilly, and the two men quivered with fear.

The voice was, of course, Loss the All powerful, gleefully smacking her hands together, waiting for the moment when the two would joist it out over who got to play lead muse in her mind...

But alas, the two had stalled too long. In a gigantic flash of lighting and a weaseling little pop, the two found themselves completely starkers, and instead of swords they held......dead fish.

Being naturally prissy men, they dropped the fish in disgust, immediately launching into an Armageddon style battle of the wits to get rid of each other...

***

THE END… I think…. ;)