29 JANUARY – HOUSTON, TX

Welcome back to the tour! It was a quick turn around between returning from Italy and heading off for St. Louis, but I got plenty done and am back on the road again! The time in St. Louis was short but very sweet; I finally got to meet the whole crew! I was even ‘media trained’; this means that I am authorized to embarrass myself on television. It was so good to be with my boys again, I really missed them over the break. We drove to Houston, TX which is where we’ll be spending the first month of the tour. I’ve already discovered that walking is not a popular pastime here as there are no sidewalks/footpaths where I am currently staying and much to my surprise two guys offered me a ride to wherever I was going. Chivalry or something else?

5 FEBRUARY – HOUSTON, TX

I’ve moved again, into the city this time where there are sidewalks and plenty of traffic. Al also put my bike together for me so I have a set of wheels to tool around on. I made some purchases recently, a vcr for renting movies, a portable stereo and a toaster. I’m officially domesticated! As domesticated as I’ll get for a while anyway. I have the next three days off, I hardly know what to do with them as I’m used to driving to the next destination during those days. It’ll be strange to have time off like this. I’m trying to track down some volleyball action and perhaps even a yoga class while I’m in the area. I’m in the midst of trying to get over a cold that seems to rotate symptoms every 48 hours; first it was a sore throat, then headaches and nausea, now a runny nose and sneezing. It is so beautiful outside and I am tempted to run amok and play for the day but I know that will only extend my recuperation time. I’ll let you know if anything interesting happens in the next couple of days!

7 FEBRUARY - HOUSTON, TX

Hey kids! Still on my days off, don't work unil Thursday this week. I'm without a car right now so I've been busy exploring my temporary neighborhood. Turns out I'm living in a little oasis of activity! I have a yoga school, a Tae Bo school, Blockbuster, Amy's Ice Cream, restaurants and shops, and some monsterous homes just up the road! It's become more than a hotel next to the highway. I feel like I have a bit of a home here now. I even found a Whole Foods Market a couple of blocks away; this is the piece de resistance of my findings. I'm so happy, they have organic foods, vegetarian foods, everything good for your tummy! I'm pretty happy here. Feeling much better than I did when we started this year, I was so depressed and not my preferred self if that makes any sense. I think I just needed some fresh air and exercise and good food. And time. I hope you're all doing very well wherever you are, I'll write again soon!

12 FEBRUARY - HOUSTON, TX

Karate chop! I just took my first Tae Bo class and man did it rock! One intro class and then a free stab at an advanced class; it was pretty intense but I guess that’s part of why I liked it. Essentially they teach you how to kick someone’s ass to techno music. Right up my alley! It is a lot of fun and an interesting way to play for an hour, which is of course the whole point.

13 FEBRUARY – HOUSTON, TX

What a long day this has been! I scouted the schools for this week’s events and it took forever! They’re just a ways out of town this week. I got home at last and went grocery shopping at the Whole Foods Market (it’s like a big playland in there) where I scored some cool stuff to try. I returned home to have a phone message from my boys in Boston waiting for me! David and Anthony are just lovely, two of my most wonderful friends and two of the best things about Boston! I miss them terribly; I need to look into getting over there on one of our school holiday breaks.

14 FEBRUARY – HOUSTON, TX

Happy VD! Or Happy Valentine’s Day, whichever you prefer. I have enjoyed my 24th Valentine’s Day without an object of affection/obligation; have I surpassed a record yet? I went for a bike ride, made myself a nice dinner, ate strawberries and watched Monty Python videos; couldn’t ask for much more really. My mom just called to see if I was all right. What does that tell you? This is not my favorite holiday as you can well imagine, though I don’t want to diminish it for anyone else. So for all you lovely couples out there, have a wonderful holiday! For all you singles like moi, don’t fret, it’s just another day. Enjoy your ‘singleness’, your own excellent self, and the fact that you are not obligated today to do anything for anyone but you!

26 FEBRUARY - HOUSTON, TX

Well, well, look who decided to show up today? Sorry about the hiatus, I’ve been getting lazy lately. Or rather when I sit down to the computer I can never think of anything worthwhile to say. I went to two and a quarter Tae Bo classes today, sounds like a lot but I really needed it. I feel so much better now, so much stronger and more myself. I’m really going to miss that place (and the people who work there) when I have to leave at the end of this week. Other than that I’m looking forward to the Duran Duran concert tomorrow night at the rodeo. Sounds like an excellent way to spent Mardi Gras; Josh got me two tickets gratis (that’s free folks). I have no idea who is going with me; I asked Aaron if he wanted to go but I’m 95% sure he’ll say no. Nobody wants me, or my ticket actually. I went to heaps of concerts in Australia on my own and they were a great time; I often ended up meeting people and making new friends there (The Big Day Out in Perth comes to mind, hey Tamra?) so I’m not solo for long. I can’t wait to attend my first rodeo tomorrow as well, I think it’s a bit of a milestone and initiation into the next phase of life really. All right, perhaps not as profound as that but very close. Burly men in dusty chaps flailing around on wild beasts; sounds like the makings of a great trash novel.

I’m going to include a tentative schedule of my whereabouts for the next few weeks should any of you legends out there happen to be in my neck of the woods or vice versa. Let’s get together, babies!

5-11 March, Albuquerque NM; 12-18 March, Phoenix AZ; 19-25 March, Yuma AZ; 26 March-April 1, Phoenix AZ; 2-15 April, San Diego CA; 16 April-13 May, Los Angeles, CA; 14-20 May, Medford OR; 21 May-24 June, Seattle WA; 25 June-15 July, Denver CO; 16-22 July, Indianapolis IN

Hope that helps a bit. I don’t know if I’ll get to see any of you, but I would love to if it’s possible! I’m winding down now, listening to jazz and letting the words pour out. This is what happens when you don’t confide in a bartender on a regular basis. I’m dry and repressed! Seriously (?), I can tell I haven’t written in a while. Did you miss me? I’m missing you. I’m sitting here in a skirt with my red Italian shoes on, ignoring the fact that my tea was ready at least 20 minutes ago and will have to be reheated now. The things you notice when you’re alone… On occasion I glance up at my hanging gallery of photos from Italy; me, Kimber, and Laura cheesing on the bed in Laura’s Florentine apartment, the row of descending gargoyle fountains at the Boboli gardens, that strong, lean, smooth, and perfectly chiseled (in every sense) leg of David’s. Bliss is a long, sensuous, meaty leg.

28 FEBRUARY - HOUSTON, TX

Ya-hoo! That is a direct quote from last night. I attended the Duran Duran concert at the Houston Rodeo last night. I should probably start a bit further back as this was a very interesting day. First, on my way to the Whole Foods Market, I saw a garbage truck with a flat tire. Have you ever seen a garbage truck getting a tire change? One more thing to tick off on my ‘life experience’ list. Anyway, the day went on and I had to take a cab to pick up my concert ticket and then proceed to the Astrodome. My cab driver, Festus the Magnificent, was so cool; he’s originally from Nigeria but was raised in England and then moved to the States a few years ago. He’s a very smart man, just doing what he has to do in order to get himself in a good position for his future career. He was amazing, we talked about everything, particularly men and women. It was hilarious and educational, a truly fantastic experience! I love meeting interesting people.

On to the rodeo! This was a truly unique experience for me; I wrote three pages of notes on what I saw while I was there. Don’t worry, I’ll edit it for your sake. I arrived at the front gate and a man gave me a program. I told him how excited I was about seeing it all for the first time, and he proceeded to step off to the side and go through the entire map with me, recommending specific places to check out, where the best food stalls were, etc. What a welcome! I went past the cows and heffers into a judging area. They were judging pigs; it was funny to hear such enthusiastic cheering and shouting for various pigs and their young owners. I’m from a different place, which was evident by my dress. I looked a bit out of place, being that I dressed for a Duran Duran concert, not a rodeo like 99.9% of the people in attendance. No matter, I’m used to odd stares… The judging was a huge deal though; I later found out that the winning pig last year fetched $130,000 at auction the next day, the runner-up sold for $64,000. That’s some serious pork chops, folks.

I went into the Astrodome arena and watched some of the rodeo action. I saw bareback riding, barrel racing, wagon racing, and the most entertaining by far, the calf scramble. The calf scramble consists of 14 hyperactive calves and 28 determined kids. The calves are let loose and the object is for the kids to catch a calf, tie him up, and drag him if necessary back to a square in the middle of the floor. If you achieve this goal you win $1,000. A grand for catching a calf? Bring it on! Or so one might think before witnessing this assembly of mayhem. There truly are no words for this. Actually, I can think of four: determination, stamina, exhaustion, and insanity. A close second for entertainment value last night was the steer wrestling; yes, you read that right. Steer wrestling. The guy and his horse are let out of the gate, they ride along this steer, and the guy jumps off the horse onto the steer and wrestles it to the ground as quickly as possible. Men were doing this in 4 to 10 seconds. You’ve just got to love Texas!

The Duran Duran concert was fantastic as well. The crowd was great and the guys were wonderful, though I wish they would have been able to play longer. They were restricted to one hour of time as the rodeo goes on after the show. They were so good though, and I had phenomenal seats! Thanks Josh and John for the ticket!

I have to go and visit my friends at the Tae Bo school and say goodbye; the troupe leaves tomorrow for Abilene. I will really miss them, I’ve spent more time with them than anyone else here and they have really become friends to me. They’ve helped me to be happier in these last couple of weeks, reminding me of who I am and what I am capable of. I needed that. Perhaps we’ll return to Houston again this year and I can see them again!

1 MARCH - ABILENE, TX

What a long yet odd and nice day it’s been! Confusing? Me too. I got up early to meet Josh and leave Houston for Abilene. We had a good drive, we arrived around 3.00 or so to a hotel that we hoped wasn’t ours. Initially, anyway. A Travelodge along a stretch of road flanked by an endless procession of telephone/electric poles. It’s a very ugly place this Abilene but it’s only 3 days. Anyway, we get checked in and the rooms aren’t bad, we have a small table and chairs, a long dresser to put radios on and clothing in, another desk with a big-ass tv, and even a baby fridge! I went for a bike ride, then came back and did a mini Tae Bo routine, then kicked back for a while. I was playing around on the internet when I heard a knock; it was the hotel manager welcoming me with a plate of fresh fruit, nuts, popcorn, and beverages for the fridge! She even got me a microwave! Holy schnikies! Now I’m digging this place. I wonder if I will dig it as much when I have to share the room with Al? That’s the only ‘catch’ so to speak; the rooms were given to us for free but (fine print) we only have two rooms and being that Aaron and Josh have been like Twinkies lately, that leaves Al and I as roomies. I’ll let you know if I kill anyone…

6 MARCH – ALBUQUERQUE, NM

Hey bodies! Had a good time in Abilene, as short as it was. Did heaps of tae bo and rode my bike quite a bit. We arrived in New Mexico last night, we were thrilled to find that our hotel is next to a Cracker Barrel! Josh and I bond over the pancakes; me cherry, him pecan (and he insists on scrambled eggs with cheese, always with cheese). Ah the memories… Anyway, the room here is cozy (yes, this is my attempt at being tactful) and personalized now that I have my Venus statue and photos strewn about. It’s all about self-expression! I’m enjoying it now, listening to my tapes, breeze blowing in the window, the lingering scent of candles blown out hours ago… I remember coming here to Albuquerque when I was a little girl; my aunt Nancy lived here with her family. Mom and Beth and I came out here before when I was six or so, I played at the playground and got an awful sunburn. I had blisters on my face and shoulders, which made sleeping a nearly impossible feat. But I was a bronze babe when I came home, healed, and had my pictures taken at Olan Mills – red checkered sundress, long brown pigtails, and soft brown skin. I was cute. No, really. I am not, by the way, condoning severe sunburn. It hurts like hell and you look like poo years later. Yes, I said poo (after living in Australia I am now a ‘slip slop slap’ advocate - slip on a shirt, slop on sunscreen, and slap on a hat - thank you Australian Cancer Society). I also remember ice cream cake and someone graduating, I think it was my cousin. I just liked the ice cream cake.

I’m writing this section while I listen to various selections from my cd collection, so expect some commentary along the way. I can’t figure out if my legs love me or want to kill me. I went for a bike ride today, up and around hills, and found a dirt track around a prep school; it was so much fun! I’m going to have that David look I’ve been talking about. All right, maybe not legs of David quality, but I’ll be as my mom once said of me in my runner days, ‘stealth’. I love that word. I like it here, it seems pretty nice. I’ll have to do some more exploring but so far everyone I’ve encountered has been incredibly nice and helpful. The mountains are beautiful too! Side thought; If you’ve never heard of Jeff Buckley, have a new experience today. I’m listening to his ‘Grace’ album and it’s just brilliant. I recommend you go and check it out. It’s a staple in the car, well if Josh is in the car it is. Another great discovery is bananas in your oatmeal. I mashed one up in mine this morning, added a wee bit of peanut butter and maple syrup, stirred it round and wow! A new taste sensation and one that I will be repeating regularly. Go on, give it a go! I think I just realized how randomly I think. How do you people put up with me?

Yeah! Special K just sent me an e-postcard from the Pretender website. You know, 'The Pretender', used to be on NBC, TNT's picked it up and is holding the torch so to speak. I don't watch much tv at all anymore (hint: life gets better when you don't watch tv), but I like that show. It must be such a blast as an actor to get to try on so many different hats on one show. Weiss is a nice looking guy which never hurts, but more impressive is his passion and action towards saving our environment, even if you've never seen the show and never want to, you've got to admire him for that. Go Kimber! Thanks for the card, sister!

I’m going to see my sister in one week! I am excited, we’re going to have pedicures at Nordstrom’s. A bit foo foo perhaps? I think not; this is about foot care, which you know is very important to me. You must love your feet or they will stop taking you everywhere you want to go. Nic and I are planning to make a great dinner for the guys in honor of Josh’s birthday and his departure from the tour, in addition to some severe dancing episodes at as yet undetermined venues. It’s going to be fun, sometimes I can see myself living there even just for a while. Rory, this one’s for you; Satchmo crooning ‘You Go to My Head’, how classic is that? I love jazz. Mom and Dad left me a jazz cd at Nic’s place, I can’t wait to hear it! I recently told Josh that the majority of what I say is in actuality a discussion I’m having with myself, it’s just that people are usually around and mistake it for a conversation. I think this is one of those moments.

11 MARCH – ALBUQUERQUE, NM

I’m having breakfast at the Cracker Barrel down the road and it just amazes me to observe people and how much crap they have the inclination and capacity to purchase. The lobby/store is packed to the rafters with up and coming eaters who have morphed into country kitsch collectors in the span of a 20 minute wait for ‘4 non-smoking.’ And the thing that gets me is it’s just stuff; overpackaged, overpriced, oversweetened stuff to literally stuff into the few empty corners left in the house. Just think of all the great places these people could visit and unforgettable experiences they could have with the money they’re blowing on stuffed dolls, sweets, and knickknacks. It’s a brilliant marketing move, but it also makes me sad for my profession. It’s all about pushing and influencing superfluous spending. Contributing to the continued subjugation of the middle class. I’m getting very cynical and even a tad Marxist here. The only item of value I notice is the burlap checkerboard, though no one seems to play while waiting – too busy collecting pink crocheted flowers to decorate the back of the toilet. I’m going to come here tomorrow and play checkers with someone, anyone! I keep eyeing the peg game on the table, taunting me, challenging me to take it on and prove that my hair color is not an accurate reflection of my capacity for thought. The intimidation is too much! I force myself to believe in something higher and nobler than the Cracker Barrel peg game. This, my friends, is the foundation of faith. I think I’m related to Dennis Miller…

5 APRIL, 2001 - BALBOA, CA

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDY!!!!

7 APRIL, 2001 - BALBOA, CA

I am the biggest slacker ever. Wanted to get that absolute out of the way as soon as possible. I amaze myself sometimes with my level of procrastination. Actually, it's not as if I was avoiding making this update, it's just that so many fun things were being done that it didn't make sense to stop to write about them. I'm feeling really good lately, better than average, and every day just gets a tad better. I can't imagine not being an optimist. Of course, I am a rare combination of 'sarcastic optimist' which is a bit of an oxymoron in my opinion but people have called me a moron in the past so I'm just going to supplement that.

We are in Balboa at the moment, a small amalgamation of summer houses on a peninsula near Newport Beach. It's hell to be surrounded by pretty homes, sand, and volleyball courts, but the inferno element of the underworld is absent as I've been freezing my patootie off since I've been here. It's not been more than 60 something, which is brutal after having spent three weeks in Arizona. I am still loving it here though; I go for runs along the path that winds from the end of the peninsula up through Newport, take walks with Michelle, do crunches and pushups on the deck outside while Al nurses a Corona and looks at me like I have a third ear sprouting from my forehead, and pepper with Aaron on the beach which must be one step away from bliss on several levels.

I have the day off today, and since it's been raining all day until an hour ago, I have dedicated my time to inside activities. Not my usual preference, but I had plenty of errands that could only be done inside and most definitely would not have been tackled had the weather been anything but awful. I cleaned the entire house, everything from bathroom counters to the windowpanes. No, I don't do contract work. I just feels good to clean and listen to music and accomplish lots of little things that always end up being a major pain in the arse if put off. I'm staying here one more week with Aaron, then am off to another flat in Newport Beach that Michelle and I are sharing, so the cleaning fun will continue soon enough! It's strange not being with the crew today, dare I say that I even miss them a bit, but it is nice to have the place to oneself and spend some quality time with me.

In a backtrack note, Phoenix was great! I love spending time with my sister, laughing with her, getting into wrestling matches, getting dolled up for dinner, all the things that sisters do I guess. Yuma, or Yumama as Al affectionately calls it, could very possibly be one of the lower rings of Hell, though no one in town could confirm this for me. The only personal highlights were the apartment that Aaron found for us all to share, the pool out back, and trips to Barnes & Noble, or the coffeeshop there actually. It was a relief to come back to Phoenix, to my sister, and enjoy yet another week of warm air and good times. I'm going to miss it there I think, but California proves to be interesting so I'm looking forward to upcoming adventures which are sure to ensue.

Everyone is back now and on their respective phones to anyone and everyone. I've got Crowded House going, the backdrop to all things good. My new Neil Finn cd is on its way from Australia, I am in such anticipation I can hardly stand it! Just to know that it's somewhere between Sydney and Los Angeles, yaayyy! There is no greater joy…

DON’T CARE – NEWPORT BEACH, CA

This is what I love – beach! Warm sand scratching and caressing your feet, finding places to hide on your body you never knew existed. Watching the water act like a boy smitten; crashing like a wave, rushing up the shore to meet you, then just as he feels the closeness between you, recedes back to what he knows in fear and doubt. But he keeps coming back, a little closer each time, running away into the safety of the sea again. Yet in spite of their incessant teasing and escaping, you keep coming to the beach to hear the sweet nothings whispered in your ears, the purposeful crash and the soft hushed recession.

GOOD FRIDAY – VENTURA, CA

I have had a truly unforgettable time here with Joyce and Russ, my grandmother’s sister and brother-in-law. They are such amazing, giving, entertaining people, I am so fortunate to have spent time with them and proud to know that they are my family! I love hearing all the stories, of how they met, Russ in the war, their kids… They got married after courting for just six short weeks, and it took years for both families to accept them. Six weeks and 55 years later, you’ve got to applaud them and wonder what they have. Russ is amazing – such a straight shooter, comfortable and unapologetic about who he is. That’s the kind of man I want to be with. And funny as hell! Joyce is just beautiful, sweet, strong, forward thinking, and just plain goddess. I loved going for walks around the harbour with her, talking about everything under the sun. It’s hard to describe wht I felt while I was there. I just felt welcome and at home, which was a needed feeling for me. It felt so good to be with family, with people who love you and enjoy you, I did want to stay longer but we work in San Diego tomorrow. It’s an intoxicating feeling to know that you’re wanted and welcome. I miss them already…

16 APRIL – NEWPORT BEACH, CA

Big pimpin’, spendin’ Gs… yeah, it ain’t easy. I am of course speaking of the lifestyle that Michelle and I will be living for the next month in our new house! We just moved into our rental unit in Newport Beach and it is beyond anything we expected; the outside is a bit shabby, but the inside is completely remodeled. We are in the ultimate bachelor pad; big tv, stereo, huge kitchen with mammoth fridge, and a pool table! Yes, that’s right, no dining table for these girls, it’s billiards or bust. And perhaps the best part; there are four good looking guys living upstairs. That’s one per week, or if we go halvsies it’s two each for two weeks…

I was glad to get out of the Island Avenue house. I guess I’m having a bit of ‘rubber band’ syndrome as well, in spite of the fact that I enjoyed playing volleyball so much with him just yesterday. But this is perhaps linked to other things. I’ve just felt awkward, like I didn’t belong there. Like he only let me stay there because he felt obligated. Obligation can be such a huge insult sometimes. I often let my interest in and enthusiasm for other people go unchecked; this can be a negative thing with some people, especially men. Best that I check one in particular; the longer I go and the more I see I become further clouded in doubt. This is a good thing. Now I can stop thinking about me and concentrate on finding a nice boy for Mich!

26 APRIL – NEWPORT BEACH, CA

The house is still lovely beyond words and life has been good in SoCal. The neighbors are having a party tonight, or so the flier says. They were passing fliers out at the beach to promote their shindig; that move in and of itself doesn’t inspire much confidence in their success, or more to the point, their long term survival. There is apparently a 10.00pm noise ordinance. I wonder how strictly that is enforced? Not that I want their party to be compromised, but unlike the hosts who are getting evicted, I have work tomorrow and would like to be conscious for at least half of it.

4 MAY – NEWPORT BEACH, CA

Sitting on the beach, watching the waves flirting with the seashore again. I love that grand ‘hush’, when they break and succumb to the journey. There are boys near the water playing soccer; their thin, strong bodies parading back and forth, long swim shorts hiding their modest thighs, yet hanging provocatively on their barely-there hips. Shouting in victory or defeat, peppering each other with sand on their salty chests. The ball lofts high… GOAL! Arms in the air, his hands and feet seem to be running in opposite directions as his torso expands to immeasurable lengths, his long daring shorts the only sign of reality.

One of the guys had the chiseled hips of Adonis, but looks like a plumber’s apprentice from behind. I love watching a guy’s hair dancing on his head while he runs, it’s just magic…

7 MAY – NB, CA

My aunt Rory and dearest friend Mandy are playing pool as I sit at the bar, attempting to resurrect irreverent comments dubbed ‘Mel-isms’ from breakfast this morning (at Alta Coffee, phenomenal!!!). Nothing like sitting at a four person table with the coffeehouse cat, spouting wisdom and aspirations…

Do you ever think about moments of joy as they’re happening? I have had a few in the last 24 hours. Sitting on the beach with Mandy, feeling the reconnection between us in the trusting silence. Sitting around the coffee table with Mandy and Rory, having my tarot cards read, delving into the parts of me that I struggle with the most, listening to sessions at the blues club, just being with people you love.

14 to 16 MAY – LA TO MEDFORD, OR

Some scattered thoughts from our three day trip up Highway 1:

Rolling vineyards tucked into the sandy green hills… tall thin pines like in Italy… small worn homes with satellite dishes larger than their cars… round the bend and the view opens to a massive panorama of pine and perfect nature, with the exception of the four lane interstate highway that we were traversing through the middle of it all… I hugged the turns and raced along the shore, like NASCAR meets the Audubon Society… huge trees wider than my wingspan, I struggle to hug them like a bulbous aunt… the Fisherman’s Restaurant doesn’t have fresh shrimp for their omelettes – explain this to me… A trucker took photos of Mich and I outside the restaurant… as we left, eight guys turned around and waved goodbye, one signaling to us a series of numbers that we made a point of forgetting…

Tour Schedule as of June:

June 27 to July 15 Denver, CO; July 18 to 22 Indianapolis, IN; July 24 to 29 Louisville, KY; July 31 to September 1 St. Louis, MO; September 3 to 9 Hot Springs, AR; September 10 to 16, Oklahoma City, OK; September 18 to October 20, Dallas TX; October 22 to November 10, Salt Lake City, UT; November 11 to December 15, Los Angeles, CA

17 MAY – MEDFORD, OR

The big news today is that Aaron is leaving the tour. Yes, he has decided to part and return to school in Minnesota, back to his old friends and the permanence of home. I have to say that my reaction is not what I expected, disappointed but not at all surprised. He is ready to move on with the next chapter in his life! The change will be a huge challenge though; Michelle is rather shaken up by the whole thing, and who can blame her. She expected a solid team for the year, but coming and going is a huge part of this kind of work. Just another traveler leaving the next town. You travelers out there know what I’m talking about. Setting up shop for hours, days, weeks, becoming a part of your surroundings, then packing up all the memories and experiences and heading off for the next place. Holding on to the people who affected you and leaving the rest behind in anonymity, but always walking away, always moving on.

21 MAY – MEDFORD, OR

You know, considering that this place is just like Jackson, I’ve had a great time here this week! Our Medford crew was, without a doubt, the BEST group we’ve worked with all year, and you could see the difference in the smooth running of the events and the fantastic turnout on the weekend. After Sunday’s event, a huge group of us went bowling; what a blast! We had such an obscene amount of fun, it should have been illegal…I have to thank everyone at the Medford store who helped us out and treated us with such kindness and friendship! You rock!

I had a fantastically restful day off as well. Explored the riverside trails on my bike for a while; went to the mall with Mich to exchange some shorts and proceeded to buy a lovely dress and pick up a very nice guy in one foul swoop. Wandered around the shopping center, ate an ice cream cone, and did two and half hours of paperwork! Should anyone be this excited about paperwork?!

24 MAY – SEATTLE, WA

I have at last arrived in Seattle! I’ve only been here for two short days and I already like it here. There’s just something about the place; the trees, the lush green that covers the landscape, the clean feeling, the mythical yet absent rain… just something.

I just spoke with Leslie, a mate I met back in Australia, and I am boiling over with anticipation for seeing her again! I love her so much! She’s such a good person, I just enjoy being around her…

25 MAY – SEATTLE, WA

I was recently checking out some web sites to learn more about Heath Ledger, an Aussie actor who is currently starring in ‘A Knight’s Tale’; a very good flick actually, I highly recommend you go and see it! Funny how I’m resolved in my reverence for anonymity and yet occasionally find myself sucked into the ‘I wonder what he’d be like to sit down and bs with’ regarding some actor or other ‘famous’ person. Fame seems intense and completely screwed up. It seems that it’s actually pursued to a certain point, then taking on a life of its own and subsequently turning the tables on the former pursuer. They are now the hunted! Hunted by people, papers, cameras, strangers. The glutton now prays for starvation, and what was once coveted is now shunned. Strange how the view changes once you step inside the picture, once you cross over to the greener grass on the other side…

MEMORIAL WEEKEND – SEATTLE, WA

I saw ‘Pearl Harbor’, pride of patriots and Hollywood promoters. It was good but not what I’d expected. It really concentrated on a love triangle with a historical event thrown in as an excuse to use special effects (which were impressive). Am I sounding a bit cruel? The attack scenes were fantastic; special effects teams are to be hearalded for the great work that was done. Perhaps the trio of central characters was important to bring the attack onto a more personal level, but that’s not how it came across to me after having first watched the film. I just could not personally swallow the neatly tied loose ends of the finale.

LAZING BY THE POOL – SEATTLE, WA

Two year old Maya just dipped her cherry red Mickey Mouse towel in the pool! There is a three square inch section of the towel that is still dry, and that’s where Maya is drying her face… There is a tiny cocoa skinned biscuit who has absolutely stolen our hearts! Smooth, rich chocolate skin, big pin balls bunching up her hair, neon stripes blazed across her chest, her smile stretching across her whole face as her father splashes water on her. She is truly gorgeous! A tiny neon siren of joy!

1 JUNE – SEATTLE, WA

This has been a day that I never expected, but what a nice day it was! I was getting ready to go to Starbuck’s for a little brekkie on my own, when Al volunteered to accompany me. We stayed there drinking coffee and talking for over five hours! Can you believe it?! We talked about everything from his idea for a film to my writing ambitions, it was just a ton of fun! We were there so long that they gave us a free cup of coffee! Regardless of their motivation, it has most definitely turned me on to the place...

5 JUNE – STARBUCK’S COFFEE SHOP, RENTON, WA

My dad would have been 44 years old yesterday. Strange to even scratch the surface of though as to how my life might be different if he was still alive. Would he be married yet again, raising more children he was afraid to have in the first place? Would he be a swinging bachelor, dating women my age? The hypothetical plot is open to a million and one theories, all conceivable, all outlandish and beyond reason. He’s gone. The end has already passed. And my life is as it should be. Funny the ideas that traverse your mind while you sit in a coffee shop on a bright rainy day in Seattle, fluid jazz bouncing in your ears. The world is in a state of contrast, isn’t it? Everything working against something else, creating an often skewed sense of balance…

There’s an attractive man sitting not more than ten feet away from me, nursing a grande something as he gazes out the wall of glass to the rain stained world outside. Sitting on an angle in his chair, not committing to any one view, one arm slung over the corner back, his other arm playing suitor to both his cup of java and his caffeine stained lips. He’s gone…

I just want to get away today, to be with an old friend who loves me, to explore a new place and feel a piece of me that has been so quiet just ROAR! I'm thinking of all my traveling mates, my friends overseas, all the wondrous gifted ones who are such an immeasurable and undeniable part of me, in spite of the expanse that separates us. I need a refill of passion right now. Or maybe I just need a shower… On latte #2 now, this one is getting nursed as if Starbuck’s won’t be here tomorrow. My little java haven at North Benson Square. What would I do without this place? I know I wouldn’t be nurturing an addiction to caffeine anyway…

’The thing that makes this day different than yesterday is that today you are going to do just as you please. Starting now.’ Just read this quote in the sleeve of my new cd. Crash! Bang! Ow! Reality. Possibility.

A man just sat down at the table next to mine. He’s wearing black corduroys. I LOVE CORDUROYS! That ‘whoosh’ every time one foot leads the other. Magic. Or hilarity, if you’ve ever seen the Levi’s cord commercial. I make it a point to leave my corduroys at home when spending time in the woods. A note to foreigners: Did you know that skunks LOVE corduroys?

4 JULY – LOUISVILLE, CO

Can I say that I miss Seattle without the entire audience gasping? Good. I miss Seattle. I don’t know what it is exactly; Leslie, my cousin Roger, the cool places I visited, the indescribable feeling of the place? What could it have been? Perhaps everything, but I do know that I will be visiting again. I loved it there! Watching the Mariners at Safeco Field with Leslie, dinner at 11.00 pm with Roger at the 5 Spot, cool wet hikes in the mountains up to quiet lakes still fringed with snow, memory-laced music filling my ears at the EMP, ducking flying fish at Pike’s Place Market, lattes and long chats at Starbuck’s, just being there and feeling good about something, anything. Seattle.

This restaurant is quite nice, though I wonder if the staff is looking at me strangely because people don’t write at the table in Colorado or they think I’m a food critic or I have something hanging from my nose. Either way the food is excellent and I’m being taken care of. If you’re ever in Denver, check out the Canyon Café at the Flatiron Crossing Mall in Louisville. Fantastic food, great service and a wonderful atmosphere. The second night you can go to Bloom, just across the way. Excellent food as well, my sister loves it there!

So we went to the national forest yesterday, Roosevelt and Rocky Mountain National Parks. We did two hikes and a bit of scenic driving. The first was Ceran St. Vrain, an easy four or five miler round trip with beautiful scenery! Upon returning, we sat on the rocks beside the river and listened to the rapids pass us by. After driving around for a while, we were (or I was anyway) convinced by Jim at the Lily Lake ranger station to hike to the top of Lily Mountain – speccy views from up there he said. Mich and I started up; after an encounter with a descending family, we quickly realized that this was no 1.5 miler as the map stated. Mich stopped about 2/3 of the way up and I continued on my own. What an ascent! I was at times doubled over, clutching my knees, trying to expand my breaths and slow my runaway heart! Pound pound pound like a race in my chest! I scrambled and climbed the last few meters to the top and WOW! I never expected to find what I did at the top of that mountain; unspoiled, pristine, silence-inducing 360 degree views, hawks sailing by and below on the breeze that, until now, was absent from me. Paradise! To stand on the summit, the world seemingly below me, the sounds of nature tickling my ears, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else… I took a bunch of photos up there, ate a couple handfuls of dried cranberries to lend some fuel to my hard, strong, shaking legs, smiled at the world and myself, and began my descent. I jogged most of the way back to where Mich was waiting, my toes were in agony after pummeling down the steep angles, crashing into roots and rocks. Ow! Pain never feels so good as when it’s pain derived from playing outdoors! I was so tired and infinitely happy up there, out there. Peace, fresh, free, open, honest, hushed, strong. Amazing that feeling when you walk a track and the plants bow over like fans gracing the way, the leaves caressing your legs, leaving a whisper of themselves on your senses long after you’ve passed. It was truly amazing to be in the Rockies for the first time, being a part of something so much larger than myself.

10 JULY – COLORADO SPRINGS, CO

“Hairy legs are your only link to reality!” Think on that one. A quote from a film where two women are discussing dating. One advises the other not to shave her legs before the date, that way she won’t let anything get out of hand. A brilliant stroke of logic! No pun intended, at least not on the first date…

This is a bit of a crazy time here; Michelle flew out two days ago to join the east coast crew, Erin has arrived to take over Aaron’s manager position, Jason is coming out on Thursday to fill the driver spot, and then Aaron will be off by the end of the week if not sooner. So many changes! I’m excited about them though; it’s all going to shake things up a bit which will be good for the tour and good for me! I love change when I choose to embrace it. That’s always the difference, isn’t it? I’m in Colorado Springs for this week. It’s an incredibly beautiful place, mountains cutting us off from the west, though we don’t feel fenced in. I’m going to check out the Garden of the Gods. I have no idea what it is exactly, but people in two states have told me that I must see it if I’m here. I’ll fill you in later. With any luck we’ll avoid the thunderstorms that are said to be heading this way. Again. We’ve been pelted with severe thunderstorms since our last day in Denver. On Sunday we were just finishing tear down when a massive system let loose on the city, driving rain into us and bombing our bodies with icy hail as we sprinted for the store’s shelter. I’ve never seen a storm like that in my life! Made for a nice story to tell as our last event with this particular team.

Oh oh, flashback of psychic event in Louisville on the 4th of July! While in between tours at the festival, I visited a palmist who did a reading for me. It was incredibly interesting for me to listen to her and take what she had to say, not as stark truth perhaps, but as fuel for thought. She was quite accurate about my personality, motivations, passions, etc., but what really got my attention was her reading of my love line! She said that I would meet and marry my soulmate within the next year, that he would be my only marriage and that in twenty five years he would marry me all over again. Now I’m still stuck on the ‘married in the next year’ bit. It’s all interesting and worth some reflection, but ME, married before I’m thirty? I don’t see it. I’m just going to have to prove her wrong. Just kidding, but honestly, who in my life sees me married in the next five years? Made for some mental fireworks though!

22 JULY – INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA

What a week this has been! I have to say hi and thank you to my parents who drove four hours to visit me this week! It was so great to spend time with them; I’d never realized how much I missed them until I saw them again. My college mate Jen came down with her new husband Noah and I met up with them and Wendy and Carl (more college mates) at Broad Ripple, a very cool place to hang out in Indy if you’re ever here. Heaps of bars, restaurants, cool shops, and just a great hangout for the youngins. No, technically that’s not a word, but if you can hear me reading this to you, it makes perfect sense. I had an amazing time in Indy; between the joy of seeing friends and spending time with my family, it was unbeatable! I particularly recall Thursday; my parents and I hung out in my room most of the morning. Mom helped me to set up my new laptop for work, and dad helped me install some extras on my mountain bike. Most people don’t consider a rear view mirror, odometer, and other parts ‘extras’, but they do not have an ‘Insane Rider’ sticker on their bikes, do they? I think not. What a fantastic time though. The true beauty of not having to do anything at all, just to be and enjoy each other’s company. Work itself was insane on several levels. Unfortunately, Jason was ill so he was unable to work the event, so not only was the place packed to the rafters but we were short staffed to boot. We worked at the Black Expo, the largest of its kind in the country, a celebration of African-American culture and family. Needless to say, we were in the minority there. It was a fantastic time! Massive numbers of people, amazing food, entertainment, tons of free stuff, an absolutely huge event! We had incredible numbers over the course of the three days, but Erin, Al and I were hoarse and exhausted at the end. Can you believe I was nearly mute? No one believes me…

29 JULY – LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY

Hello Louhvlle! A typo? I think not. That is a phonetic translation of the local pronunciation of this city’s name. I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat. The ‘i’s in ‘Louisville’ are only there for decoration apparently. We’ve spent no time in Louisville, but rather in the old Louisville section, now the ghetto, but the only place to live sixty years ago. We are working at the West Louisville Celebration Festival, which is not only a festival but serves as a reunion meeting ground for local families every summer. It was another huge weekend event like Indy, only outdoors and we were elated to have Jason back with us!

This is a weekend that will be hard to put into words. I don’t want to get ranty, but this was a tough weekend to work. We had massive numbers, 800 kids on Saturday alone, and our local crew was absolutely amazing! We had three stores in the Louisville area lending staff support, and the most impressive aspect was the fact that all three store managers were on site from start to finish every day; even the district manager, James, was on site for two of those days! They pitched in just like the other fourteen staffers we had. Yes, I said FOURTEEN. Unbelievable! They were, without a doubt, the best thing about this weekend and the only reason we are all still sane. The second best thing would have been the food (catfish and potato wedges), followed by the gospel festival on Sunday. We worked very long hours surrounded by essentially many of the same people we saw all weekend. There were so many kids who came to see us again and again, many just for the free flashlight. I feel so used! I hope we managed to get to many of those kids and their families with our message. Let’s hope they benefit from our presence and their participation.

30 JULY – ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI

We’re outta there! After closing up at the festival last night, we got out of Dodge! We were in St. Louis before midnight, checking into what will be our hotel for the next three weeks. Strangely enough, I’m staying next to the first hotel I stayed in when I started the Lowe’s tour last October. I’m surrounded by fond memories of the gas station where I bought my breakfast every morning, the office park where I took walks, and the Hooters restaurant next door where all the jugs (of beer) are plentiful. I’m on the third floor and the elevator only works if you’re NOT on the first floor. Am I just lucky? Perhaps, as Erin helped me haul my heavy bins up three flights of stairs to my almost penthouse suite. Sarcasm lives! Another Extended Stay America, though the first one I’ve ever been to that has exterior entry to the rooms. I prefer the interior hallway access, but it’s not all bad. I still managed to break open the bins and turn this bland, impersonal space into ‘Melville’ in less than an hour. At one in the morning I had a home, I was coated in hours-old sweat from working at the park, my hair was rebelling from the fraternity of the french braid it had clung to the entire day, I smelled like a ripe entry at the county fair, and I was too tired to do anything about any of it. I may later regret the decision to fall into bed and succumb to sleep as is, but at the moment it was the only sane option. This morning I was resolved to do laundry to replenish my wardrobe and prevent the necessity of going commando for the rest of the week. Now I’m not saying that going without is bad, not in the least, but I love my undies and I will not abandon them to the sedation of the hamper! Big words for a commentary on britches. Did anyone else’s grandma call them ‘britches’? I love that word.

More news from Melville; my travel mate Dazza is flying over for his first excursion to the States and will be with me for a couple of weeks! For those who don’t know Dazz, he’s a Brit I met on the ferry in New Zealand. We make very good travel mates and meet up once in a while, like in January when we caught up in Italy for a week. I’m looking forward to seeing him again, it will be fun to show him a bit of home. I do mean this literally, as we have tentatively decided to take a week and visit Michigan, which of course means seeing a few folks along the way. We’ll be cruising through the week of 20 August, so keep a look out for us!

15 AUGUST – ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI

Do you ever recall those tourist trips you’ve taken, the ones that inspire nausea and raucous laughter upon reflection? I am recalling the cliff paintings at Watkins Glen; paying entirely too much money to view a collection of what resembled spray painted murals. All this we paid to see from a boat, when it was plainly visible from the roadside for absolutely nothing save the conviction to stop. I’m so glad I was a non-paying twelve-year-old at the time, no fiscal regret! I’m thinking about my time in Indy last month with my mom and dad. That day at the Indy Motor Speedway was priceless, much like the Glen. Three dollars to take a lap around the famed track. But not just any lap trip; we shuffle onto a former hotel shuttle bus piloted by an overweight retired guy brandishing a massive silver Indy belt buckle and an even larger comb-over. He could’ve served tea on that belt buckle. We couldn’t have passed 40 mph on our trip around the track, and the only thing more difficult than standing the snail-like speed was repressing the aching laughter that was fighting its way out of my mouth. It was almost sacrilegious! For three bucks we should’ve had a second lap around during which our own Chuck Yeager floors it and rides bank! I felt like a bewildered and unsatisfied woman post coitus – ‘Is that it?’ The driver could have at least held me afterward…

Let’s move on to my more recent activities. I spent quite a long time at the Missouri Botanical Gardens today and they are lovely! I’ve walked nearly the entire grounds and am pretty impressed. They have a special African sculpture collection currently being shown in the garden. I took photographs of some incredible sculptures, so many that I now no longer have any film for any shots at the Arch (my next stop). The heat and glare of the clear sun caused me to seek shelter under the occasional grove of trees, then I would emerge to feel the heat on the baking stone of the sculptures. This whole day has been a true sensory experience, a place where I could get lost and not want to be found. I met a sculptor from Zimbabwe, Arthur, who is here for the month sculpting at the gardens. He learned the skill from elders and then went to college for seven years to study art history and anatomy. Appropriately enough, when I met Arthur he was sculpting a torso. It was amazing to watch him chisel away at this piece of volcanic rock he’d brought with him from Africa, layers falling away to reveal his vision inside. He used a builder’s hammer, used to crush up bricks, to give the body texture along every curve. He is traveling to Germany next where he works at a studio every year, teaching and creating. He has some works at gardens in London and Cape Town at the moment, but this is his first exhibition and trip to the United States. Happy travels, Arthur!

’… creeping vines perched upon trellises, soaking up the sun before it can warm the ground. The cool foliage gives shade and breath, sheltering me and strangers as we sit and ponder ourselves…’

16 AUGUST – ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI

Back at the local Starbucks again, this time in St. Louis, just down the road from my hotel. This is a nice little Starbucks; it looks like it used to be a bank from the outside but the inside is all Javaland. I’m just going to sit here, jumping from the table and chair to the plush purple lounger depending on my mood, my reading material, and the state of my posture. I’m at the table now – it’s early.

My cousin Adam is getting married next weekend. How does this happen? I wonder how people get married at our age, and then I remember just what ‘our age’ really is. Many people are getting married or have been for a while at twenty-five. Sometimes I wonder if I possess the emotional maturity to have a relationship. Maybe I’d be great at it, but who knows? I’m not in once place long enough to find out! I shouldn’t express this as a bad thing, because my situation is pretty outstanding. It all really depends upon which half of the glass you’re looking at. I love the personal growth, the independence, and the freedom of living on the road. It’s such a great life opportunity to see the country, make some money, and most importantly gain some experience in work and in life. The only ‘half empty’ argument lies in the sometimes-lonely state of affairs, the relative inability to commence or sustain a relationship. This lifestyle, however, is completely voluntary on my part, so any lack of companionship is based on a choice I’ve made. I embrace the fact that my solo lifestyle affords me the opportunity to experience aloneness and at the same time to learn to appreciate my own company. I think that the last three years have been a time of focus on personal self-discovery for me. I think that when someone enjoys their own company and can be alone without being lonely, then they can truly appreciate the company of others. You can’t fully and completely appreciate food until you’ve been truly hungry, and to me interpersonal relationships are no different. Enough about my personal philosophies on relationships, I wasn’t done ranting yet. I also occasionally long for the ability to have a place of my own to maintain and decorate. Yes, I love to decorate homes, a poorly advertised passion of mine. I was just talking with Kimber on the phone this morning and we breached the subject of art. It’s a facet of my life that has been relatively stagnant since I’ve been on the road. Leaving my artistic side dormant I feel is leading to an imbalance in my life. I asked Kimber to teach me how to crochet. What a great activity; I can be creative with color, texture, and product, create a tangible object, and attain a skill that can be done for the rest of my life. When K was making the scarf for me when we were in Italy, I was captivated and then decided I wanted to learn how to crochet. It was amazing to watch her – the focus, the relaxation, the creativity and creation! I think it’s so great to be a 25-year-old crochet fan! I love the presumed irony of the state. I am now compiling a list of outlets for my personal artistic expression; if you have any thoughts, please feel free to share. So far I have compiled a list of ten activities, so I’m not doing too badly. Now I’m on to a venti green tea and am splitting my time between writing and listening to a conversation between a grandmother and her high school senior granddaughter. An amusing conversation, it’s none of my business, which is most likely why it’s been so entertaining for me. It’s amazing to think how your priorities change as you get older; in high school, your priorities are your clothes, your class schedule, and how everyone else sees you. Now my priorities are my travel destinations, my holistic health, and the ability to maintain meaningful relationships with my friends and family while I’m on the road.

I really like the name Jack. I’ve met a lot of little boys lately named Jack, and the name charms me for some reason. I also like Neil, and Finn for a girl. Go figure. I’ve also been having a surge of thoughts about my massive Neil Finn poster and my desire to get it professionally framed. I really feel like it needs to be done soon, or there will be permanent damage to the work. I adore that poster; whenever I daydream about my future home, that print is central to the quality of décor. My favorite element of having a home of my own is the exciting prospect of filling it with remnants of my personality and experiences. Yes, decorating! It’s only a bad thing if it’s all from a soulless store of banal untouched prints and textures of nothing in particular. Décor in my opinion is not meant to simply cover a wall or fill corner of the floor. It is a testament to who you were, are, and aspire to be. My home is a museum of my life in progress – new rotating exhibits on a constant basis. Every time someone comes into my home, there will be something new to explore, to discover and to question. I sure as hell throw a lot into what for most is the simple task of decorating one’s house. I am a simple girl with some complicated ideas. They seem pretty simple and straightforward to me. Ah, to be inside the picture…

17 AUGUST – ST. LOUIS MISSOURI

Back at the Olive Street Starbuck’s, for yet another breakfast reading/writing session. I think I might go see a movie this week. I like this coffee shop – the guy I saw yesterday is here working again. He made my drink with precision and humor and even brought it to me! Sweet pea. I am so easily entertained…

I just heard something rather unsettling. I’m sitting in the local movie theatre, waiting for the previews/film to start, being appeased for the wait with debut singles and celebrity trivia. The announcer claims that our next song is from a new band from the guy who created seven our of eight boy bands. But this band of crooning testosterone, according to our narrator, plays its own instruments. Wow. Since when did legitimate musicianship become a selling point for a band? Since Milli Vanilli perhaps. It just sounds so ridiculous! I used to think that music marketing would be a fulfilling and inspiring occupation for me, but seeing all the pure mediocrity that is created and marketed as quality for the sake of profit is truly crushing. The adage is true, the vast majority of truly good music isn’t popular.

I just heard an interesting concept discussed today, something I don’t think I’ve ever thought about in quite this light. Forgiveness doesn’t imply that you’re not hurt or that what was done is acceptable. Rather, it means that you won’t let it eat away at you and hold you back from your life. True and an open and mature position to take on this case hey? I only strive to act on such good advice, the true test in my opinion.

20 AUGUST – ANDERSON, INDIANA

I am in this state of surrealism, and I’m not describing a style of art. I’m sitting in a Cracker Barrel at 7.30 in the morning somewhere between Indianapolis and Fort Wayne, thinking about how much I love this. Getting in the (rental) car, putting a CD in, and just going! Watching the world pass you by and doing a little passing of your own. I just feel truly free at this moment. I could take a turn and never go to Michigan and just have another adventure of my own. But I won’t, because this time going home is an adventure. I choose to be there, so it is the adventure that I want. I’m looking forward to this week; seeing my best mates, my family, hanging out with Dazz, and tooling around Michigan in the lovely summertime!

28 AUGUST – KALAMAZOO, MICHIGAN

I am spending my last morning in Kalamazoo at Waterstreet Coffee Joint, a chai, muffin, and Jack Kerouac as my companions. Kimber will be joining me shortly. I’m looking forward to seeing her again before I go. This place gives me joy. Waterstreet, Kalamazoo, all of it. I feel at home here, knowing that my friends are here, the air hanging around me, saturated with memories. It’s hard to explain to others, especially friends overseas, why my time at university is among the most unforgettable of my life. Why it conjures up so many images that evoke the most intense of emotions within me, revealing elements of my past that have made indelible marks on me, my present and what yet unforeseen future lies ahead. It’s not just school for us. Rather, university is a lifestyle, a way of life that encompasses every aspect of life for four (or in many cases, five or more) years. Class, sports, music, clubs, communal ‘dorm’ living, being a part of and functioning in a microcosm of society, all facets of the college experience.

15 SEPTEMBER – OKLAHOMA CITY, OK ‘The spirit of this city and this nation will not be defeated; our deeply rooted faith sustains us.’ These words are engraved at the Oklahoma City National Memorial. I visited there to meditate of recent events and to take some photographs. It was an incredibly beautiful place in contrast to the ugly violence that had once marred it. I was glad to stand there, feeling the peace, learning more about what had happened. It’s hard to describe the place, but above all I was impacted by the effort of the memorial to personalize the tragedy, to give a life and a personality to those who’d died. I was also deeply affected and inspired by the heroic and collaborative efforts of so many in Oklahoma to help others. It seemed to remind me that Americans are at their best in the toughest times. I salute all those in OK City who lost their lives and the many who stood up and made a difference. Just like today…

17 SEPTEMBER – EULESS, TEXAS

I don’t even dare to venture a guess as to how many journals I’ve amassed since I was young and began to document aspects of my life. I have just commenced yet another volume in yet another café, this time a Barnes & Noble bookstore outside of Oklahoma City where they proudly serve Starbuck’s coffee. Not five minutes ago it was pouring outside, so much so that as I drove I was saturated in paranoia as we paraded through standing pools of water a foot deep in the road. With all the insane stuff going on lately, I don’t want to drown in a company car on the way to return videos to Blockbuster in Oklahoma City. That’s just too poetic. I’m doing to share something with you in keeping with out on-line relationship. After work yesterday, we three youngins stopped by Ted’s Café Escondido, a famed local Mexican restaurant. In addition to your meal, the servers flank you with all the chips, salsa, queso, and warm flour tortillas you can handle, and sopapillas as a sweet finale. The food was massive and nice. While we were there, I followed one particular server with my eyes for the entire course of our meal. Perhaps something one simply can’t explain, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He , still unnamed, was working the line of tables behind Jason and Erin, so he was in a prime position for my admiration, walking back and forth, minding tables, chatting with the other servers at the cashier station. Black hair fighting gravity in a spiky rebellion, sideburns running half way down his strong, chiseled jaw line, deep eyes of no specific color, a trim waist, strong shoulders hugged by his polo shirt, and muscular ‘not big’ legs parading him back and forth in front of me. Of course, occasionally I thought he was looking at me, but I never really know if it’s impartial observation or my own motivations tainting my interpretation. This struggle ended when, as I got up to head to the ninas room (that’s spanglish for ‘restroom’), he and I crossed paths rather closely and I gave him a big smile as we passed each other. Then, on the way to the door, he and I headed straight for each other, doing the ‘dodge’ thing a bit, excusing our respective selves, and keeping our eyes fixed on one another, though perhaps not on the face. A part of me wanted to stop him, to talk with him, to give him the fork I found on the restroom floor. But then there’s that other part that says, ‘Why? You’re leaving in three days, nothing will come of it, so why bother now?’ The latter voice is really pathetic and not the best side of me I thin, but so many times it gets the upper psychological hand and wins over. Quick note – I just watched a nice looking young blond boy/student switch tables three times in the span of four minutes. Do you realize that since my meeting with Myrna Lou, the palm reader, I have taken to looking at or checking out every man who passes by? The restaurant episode is just one example of so many as of late. This server, did I mention, had braces on top of it all? We sometimes flatter ourselves with the thought that we somehow seem to look beyond a lot of superficial junk and get down to the bigger picture, but in this situation I admit I’m not such an angel. After all, this guy was, by conventional standards, a pretty damn good looking guy on the whole. Any insinuation that I possess some sort of philanthropic view of attraction is complete crap. As a Taurus with a rising sun in Leo, I am attracted to bells and whistles more than most. Good thing Myrna Lou claims that I’ll be surrounded by the ringing and whistling of my mate to be! And yet I walk away from Ted. I’m going to name that lovely server ‘Ted’, since I have no way to be accurate here, other than returning to the restaurant and asking him directly. The thought has obviously crossed my mind. You know, at this point in my romantic life, I have absolutely nothing to lose, so why do I let that freaked out, dismissive side of me undermine my opportunities? Something to ponder. Any thoughts, please post to my guestbook. Oh, a nice looking young man at the counter; dark hair, jeans, well spoken and dark prominent eyes. I like the way he stands, the smile he leads each sentence with, calm and confident manner, the spiky gelled hair I could do without but it suits him. That’s just my own aversion to hair styling products talking. And now he’s gone. Goodbye! You will live on in this moment on this paper, on that screen. We’ll meet again…

I feel like sitting in my apartment, watching the rain outside, listening to George Michael’s ‘Listen Without Prejudice vol. 1’, writing letters and ringing friends. Now all I need is my CD and the damn flat! All in good time; there are some amazing things you can do in the mean time. Parting quote for the day, from the film ‘Good Will Hunting’. I saw the film again the other day and remembered why I like it so much. It’s just cleverly written, enjoyable to experience, and full of some great lines (and raunchy jokes). Quality! Anyway, your thought for today: ‘… Cause you’ll have bad times, but they’ll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren’t paying attention to.’ Discuss…

11 OCTOBER – IRVING, TX So last night I was perusing the lair of indie film maker Kevin Smith, www.viewaskew.com, learning more about one of my favorite films, DOGMA. As I surfed around the site, it occurred to me that this guy is a well connected comic book fanatic who has a ton of cool friends with whom he collaborates on some of the most outlandish and often most insightful and original films around. The web site is a fun place to play; I love the film set diaries (obviously), the photos, and most notably the merchandise! I am normally not one for movie memorabilia, but the Buddy Christ dashboard figurine is becoming a true temptation (no pun intended). Kevin and his mates don’t come across as ‘image’ guys and I like that. Sometimes I think that his jokes are beyond crass and sexist, but he’s a guy, and a comic book guy at that. Let him run free… Besides, who am I to preach about crass or sexist? When Mandy and I brought our Brit bud Dazz to see ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’, she and I were in hysterics the entire time, drawing unprecedented attention to (according to a very embarrassed and slightly confused Dazz). Is this something I should be noticing? I don’t think so either.

Apparently DOGMA wasn’t a huge success at the box office by any stretch of the imagination, but in my never humble opinion, it is Smith’s best film and one of my all time favorite movies. The premise revolves around two banished angels who find a loophole in Catholic dogma that would allow them back into heaven, with earth shattering consequences unbeknownst to them. The high rollers in heaven look to a cynical descendant of Christ (who works at an abortion clinic, fancy that) to prevent the celestial bad boys from achieving their misguided goal. Our heroine has help along the way from a multitude of, well, hosts, and the adventures and ideas that take place bring us all to a new level of honesty with ourselves and perhaps give us a new appreciation of the power of our own faith. And I almost pissed myself laughing. To take on what is a touchy subject (or deeply personal anyway) for so many and treat it with humor, criticism, and appreciation, is just brilliant! I highly recommend that you check it out, though perhaps against the advice of your local parishioner. I heard that Smith and the film itself came under heavy fire from the Catholic church and countless others, but I wonder why they take themselves so seriously? Staunch beliefs and attitudes like that result in the foundation of extremist events like those of September 11. What’s the point in living if there’s only one way to go about it?

12 OCTOBER – IRVING, TX

I don’t know where my mother heard these words of wisdom but I’m so glad she shared them with me. A thought for the day, perhaps for your life:

15 OCTOBER – IRVING, TX

‘Holding on to anger means holding on to someone who’s hurt you. You have to let it go.’ A pensive phrase from Kimber, my dear friend! We were talking at length on the phone tonight and she made a comment along these lines. I actually held my breath as she said it; the simplicity and sheer honesty of such a statement blew me away and once again reminded me why she is one of my dearest and most respected friends. We talked about everything as friends do, from the India Arie album to the way we view ourselves as women. It’s crazy how people by and large continually underestimate themselves. I have fallen victim to such thinking lately, allowing myself to become intimidated by others or perhaps more doubtful of myself. It’s so important to have friends who can help open you to the perspective shift you need to remember who you really are.

CLICK HERE TO SEE IMAGES FROM THIS YEAR'S TRAVELS!

16 OCTOBER – CORNER BAKERY CAFÉ, IRVING, TX

Another session at Corner Bakery. I love watching people interacting with one another! I’m initially captured by the words pouring out of their mouths, but more fascinating are the myriad of expressions that decorate the facial landscape with unsaid thoughts, opinions, assumptions, judgements, and ideas. I went for a run this morning, I just had my hair cut and I’m going to get a facial. This has been a truly excellent day so far! The weather here feels like autumn in Michigan – cool, the breeze chilling you, causing your hair to stand up on end, but the sun still refuses to retreat and blazes indignantly in a sky bereft of clouds. The chill in the air and the warmth of the sun has that ‘opposites attract’ quality that inspires a feeling of bliss. Like chocolate covered potato chips.

I love the feeling of someone cutting my hair. It feels so good to have a pair of hands playing with your hair, touching your head and neck. I am craving personal contact so much that I am now frequenting salons weekly in an effort to fulfill my basic human needs! I’ve felt lately that I need to make an effort to touch and be touched. If Romanian orphans have taught us anything, it’s the life or death importance of human contact. While I do get hugged by my share of kindergartners, I crave something more personal. With my lifestyles as it is at the moment, my best opportunity for regular contact is through a haircut, a massage, a facial, a grateful kindergartner. That last one comes off sounding a bit perverse, but you know what I mean. I realize that often I come across as a badass, or, more accurately according to my mom, a smartass, but in the end I’m a pretty affectionate girl who likes to hug and hold hands and touch. No, this is not an invitation so don’t call me. Perhaps the primary reason I’ve been struggling lately with enjoying my state of alone is that I’m the only one who is alone. Al is married and has spent all his days off with his family in Houston, and Erin and Jason have each other, though I’ve yet to figure that one out. I am the only one of the four of us as of late who is on her own and is dealing with the occasional slew of negative thoughts that slowly accumulate like cobwebs in the corners of one’s mind.

21OCTOBER – FT. WORTH, TX

We’ve just finished up an incredibly enjoyable week with the crew at the Ft. Worth store and I wanted to share with you all some photos from this week’s events!

Photos from Ft. Worth, Texas!

22 OCTOBER

23 OCTOBER – SOMEWHERE IN ARIZONA

We’ve just begun day two of our road trip from Dallas, TX to Salt Lake City, UT. Yes Virginia, it is a long way. We got as far as Gallup, NM last night and have been in AZ for fifteen minutes already, speeding by the endless rows of Indian trading post billboards. I have every intention of stopping actually, but I don’t think they’re open for business at 7.00am. Mom used to buy turquoise jewelry for me when she visited her sister Nancy in New Mexico. I was a little girl of 6 or 7 then, so I would like to add some pieces to my collection that actually fit me. I’m not big into jewelry in general, but I like silver and turquoise rings. I get a strange feeling as we hurl ourselves past the communities of poverty and displacement. All these descendants of Native Americans, the first settlers of this land we so proudly call America, stripped of their homes and their way of life all in the name of progress. Progress for whom?

We are listening to the best of James on the CD player. This CD saturates my mind with memories and feelings of my time in New Zealand. Some of these feelings are such that I would rather not relive them in any capacity, but I’m trying to focus on the positive memories. I learned an unprecedented amount about other people and myself while I was there. I would love to go back and make some new memories…

Thoughts of the AZ landscape: Trees with golden leaves dotting the landscape, following a crevasse that used to be a river. Blue green scrub bushes like a patchy blanket carpeting the dusty ground. I call it scrub, but there must be 100 precise names and descriptions for these plants, the thriving survivors of the desert… Dinosaur museum outside Holbrook, AZ; As you approach the exit, you can’t help but double take as dinosaurs stand perched along the highway, presumably on their way to the museum to pull the morning shift…The Midwest has been represented out here – we’ve seen cars from Indiana, Ohio, Minnesota, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan. Had to be particularly respectful to the MI drivers in spite of their sluggish pace as their autos were adorned with Michigan State décor. GO STATE… This has got to be one of the most grueling drives in the U.S. Pretty but grueling. There is no quick or efficient way to get to SLC from where we were. I remember driving from LA to SLC last year. It sucked. I also recall the trip from SLC to Phoenix. Also sucked. I need to play so badly! A run, a bike ride, a playground, anything to get out of this god forsaken van!

25 OCTOBER – SALT LAKE CITY, UT

We made it! After almost 1800 miles and over 25 hours of driving, we finally arrived in SLC intact and barely coherent. We were exhausted and just wanted to crash, but we decided to try to find the Wild Oats Market and pick up some food. We got back in the detested van and set forth in search of the market. After passing the corner the store was supposed to be on at least three times, we called another Wild Oats store only to find out that the one we were in search of no longer existed. Fortunately, the store we’d called was open until 10.00pm, so there was still hope for us getting some shopping done. We finally found the second store and stocked up with some yummy organic produce and other vegetarian treats! By the time we’d checked out we were beyond exhausted and our only desire was to get home and get to bed. Erin’s goal was to get home with the eggs intact. Funny she should mention that, as not more than two minutes after she made the statement she slammed on the brakes in the middle of I-215 in order to avoid hitting a stalled truck smack in the middle lane, spewing the contents of the grocery bags all over the back of the van, including the sacred eggs. The irony was laughter inducing, and at this point we’d figured that the day couldn’t possibly get any worse, so why not? I have decided to splurge a bit and get the ‘deluxe’ room, complete with a small living room area with sofa and coffee table. It doubles as an excellent yoga/tae bo play area, in addition to the fact that it means more room for my bike and surface area for my candles. Erin came in here the other day and said it looked like I was holding a séance. I wish I were so well connected. I love the candles, the photo hangers, the stereo, the Venus statue; all the little things that make a hotel room my home. They make all the difference to me. I’m listening to the Eagles right now, and I have to say that their first volume of greatest hits is phenomenal. It has to be one of my favorite driving albums, and I can’t seem to get enough of it lately. ‘Take It to the Limit’ blows my mind, it just gets to me for some unexplainable reason. It will no doubt end up on one of my complication creations. Speaking of, I’m in the process of working on a compilation CD of travel tunes. Any suggestions?

I should get going, but before I do so I just want to say a thank you to some of my friends who have flattered me with some wonderful postcards, letters, gifts, and kind words. Shelly, my volleyball mate, immediately comes to mind. She recently sent me an e-card that just blew me away! Thank you so much Shell, I am truly honored! Dear friends, the fact that you are reading these words right now tells me that I have somehow captured your thoughts and is a testament to your loyalty and friendship. Thank you all for adding so much to my life!

29 OCTOBER – SALT LAKE CITY, UT

This is the first time I have ever used the complimentary coffee maker that is always fixed on the counter of my hotel room. I usually drink green tea, juice, or water, but for some reason coffee sounded incredibly appealing to me. I have just finished posting yet another event recap to the company site and have spent some time surfing around looking for nothing in particular. The Eagles are playing behind me, calming me and inspiring some excellent daydream sequences. I cannot get enough of these guys lately! You know, I think I could live in a place like this. A small, one room palace of simplicity. I have always liked hotels. I equate them with a vacation, special time away from the norm. I suppose that is fairly accurate, considering that many would consider my lifestyle to be a vacation, or abnormal at the very least. In a concerted effort to dispel any rumors, this is not a vacation by any stretch of the imagination. We actually do work out here, sometimes very hard, and after work ends we deal with the reality of being severed from all ties of familiarity and comfort. Our family becomes the people we work with, sometimes whether we like it or not, and we not only work together, but we socialize, live, and travel together as well. We could rival the most turbulent of marriages at times! Perhaps under some obscure Mormon passage of scripture we would qualify as a shining example of polygamy. Yeah, probably not. At least we’re in the right state for it.

I received my ‘Ah’ ring today! I am pretty giddy about this ring. The Ah ring stands for Available and Happy, a testament to the power and freedom of the single girl! That would be me, so I thought I would treat myself to this stunning white gold and diamond band. It’s a lovely pinky ring, not pretentious but still a strong statement about being happy with oneself, with or without a partner. I think it’s a pretty cool concept, and if you’re a gal who feels like I do, then feel free to check out the web site and see for yourself! www.ahring.com Thanks to mom for forwarding it to me and not keeping it for herself, and yes dad, they are real diamonds…

I have three days off now and I need to figure out what I want to do with my time other than laundry and e-mails. I have already told Al that I am taking him with me to Cracker Barrel for breakfast this week. Al is on a no carbohydrate diet for two weeks under the advice of his doctor, so perhaps the pecan pancakes would be a poor choice. I told him he is welcome to live vicariously through me as I enjoy the pancakes on his behalf. That didn’t go over well. It’s funny to me how different Al and I are, yet we get along very well. I’ve learned a lot from Al this year and I know when we part ways for other tours that I will miss his presence. Until then, it’s pancake time! I’m also looking to get some hiking in and explore Salt Lake City proper. I never got downtown last year due to the horrendous construction on the highways in preparation for the 2002 Olympics. Now that the work is completed, it is so much easier to get around! If you’ve never been to Salt Lake City, I highly recommend that you visit some time. It’s worth a trip just to be surrounded by the majesty of the Rocky Mountains, peaks towering over every community like watchmen. More on my impressions of SLC in the coming weeks, but my first impression is that I could spend more time here…

Still have not met Donny Osmond, but I am optimistic about a meeting while in Orem. I just spent the last week in Ogden, the birthplace of the entire Osmond clan. Ogden is the Gary, Indiana of Utah I suppose; the meager beginning for another entertainment family. If I do happen upon him, I suppose I should refrain from mentioning that my mother had a crush on him before I did. I went nuts for the guy when I was rather young, probably about the time he had his musical comeback with the earth shattering ‘Soldier of Love’ single. You’d know it if you heard it. Anyway, I proceeded to feed my youthful/lustful obsession with two trips to Chicago for the Andrew Lloyd Webber production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, starring the often scantily clad Donny. I have to say that, no matter what you may think about the man, he looks damn nice in a loincloth.

3 NOVEMBER – SALT LAKE CITY, UT

So much has transpired, I hate trying to mentally back track and cover it all. Salt Lake has been quite enjoyable for me. It’s just so gorgeous here, and I’ve done a couple of fun things as well. All four of us went to the Utah Jazz home opener versus the Milwaukee Bucks of all teams. Erin absolutely had to go, and I’m a lover of sport myself so I obviously went. It was a lot of fun – the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang God Bless America and the Star Spangled Banner, which I must admit brought a tear to my eye. It felt so good being there, hand over my heart, surrounded by fellow Americans who are truly uniting for the first time in over fifty years. The game itself was very entertaining. The Bucks pulled out a win in overtime much to Erin’s joy and delight. We sat in the very last row of the Delta Center, and I mean that. Our seats were instantly removable – I’m not sure that they even exist for most of the season. In any case, all jokes aside, they were great seats as we could see everything on the courts without obstructions. My other excursion was just last night. I saw Neil Diamond! He is on a world tour and he performed two shows in SLC and I made it to the final one. He sang so many great songs; you rarely recall all the hits an artist has had until you hear them all at once. IF you close your eyes, you’d have no idea that decades have passed in Neil’s distinguished career. He sounds as clear, distinct, and gorgeous as he every has and I am so excited and honored to have been there to see him and enjoy his talents! The demographics of the audience were interesting to me. I expected more people my age that had grown up listening to Neil, but he vast majority were 45 to 70 years of age. This shouldn’t have surprised me like it did. My only criticism of last evening has to do with the audience. Most people were content to just sit in their chairs and tap their toes inside their shoes rather than standing up and dancing! Where was the passion? I need to realize that I’m a minority in that department. I live on the edge of my emotions whereas most ride the fence. It can get tough at times, but at least I’m living fully!

9 NOVEMBER – PARK CITY, UT

Having dinner at Cisero’s, an Italian bistro on Main Street in Park City. I think my server is actually Italian. What a spectacle this place must be during the Sundance Film Festival…

The few leaves still dangling from the nearly bare branches on the tree outside look like they’re waving at me as I sit by the french doors. It’s as if they’re cheering on their own demise in anticipation of the forthcoming spring and its new generation of foliage…

What is it about waiters? Is it their boyish charms? Excellent grooming? Or perhaps the fact that he is a man who is at your beck and call, happy to fulfill your every whim? Regardless of the actual reason, the attraction is at times undeniable! Park City is known for its skiing, snowboarding, and hiking. And shopping of course. Not much going on here at the moment, so I’ll probably stroll along Main Street and try to get some Christmas shopping done, then check out Olympic Park and head home. There are outlet malls just out of town, but that doesn’t sound like much fun today.

Bad Ass Coffee Co., Park City UT --- This place is so cool! And I mean ‘cool’ in the best, least conventional way. I walk in and there’s this gorgeous brown lab lying on the floor! His name is Caleb. I chat around with the guy at the counter, recommends this coffee called ‘Nutty Irishman’. So excellent! I buy a bunch of Christmas gifts and chat on as this lovely guy strolls in. In my never humble opinion, he’s a vision. Just moved here from Seattle and is looking for a roommate. I wish I needed a flatmate. Sometimes I wish I needed a flat. Or a mate. Not today though. Lots of stuck up people here, but a healthy portion of friendly folks as well. How do you sneak a photo of such a lovely man? You don’t – it’s simply a photo of words to be preserved in a journal, retrieved again in the future when the passage read conjures up the desired image in one’s mind again.

13 NOVEMBER – LAKE FOREST, CA

Where Starbuck’s falls short, Tully’s has ably picked up the torch. I actually like the taste of the Tully’s latte better. Al and I went to see a film today, K-PAX. Can I just say that Kevin Spacey is, no pun intended, out of this world?! I know nothing personal about the man, but I so respect and enjoy his professional talents. I don’t recall having ever seen a bad Kevin Spacey film. He always portrays a character that you’re interested in, that you invest in. He inspires you to care about them and that’s a rare thing. Saw another film yesterday, ‘Shallow Hal’, with Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow as the skinniest obese person I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t exactly what I’d expected, but the writing was excellent and I really enjoyed it! The message was great and so necessary in this superficially driven society of ours. I’d like to think that I look at people without prioritizing them by appearance. Not to say that I don’t notice good looks because I certainly do, but I don’t think that ‘good’ and ‘good looking’ are synonymous. And attractiveness is a quality that everyone has, depending on one’s audience and self-perception.

16 NOVEMBER – LAKE FOREST, CA

Happy Friday! It’s Friday, a little after six, dark as midnight, and I’m at Tully’s nestled in a soft lounge chair in the corner of two windowed walls. I just finished writing two complete event reports and now am writing here. It’s so much easier when I write for myself! I can’t believe that I can still churn out an original quality report after over a year of writing them. To be able to create a new way of saying essentially the same thing every day for fifteen months must be some sort of gift or delusion. Your call… Mmmm, warm spiced apple cider. I relish in the effect that autumn has on all the senses. It is without a doubt my favorite time of the year! This infatuation no doubt stems from my origins in Michigan and the indescribably pristine autumns we are renowned for year after year. To be spoiled by so much beauty all my life renders it a challenge to appreciate autumn anywhere else

My dad has his hip replacement surgery on Tuesday. The surgery went great; he was recovering quite well, but is having a hard time of it today. He’s developed a fever that he can’t seem to shake and the doctors can’t explain. I’m trying not to be too worried but I want him to be well. Norbert and I haven’t always seen eye to eye on things, who does, but I love him so much. He’s such a good person, a man who has supported me and been my dad since I was seven years old. He was in the stands at every volleyball match, every basketball game, every key moment large and small. We are so different, yet fundamentally there are so many similarities that are ironically perhaps the root of our conflicts. Funny, after all the differences we’ve endured over the years, we get along now better than ever! I really admire my dad. He’s a good guy who’s always done his best and has been a good example for his kids. Please keep Norbert in your thoughts in this fragile time of healing and recovery.