ishouldtellyou

                                                          I Should Tell You

           He stared at his coffee cup, wondering the best way to say the words. He paused to gaze at Mallory, who was humming a quiet tune as she scrambled the eggs. Her voice had a lovely tone, one that gave him chills. Everything about her gave him chills. He didn’t want to tell her. She’d get mad, and he’d get defensive, and they’d fight. He didn’t want that. He wanted more chills. He wanted to feel her lips press against his as they frantically attempted to undress each other. He wanted to kneel down and slide a shimmering diamond onto her hand. He wanted to gaze into her eyes and recite two simple words that would unite them in the eyes of God for all eternity. He shook his head as he realized that if they didn’t have this fight, they wouldn’t have a future. And he wanted that more than anything.
           She continued to hum as she served breakfast, subconsciously shaking her hips with the tune. It drove him crazy, and once again he contemplated not telling her. She sat down next to him, and her eyes narrowed immediately.
          “Sam, what aren’t you telling me?” He wished his face wasn’t so readable.
          “Mallory, I can’t believe that you would think...”
           “I can’t believe you’re hiding something from me. So we’re even. Now tell me. We’re in this together, remember?” She held up the silver ring which they had recently decided symbolized their commitment. He couldn’t hide it now.
          “I’m meeting Laurie for lunch today.”
          The surprise showed on her face. “The call girl?”
          “She graduated from law school, and I want to celebrate.”
          “Tell me again how you celebrate with a call girl.”
          “Don’t do this, Mal,” he begged. Her Irish temper was flaring to a new height. He couldn’t back down from this. He couldn’t desert a friend. He had to make her see reason.
         “Do what! I honestly don’t care if you see her, because I trust you with all my heart and my soul. But the world, particularly the press, is not that forgiving. The minute they see you with a call girl, you’ll be tabloid fodder.   The press will hound you, and then they’ll discover me. And then it’ll escalate. You can’t see her.”
         “No one knows she’s a call girl, Mallory. It’ll be just me and a friend dining. Nothing will happen. I promise you.” He held out his hand, begging she’d take it. His wish was granted as her slender fingers wrapped around his.
         “Promise?”
         “I promise.” He leaned over and kissed the top of her forehead. She looked back at him, and he melted as a smile lit her delicate features.
         “I love you, Skipper.”
         “I love you, too.” He sighed inwardly as they had conquered yet another hurdle. A sinking feeling invaded his stomach despite this. It puzzled him. Just then, she squeezed his hand.
         “You have to get to work. You’ll be late.” His eyes wandered to the clock as he realized the truth of her statement. He began to rush around their house, and tripped over her slippers on his way out the door. Her golden laughter echoed in his head as he jogged out to the jeep and prepared his descent to work. The only damper on his mood was the sinking feeling that remained in his stomach. Things were fine with him and Mallory, there wasn’t anything that should cause problems at work, and he’d get to congratulate Laurie. He told himself everything would be fine. There was nothing that could spoil this day.
                                                        The Next Evening
          He pulled the Jeep to the curb. He sat there staring at his hands, wondering what to say to her. He should have told her when he heard a camera click, should have told her that he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t think it was anything. He couldn’t let himself think it was anything. He couldn’t tell Mal he had broken a promise, couldn’t tell himself he had broken a promise. The lights were on in the house. He knew she was there, and he knew that she knew.   He couldn’t hide any longer. He had to deal with this. He willed himself to exit the vehicle and enter his home.
         She was waiting for him. She had pulled a chair over next to the door. She didn’t look up as he entered, just handed him a piece of paper. The picture.
          “They hung it in the teacher’s lounge, because they thought I’d find it funny that the golden boy of my father’s staff was caught with a prostitute. They told me how smart I was for realizing how awful you were after the opera. All day, they made jokes about Sam Seaborn and his special friend.   And I stood there, pretending that I thought they were funny, and trying to ignore how my heart was breaking in two.”
         “Mal, I’m...”
         “You promised,” she stated bitterly. “You promised, and I trusted you.”
         “But...” He wanted to say so many things to her, if only she’d look at him. Her eyes stared at the silver ring upon her finger, never once acknowledging his presence.
         “I need a couple days, to sort things out. To sort us out. I packed you a suitcase. I don’t care where you go.”
         “Mallory, don’t do this. You’re not thinking clearly.”
         “I’m not thinking clearly? No, Sam. You see, I wasn’t thinking clearly when I believed that just because you made me a promise that everything would be fine. I’m thinking perfectly clearly now. Go.” Silently, she held out the ring.
         “Please....” his voice choked up. She walked up to him, placed the ring in his hand and closed his fingers around it. She looked into his eyes, and he could see that she had yet to cry.
          “Go.” Her words were spoken softly, but were final. Without a word, he picked up the suitcase that she had packed and walked out the door.

                                 Only then did she allow herself to break down in tears.

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