To my Cowardice one:
It's not supposed to hurt like this. I am not supposed to care. You are not suppose to get this close to me. Your rejection isn't supposed to affect me. I'm not supposed to care.
You are not the one who is supposed to fill my mind, you little child why should I care?
Your smell, your touch, I shouldn't have you haunting my mind. You shouldn't have been able to get inside me.
I saw it coming. I felt it, the little strings of my heart started to become alive again. I should have known better. I should have used my instincts. I should've saw it in your eyes.
You said yes, you then said no. I resorted back to my youth and asked myself what's wrong with me. I tired so hard. I reminded myself to think positive, act nice; be agreeable. Kindness to win him over. The mind won't stop you are all I can think about.
I can't remember the last time I tried to have someone want me. Consciously listen for signs to learn more about you, read up on your interest, try to impress you. Desired your touch, your warmth, your contact.
I should have known, this is not supposed to happen. I am nothing to you and I should have known that all along.
You didn't want, or shouldn't I say it?
I am what I am, hopefully I'll learn to see that I am not something everyone will run from.
RDZ 07/2005
