You weave in and out; crush, trample and wonder why your garden has died.
I’ve seen, watched you destroy all that is good and then complain you have nothing.
I’m tired of all you’ve done and all you can’t bother to do.
Go hide under the sphinx, bury yourself in the sand.
There is no water, there is so little hope for you.
What is yours, you’ve torn apart and why?
Set in foolishness and fear of your own heart.
Do you ever think of what you are doing and what has already been done?
Sister.
I've said too much. I let myself be exposed and now you know.
You know what makes me cry and you know what will always tear me apart inside.
I’ve lived in your shadow because I’ve always known when to keep my place.
I’ve always known to watch my step around you, understanding you are not someone I’ve wanted to let to close to me.
It’s not that I’m intimidated or afraid of you, I’m not. It is more that I’ve always been sitting right beside you and you’ve never cared. I sat in my arrogant comfort at your side and you’ve never heard a word I’ve spoke.
I gained to much comfort thinking I was simply a meaningless inconvenience you’ve learn to put up with. How wrong I’ve learned I was. You turned your head away from me but still found your way to learn of all I’ve said.
Now I’ve said you much and I fear you’ve learned things to deep. I suppose I should have nothing to fear, but it’s an awkward feeling. You know too much and I’ll never learn anything about you. Then again I was like that once too.
To my Cowardice one:
It's not supposed to hurt like this. I am not supposed to care. You are not suppose to get this close to me. Your rejection isn't supposed to affect me. I'm not supposed to care.
You are not the one who is supposed to fill my mind, you little child why should I care?
Your smell, your touch, I shouldn't have you haunting my mind. You shouldn't have been able to get inside me.
I saw it coming. I felt it, the little strings of my heart started to become alive again. I should have known better. I should have used my instincts. I should've saw it in your eyes.
You said yes, you then said no. I resorted back to my youth and asked myself what's wrong with me. I tired so hard. I reminded myself to think positive, act nice; be agreeable. Kindness to win him over. The mind won't stop you are all I can think about.
I can't remember the last time I tried to have someone want me. Consciously listen for signs to learn more about you, read up on your interest, try to impress you. Desired your touch, your warmth, your contact.
I should have known, this is not supposed to happen. I am nothing to you and I should have known that all along.
You didn't want, or shouldn't I say it?
I am what I am, hopefully I'll learn to see that I am not something everyone will run from.
RDZ 07/2005
Pharaoh
Is it a bad thing I asked you? You told me no, led me to believe it was ok. You would care and it would be ok; we had something. You wanted me and wanted this to be a grand future. You want to be someone, you want to grow to be respected and honored.
You lied you are just the same as you have always been.
I'm falling I said. You assured me it would be ok and then ran in cowardice reaction. Avoided me, hurt me and pretended it is nothing. Brushed me off like your heart couldn’t be touched.
I am not like the other chambered maids. I will not wait for you to remember my kiss and pray to the sun and moon that I may once again find your favor.
Bravely carry yourself, for weak is how you walk. Wounded is what your face betrays. Still I saw past it and thought I was of value to you. I could only add to your sanctuary.
Hurt is all I feel, how could you turn away from something with so much promise?
Carefully I tread, knowing I have idiot delicately sewn in even my finest garments and no matter how gracefully I carry myself, the coterie knows. You still walk wounded and I can only walk foolishly. . .