Pairing: Clex

Rating: R

Summary/CLFF challenge- Possession/Mind Control. Clark discovers a new power and learns one of Lex’s secrets. What he does from there is only a question of his humanity.

“I’m telling you, Dad, I don’t know what happened! I was just sitting there in class, and suddenly, BAM, I was staring at myself from the front of the classroom. And I had breasts. And a teaching credential. There. Now I’ve told it to you at least five times; can I go to Lex’s now?”

Normally Clark wouldn’t be this irritated about one of his new powers. This one wasn’t even one of the more embarrassing ones, like his horny heat vision special. Though in some ways, this one was even creepier. But today, he was pissed because he knew that his dad was just using this as a diversionary tactic to keep him from going over to Lex’s. And Clark really wanted to go over and see Lex.

Jonathan gave up when it became apparent that his son saw through him. If he kept it up much longer, he and Clark would be in for a long fight, and he just didn’t have the energy to get into the Lex issue tonight. So he let Clark go, begrudgingly.

“Just be home before ten, alright? And if anything weird happens, you come home right away, alright?”

Clark nodded eagerly, and took off like a shot. “And use the truck!!” Jonathan called after his wayward son. He knew how often Clark just ran over to Lex’s, and he shuddered to imagine the paper-thin excuses his son came up with to cover his lack of transportation. It was appalling how careless Clark could be with his secret sometimes.

Jonathan shook his head and headed into the living room to watch TV with his wife.

***

Clark was already a quarter of the way there when he heard his father and had to turn around to get the truck. He really wished that he could explain to his dad that he almost wished Lex would find out, but seeing as Jonathan wasn’t in the best health at the moment, he decided to wait until he was sure the idea wouldn’t pop an artery.

He gunned the truck’s engine and started up the highway. He had gotten so used to traveling on foot that the truck was unbearably slow. But, it did give him time to think, truly think, about what had happened today.

So far, the possession was the only ability that really, truly terrified him. Possession was like something from The Body Snatchers, or Invaders from Mars. Not something that he had. He remembered seeing those movies when he was young. Not with his parents, because they had never allowed him to see scary alien movies (which he had only recently begun to understand), but secretly with his friends. When he was little, movies like that had scared the crap out of him. The idea of something slimy and inhuman crawling inside your brain and controlling you from the inside out was something that haunted his nightmares for a long time.

And now he was the slimy inhuman thing. He would have thought that being on the other side of the equation wouldn’t be as scary, but he was wrong. This was scary in a different way. This was scary in an oh-my-god-what-am-I kind of way.

Just thinking about the way he’d slipped from his body into his teacher’s gave him the willies. He hadn’t even done it on purpose. He’d just been spacing out in class, like usual, and then he’d sort of slipped out. He only really realized what was going on when he absent-mindedly adjusted his bra, and then realized that he didn’t wear bras.

He’d never really thought of himself as an alien before now, but this...This was over the top. He felt weird in his own skin, like he wasn’t aligned right. He began to hate the way he looked almost human. Really, though, he was just a parasite, living off human society and hiding among them, blending in and taking what wasn’t really his, using up oxygen and money and space that should have belonged to some other kid. What poor orphan kid might Jonathan and Martha have ended up with, instead of him? There was probably a child out there that had been cheated out of a good home by the alien that crash landed on this earth with no purpose.

Simply put, he didn’t belong.

He put that out of his mind as he stepped into the Luthor driveway. Lex would make him feel better. When he looked at Lex, he felt as though he could see some place where he did make a difference. Sometimes, in his least modest frame of mind, he wondered what Lex would be like without him. If he’d even still be alive. But then again, every time Lex’s life was threatened, it was because of the meteors that Clark had brought down with him. Things would have been so different if he had never come...

“Clark, come on in.” Lex’s voice blared through the intercom system. Only Clark’s keen ears could detect the scratching of a pen over the slight amount of static in the receiver. He still marveled at the amazing amount of money Lex squandered on things like technology. If he had that much cash, he would...Well, he’d probably squander it on technology.

“Let me guess, you’re up in your study?”

There was the dim sound of a pen hitting the desk. “However did you guess? Actually, I’ll meet you in the kitchen. Give me five minutes.”

Clark let himself in with his card key and headed toward the kitchen. While waiting for Lex, he picked up an apple from a bowl, and began to munch.

Without warning, he found himself plunged into the body of a forty-one year old live-in maid. He hummed to himself as he picked up a sheet, folded it neatly and set it down on the pile with the others. He jerked. What the hell? He touched his face; the skin was softer and saggier and conformed into the features of a woman. He tried to take a step, and promptly fell over. As he lay on the floor, too terrified of himself to get up, he could feel a vague pressure in the back of his head. It was her! The maid--Lisa, her name was, was still in there with him! He rolled his head around in an attempt to materialize the things he felt in his head.

I’m sorry! He tried to vocalize. I didn’t do it on purpose; I’m trying to get out! This seemed to anger her. A second later, there was a roaring pressure in his head, and he was back in his own body. She had pushed him out!

The apple had fallen to the floor, and so had he. Lex was standing over him. “Interesting spot for a nap. Did the five minute wait put you to sleep?”

Lex held out his hand, and Clark took it. Lex grunted in surprise and effort as he pulled Clark to his feet. He was heavier than he had thought.

“So how’s life down on the farm? Milk any cows recently?”

Clark snorted. “No, of course not. Man, that is so stereotypical...” Lex gave him a disbelieving stare. “Milking the cows is my mom’s job. I plow the field and collect the chicken eggs. You come visit me one of these times, and you might even catch me in my overalls, chewing on a piece of straw.”

Lex made them both sandwiches, and they headed for the living room. “I still don’t understand how you could have lived in Smallville for two years and still have this prejudice against farmers.”

“I don’t have a prejudice against farmers. Witness my friendship with you. And besides, the stereotypes aren’t entirely unjustified. You do wear plaid an embarrassingly large amount of the time.”

“I like plaid,” Clark said defensively. “And at least I don’t wear purple all the time. People are starting to get the wrong idea, you know. You might as well wear a sign saying: ‘I’m gay’.”

Lex went quiet. “What makes you think they have the wrong idea?” he said, quite seriously.

Now it was Clark’s turn to be quiet. He mentally recoiled. He had just been teasing--he hadn’t meant for Lex to take it seriously. And...was Lex saying he was gay? Clark didn’t know how he felt about that. The guys always teased about it at school, but he’d never really thought about it. But now...

“Well, I guess that’s cool,” he said, practically stammering out the words that seemed the most appropriate. He could tell by the look on Lex’s face that it wasn’t the reaction he had been hoping for, but Clark could only hope that he hadn’t just fucked things up.

They chatted about small things for the rest of the afternoon. They shot some pool and watched a movie, and then Clark had to be home for dinner. But never again did they broach the gay subject. Clark skittered around it like a nervous horse, and Lex seemed perfectly content to let him.

On his way home, Clark wondered if he was making too huge a deal out of this. Maybe Lex had been joking.

Except he hadn’t acted like he was joking. What was Clark to do? People already made enough jokes about him being so close with Lex; what if it got out that Lex actually was gay? What kind of abuse would Clark have to deal with then?

And worse--what kind of abuse would Lex have to deal with? They both made plenty of jokes about it, but Clark wondered if Lex really knew how different a small town and a big city were. There, he might have just been teased or treated rudely for his orientation. But here...he would be crucified. The town disliked him enough already. This would only add fuel to the fire.

As he pulled into his driveway, Clark made his decision. No matter how badly it would hurt his own reputation, and no matter how he felt about Lex’s secret, he would stand by his friend. Lex needed him, and he would not let him down.

***

The next day at school, Clark felt more paranoid than he ever had before. He’d always had his own secret to deal with, but that was different. He was used to that, and there was a comfort in knowing that if he ever slipped up, the only one who would be hurt was him. This was different. Lex was counting on him, and he wouldn’t betray his secret.

Another thing was that he was extra sensitive to the word ‘fag’. It had rolled off his back like water before; it was just what guys teased each other about. But now it meant something. He felt defensive for Lex, and a bit for himself. No matter what the truth was, people liked to call him a faggot because he hung out so much with the same guy. What if they were right? What if Lex was in love with him?

That night, Clark sat in the loft and stared out at the stars, deeply troubled. The idea of Lex being attracted to him was very confusing, mainly because he had no idea what Lex might see in him. He’d never really had a girlfriend, and he’d never thought of himself as very attractive. He didn’t think he was biased; it was simply a fact. He went off of what he saw in other people’s faces when they looked at him. He wasn’t ugly, but he surely wasn’t good-looking. Especially not to a worldly, beautiful person like Lex, who could have anyone he wanted.

He was probably reading too much into it, anyways. Lex felt grateful to him for saving his life all those times. They had fun together, and Lex enjoyed hanging out with him. That was all. Clark supposed he should feel honored that Lex even considered him a friend, and trusted him enough to tell him that he was gay.

He thought about asking Lex if he was in love with him, or even attracted to him, then winced. No. Not a good idea.

He leaned back into the straw, and suddenly an idea came to him. It wasn’t a very ethical idea, but it was the best one he had. He could use his new power to find out how Lex felt about him. The idea made him all tingly inside with excitement, and also, strangely aroused. He was a bit worried about actually directing this new power of his, because he’d never done it before, but he figured that it couldn’t be that hard. He just had to remember how he had felt when he was doing it, and then try to duplicate the sensation with Lex as the focus.

He grew more excited as he began to plan it out. He didn’t want to catch Lex when he was driving or anything, because that would be far too dangerous. He figured that the best time to do it was when Lex was alone, or when they were together.

No. He remembered the slimy feeling he got when he’d been forced out of the teacher’s body, and out of the maid’s. The way he felt around in their heads mindlessly, fondling their most hidden secrets with abandon and carelessness. He would not betray Lex that way. He had been taught better. Though he was born an alien, he had been raised human, and he would not betray those ideals.

With a start, he remembered that Lex was picking him up from school tomorrow, and that they were heading to Metropolis for the grand opening of a movie. Lex had been given complimentary tickets because he was friends with the director’s daughter.

Clark was only able to relax once he was sitting beside Lex in one of his expensive cars, wind blowing through his hair and engine humming beneath them, far away from any other influences. Clark felt his mind wind down from the frantic thinking it had been doing for the past few days, and he just let it go. For a while, he was able to forget all that was bothering him, as if the wind had just brushed it all off.

Of course, when they rolled to a halt in front of the movie theater, the feeling of freedom and carelessness halted as if it had never been. Clark became nervous again, hyper-aware of what people were thinking as they saw them together.

They made it into the theater without incident. Lex bought them popcorn and soda. At this point in their friendship, Clark had gotten over feeling guilty for making Lex buy everything, and just enjoyed the benefits that came with being Lex’s friend.

Just as the movie was starting, Clark noticed something. He and Lex were sharing the same armrest. Their arms were touching through their jackets and their hands were mere centimeters away. Holding hands would be only a slight effort on either of their parts. And just like that, it happened. Lex’s hand slid over slightly to the left, and rested lightly atop Clark’s.

Out of the corner of his eye, Clark saw Lex focused intently on the screen. With his other hand, he was eating popcorn, as if nothing had changed.

Clark inhaled shakily, and then turned his hand palm up. Now their palms were resting together. It took only a few seconds for Lex to lace their fingers together.

Clark let out a sharp sigh. Lex looked over at him and smiled warmly. Then, without saying anything, he turned and looked back at the screen.

Lex’s palm was warm and sweaty. Clark could barely believe that he was doing this. He wasn’t gay, after all. That was Lex. But then, what was this? Two merely platonic male friends holding hands at the movies? Not likely.

After examining the evidence, Clark decided that, logically, he should pull his hand away. But he didn’t. He stared fiercely at their entwined hands in the dark, but he couldn’t will himself to pull away. In fact, he noticed that his thumb was tracing circles on the back of Lex’s hand. Of its own accord, of course.

Clark’s head felt all fuzzy. This was like a dream. If he was in his right mind, surely he wouldn’t be doing this?

But there was no denying that he liked it. It was better than kissing Lana had been. More exciting than holding hands with Chloe. This was almost like a new breed of courtship, far outside the realm of anything he’d experienced before. It was incredible. He felt the prickly sensation of Lex’s skin against him, the texture of another human fingerprint, and it was amazing.

They watched the movie in silence, and then left without saying anything. Just small talk. But Clark made sure their hands brushed at every possible moment. He was new at the whole ‘gay’ thing, but he wasn’t new to the dating scene. He knew what that was all about, at least.

They took the car and went to dinner. After that, it was late, and they retired to their hotel. Clark steadfastly avoided Lex’s eyes as much as he could, feeling more and more embarrassed about his display earlier in the evening. It was more than likely that he’d taken advantage of Lex, or mistaken a friendly gesture for something more. The more he thought about it, the more embarrassed he became.

By the time they actually got up to the room, he could bear it no longer. “Look, Lex, I’m sorry about today at the movie theater. I didn’t mean anything by it, and if you don’t want to be my friend anymore...” Admittedly, he added the last part as a way of fishing for affirmation of his status as friend. Even he knew that it was unlikely for Lex to ditch him just because of that.

“Oh,” Lex said. His face was thoughtful, and his eyes downcast. “I see. It’s really a shame, too, because I had hoped...Well, never mind. Are you tired, or would you like to stay up?”

Clark smiled uneasily. It seemed that they had reached an understanding, or at least an agreement, about what had happened. Clark schooled his thoughts into acceptable and comfortable territory, and followed Lex out onto the patio.

The stars were bright and the lights from the skyscrapers reflected off of them like shimmering crystals. The air was cold and it enervated Clark and helped him to focus his mind. “Lex,” he said softly. “It’s beautiful.”

Lex’s face gave away that he wanted to say something, but his mouth stayed shut. Clark’s curiosity was aroused, but he didn’t know what to say. Instead he walked to the edge of the patio and leaned against the railing.

The wind lifted and he wondered if it would carry him if he fell. Would he die if he launched himself from this balcony, or would his body just be spun up and away by the wind? Of course it was all mindless speculation; Clark would never do anything that irresponsible and reckless.

He started when he felt a hand on the small of his back. “Would you...would you come away from there, Clark? Having you so close to the edge makes me nervous...” Obligingly, Clark stepped away from the railing. “It’s not you, it’s me. I just have this terrible fear of heights...” Lex was babbling. How odd.

“It’s okay; I don’t mind. I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable for something as stupid as that.” Clark chewed his lip thoughtfully. “You know, before, when I said I thought the view was beautiful, you looked like you wanted to say something. What was it?”

“Oh, nothing...”

Lex’s unskilled evasion and reticence was very strange; Clark’s curiosity became rabid ad he started to worry that he’d done something to offend Lex. Because, if he had, he knew from experience that if he didn’t ask now, it would only be brought up weeks or months from now, and used against him in an argument.

Of course, that’s when his new power decided to show him what he couldn’t find out through any other means. There was a jolt throughout his body, like he was being pushed out, and then he was inside Lex.

It took him a second to get accustomed to his new surroundings. He was more slender. His arms were longer, his fingers more delicate. He could feel a breeze on his bald head. Lex’s eyes weren’t as good as his own; the view was still beautiful, but somehow muffled now.

He felt slightly sick, but instead of withdrawing, he concentrated, and shifted his consciousness deeper into the fiber of Lex. He felt a stray thought pass him by, and forced himself to grab a hold of it. It burst inside him like a bubble, bringing with it the strong urge to reach out and kiss...himself? Not himself, as in Lex, but Clark, his real body. He felt a bittersweet longing and sorrow at being forced to stay an arm’s length away, and a certainty that Clark would be hurt by his actions. Beneath that ran a vein of self-loathing that Clark, as an unbiased observer, could trace all the way back to the first time his father ever hit him. Even below that, there was the unchallenged feeling that Lex was not good enough for Clark. That Clark could not be interested, and that if Lex ever expressed any feelings of love, Clark would turn away.

It took Clark a moment to disentangle himself from the threads of Lex. He had never gone this deep before. The other two times he’d done it, it had been purely accidental, and he’d tried to escape as quickly as possible.

As he was recollecting himself from his foray into Lex’s mind, it occurred to him to look at himself through Lex’s eyes, to see what Lex saw.

When he did, he saw himself. Sense memory told him what it expected to see; a plain old ignorant hick wearing flannel, with dark brown hair that liked to stick up in different directions, oddly shaped lips, and cheekbones that were way too high to be male. He felt that he looked like a hodgepodge of male and female parts. His face, anyway. While his body was undeniably male, he was bigger than all of his other friends, and it made him feel fat. He knew that he wasn’t, that he was stronger than all of them, but everyone at school saw how big he was and how weak he appeared to be, and he knew that they thought he was fat. And ugly.

But Lex saw him, and his breath caught in his throat. It seemed like Clark’s whole world narrowed to himself. Lex saw him the same way, only different. It was like Lex’s eyes brushed flagrantly over his many flaws and blended them effortlessly into a beautiful, handsome, well-muscled man that pulled strings in his heart whenever their eyes met.

He was beautiful. Very, very beautiful. Lex thought he was desirable. Lex thought he was sexy... He gasped a short, breathless gasp, almost like a hiccup, and he was back inside himself.

He looked at his big hands in amazement. He touched his face, tracing the familiar lines of bone structure. He was beautiful. He looked at Lex with newfound awe. Something inside Lex caused him to respond to Clark, to love him without question, to see him as beautiful. Clark couldn’t understand it, but then, he didn’t understand a lot of things.

“Clark...Why are you staring at me? What just happened?”

Clark reached out and took Lex’s hands in his own, an impulse based on a sudden feeling of tenderness towards his best friend. But then he thought about how he had just violated Lex, and he pulled back.

“Nothing. It was just...it was nothing.”

Lex deflated visibly. “Alright. Fine. You never tell me anything anyway, I don’t know why I expected this to be any different. I’m going to bed now, Clark. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Lex got up to leave, and Clark felt a lump rise in his throat. Why was it harder now? He’d lied to Lex before...Why was it so much harder now? Not that it had ever been easy...

It’s harder because now you know how much it hurts him.

“Lex, wait. I-” The words stuck in his throat. His dad would be furious...

But his dad didn’t know. His dad didn’t know how much Lex loved him--or how much he loved Lex. “I want to tell you something. Sit down.”

Obediently, Lex sat down. “What is it, Clark? What did you just do?”

Clark took a deep breath. Time to exorcise the ghosts. “Well, I guess I should start at the beginning...”