Pairing: CLex, of course.

Summary: There are a lot of things that Lex doesn’t remember...

A/N: For wave 8 of the Clex Fest. Challenge was “Were we having a good time?” The quote was only slightly changed; I hope it’s still acceptable.

A/N 2: Spoilers for the entire ‘Lex is crazy’ story arc.

There was a pregnant pause in the conversation, and Clark knew that he’d accidentally ventured into That Territory again. Seven weeks was a long time, and Clark was finding it hard not to mention the things that had happened in those weeks. Especially when some of it had been so life-changing.

Clark felt a pain in his chest every time he made this particular faux pas, and Lex looked at him blankly for a moment, before recognition and nausea showed in his eyes. It was getting to where it was hard for them to even talk together, because Lex would always bring up something about wanting his memory back, or Clark would accidentally make reference to something they’d talked about in those seven weeks.

Clark cleared his throat. “I, um, I should go. I’ve got chores...” Lex waved his hand at Clark dismissively.

“No, stay. I can get the cook to make you something for lunch, if you’d like. Or we could play a game of pool. I’m sure your parents won’t mind if you’re a little late coming home.” Clark could tell that Lex wanted him to stay. Lex would never ask, or say please, or admit it, but Clark knew all the same. It was just something that Lex did, and something in Clark responded to it and understood it, and so they clicked and Clark stayed.

“Not to bring up a painful topic--again--but I was wondering about something. Ever since... ever since the electroshock therapy, I’ve had this feeling about you whenever you’re around. Did something...you know, did something happen with us while I was in the hospital? I keep getting this feeling like there‘s something I have to tell you, even though there‘s nothing there in my head, and I just don’t understand why. Maybe you could shed some light on it for me?”

Clark swallowed hard. These were exactly the kind of questions he didn’t know how to answer. He’d never been in this situation, and no one else could explain to him how to act. How was he supposed to tell Lex that they’d kissed? That Lex had almost died? That Clark had tried to save him and nearly been killed instead? That Lex finally found out his all-important secret?

Something like tears was building up behind his eyes, but he didn’t let them fall. It was silly to cry for such stupid things. Lex didn’t even remember them, so why did they matter? All of it was relegated to Clark’s head only, and they were lonely, lonely thoughts. Maybe it would be okay to let them out, just for a little while? To finally talk about them to somebody?

But not Lex. It couldn’t be Lex, because Lex wasn’t allowed to find out about those seven weeks. They were somehow taboo. No one said it, but everyone knew it. Some kind of human barrier prevented Clark from telling Lex about those weeks. Lex had to find out for himself.

“Something did happen, but it wasn’t that important.” Great, Clark. Way to answer the question without sounding like a moron. Clark hated this wall between them. He remembered the way Lex’s lips tasted, still wet with the salt from his own tears and sweat. The way Lex clung to him with white-knuckled hands and cried for him not to leave. Clark had never seen Lex cry before that. It was almost a religious experience, to see Lex completely torn down and crawling around on his hands and knees in the dark...

Metaphorically, of course. It never really got dark at Belle Reve...they had those stupid blue lights that were always there, making everything seem surreal and making you question your own sanity.

Lex was looking at him for a further answer. Clark didn’t have one that he could freely give. His tongue was tied and his hands felt suddenly very large and obvious. He stuck them in his pockets and stared down at his feet. His shoes looked old and ratty against Lex’s nice, expensive carpet.

Let’s play pool, Clark wanted to say. Let’s kiss and then I’ll let you break. I know it doesn’t matter; you’ll beat me anyways, but I’ll let you go first and pretend to play a good game. And then we can talk about everything that happened these past weeks, and you’ll make a joke and I’ll laugh, and then we’ll fall asleep together watching stupid movies on your entertainment center.

The thing that felt like tears was back again. Clark looked out through one of the stained glass windows and out onto the landscaped driveway. Everything was tinted red. Clark wondered how Lex got any work done in here, with the light playing off of everything in new and fascinating ways, making it look like Alice’s wonderland.

“And...um, we kind of kissed.” Treacherous mouth. Traitorous tongue. Clark wanted to take back the words, but they just sort of...hung there in the air, waiting for Lex to acknowledge them.

“Oh.” Lex didn’t say anything else, just looked at the carpet where a blue fraction of the glass made it purple. Clark had a lump in his throat that felt like it might choke him, and he really, really wanted to leave. But it was rude and wrong to just walk out on him now. His parents had taught him to have good manners, and not to be impolite, and that friends came first. The first two pieces of advice felt like they were worthless to him now, but the third one rang almost true.

Clark licked his lips. They suddenly felt very sensitive and ugly. He wanted to turn away, so that Lex couldn’t see him. “Lex? I’m sorry...”

He didn’t know why he said that. It just seemed that with a silence that long, there had to be something to apologize for. And it had to have been Clark’s fault, because it usually was, these days.

“Is your hair as soft as it looks?” Clark flinched. That wasn’t a question he had been prepared to deal with. He felt completely lost in the thread of the conversation, like he had skipped out somewhere and now looked like he hadn’t been paying attention. Lex was looking at him like it was a perfectly reasonable question.

But before Clark could untangle his thoughts enough to answer him in something resembling words, Lex kissed him.

“Was it like that, Clark? Or...was I more aggressive? Did you do it, or did I? Why? And why can‘t I remember?”

“I did. And it was...it was because...you were kind of scared and I didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry.” Lex’s tongue tasted sweet, like sugar and alcohol. Last time, it hadn’t been so startling. And it had been a little more desperate.

They didn’t say anything for a few moments. Clark watched the way the light kissed the tips of Lex’s eyelashes, which really were red. They reminded Clark of butterfly kisses. “We...you were hiding out in my barn because your dad wanted to institutionalize you, and you thought Julian was alive, and I didn’t know what else to do. I held you and I told you I would protect you. Everything was going wrong and everyone thought you were crazy and I didn’t want to let him find you, but no one would help me and--and my parents...” It turned out those things that felt like tears really were tears. Clark found that out as they were streaming down his face.

Lex reached out to take Clark’s hand. “Were we at least having a good time?” he asked, and a peaceful smile came to Lex for the first time in seven weeks.