A TRIBUTE BY RAYMOND, VAL, ALAN, RON, DIANNE, AND ANNETTE
Prepared and read by Raymond at the memorial service for our Mum, on 18/6/1986
The past few months have been a difficult time for all those close to Mum, as we have gone through the process of realizing and accepting that her life was drawing to a close. But at least we have had some time to come to terms with what was happening. Most importantly, mum has had time to prepare herself. While there still seemed to be hope she fought hard, patiently and positively; when the time came to face the fact that she would soon be leaving her loved ones behind, she accepted it with dignity and courage. These last months of Mum's life were an inspiration to all of us, but we will see that the dignity, courage and patience she has shown have always been present.
Mum was born in Sydney in 1922. Her most vivid memories of her childhood were her enjoyment of ice-skating and being a violinist in a young people's orchestra. Her popularity and kindness were highlighted the year she finished school, when she was voted "the nicest girl in the school."
Mum has always been close to her parents and two brothers, and has loved visiting them several times over the years. Her mother, our Nana, is now 95, and is, I'm sure, thinking of Mum at this time.
Dad first met Mum during the Second World War, at the Dominions Servicemen's Club in Sydney, where she was doing voluntary work with servicemen and - women on leave. It seems to have been a whirlwind romance, for they were engaged two or three weeks later. We have all heard of the romantic setting in which Dad proposed to Mum - among the dustbins outside her parents' flat!
Dad remembers that she always had great sympathy for those in need of help. To lonely servicemen who were missing their own homes and mothers and families, she extended the hospitality of her parents' home. The only problem was that she collected so many of these strays that her father and mother eventually had to modify this open door policy, finding that they had become the hosts and providers for a multitude. When Dad arrived on the scene, he escorted her home on many evenings, having to say his goodnights on the back stairs among the dustbins. It was quite a time before he got his foot through the front door.
The engagement was long, as they were separated by the war, but they wrote to each other virtually every day for the next nineteen months. When the war ended they married immediately.
The wedding reception was lit by ships' lanterns because there was an electricity strike at the time. The wedding presents were few and simple because of severe rationing.
Mum went on giving. She began teaching a little 8-year-old Down's syndrome girl. Her early ambitions as a wife she recently gave as "to be a good cook and mother." These two things she certainly accomplished - and much more.
Those early post-war years were difficult times for a young couple starting married life together. Decent accommodation in Melbourne was practically non-existent, and Dad has some interesting stories about some of the places they ended up in.
Before long, however, they had bought the house in Ashburton, where they lived for over thirty years, and this is where we six spent most of our formative years, and the place with which we associate most of our memories of Mum. Thinking back to my own early childhood, Mum was the centre of everything that was important to me. She was always there, always available to share with us our discoveries about the world, to sort out our squabbles, to soothe our pain when the world turned against us. Her love and support were totally dependable. I remember her as warm, patient and beautiful in every sense of the word..
All through childhood and growing up, no matter what we did, Mum never judged us. She was, still, always there, and always ready to accept us and work things through with us.
As we grew older and studies became important to us, Mum became a student, again and again, along with each of us. Any time there was a test coming up at school, she would go over the work with us to make sure we were well prepared. I remember, foe example, spending hours with her learning lists of French and German words. And Alan will never forget those words - "Have you done your assignment?"
If any of us were to get out of bed early enough, Mum would be found preparing for the day - washing, ironing, cooking, sweeping - and singing as she worked. Most of the housework would be done before we were up.
And - every Sunday lunch, roast dinner with all the trimmings. Everyone sitting down together, talking about the weeks events.
Of course we thought of Mum mainly in her role as a mother, but we gradually became aware, also, of her role as a wife. When we looked at Mum and Dad we saw two people who loved each other deeply, and the stability and harmony of their relationship had, I think, a profound affect on all of us.
When the children grew older and started to leave home, Mum took the opportunity to experience other aspects of life. She went out to work, where she enjoyed meeting new friends, and she had more time to experience the joys of travelling. She and Dad had several trips to Wrest Point in Tasmania - a favourite place. Earlier, they took six months of long-service leave to travel around Australia and, last year, they spent a whole year travelling around the world. The last time I saw Mum in good health was in France last October. Mandy and I were fortunate enough to be able to meet her and Dad as we went the other way, a little more rapidly, around the world. Wandering the streets of Paris, watching the buskers perform, dining in little restaurants or at the home of friends - sharing these experiences with Mum and Dad was a highlight of our holiday. We now realize how wise Dad was to choose early retirement, and for them to undertake this wonderful trip when they did.
Long life has been the norm in Mum's family, and we all believed she was destined to enjoy many more happy and fulfilling years. Certainly, she deserved to have more time. But when we look at Mum's life as a whole - a life of self-sacrifice, of giving to others, as her own mother has always done - there is a sense of completeness. We know that hers was a good and worthwhile life. And we can rejoice in the knowledge that Mum has always known love, throughout her life - the love of her parents and her brothers, the love of Dad, and of his family, the love of her children and her sons- and daughters-in-law, of her many grandchildren and of all those who have had the privilege of knowing her.
I would like, at this point, to read some words written by Mum's eldest grandchild, Belinda, which I think sum up much of what I have tried to say about Mum:
The first time I visited Nana in hospital, she said you've got to live "one day at a time", and I will never forget that.
She's given me the determination to get the best and most out of life, and taught me not to be scared of what may lie ahead.
Mum is, and always will be, sadly missed; but her memory will stay with each of us, as a continuing inspiration through all of the joys, disappointments and changes which life inevitably brings.
