Woke up looking sick.
Her Mum said, "She's awfully pale."
But Dad said to Mum,
"Just give her some rum,
And a bottle of whisky or ale."
The doctor came round
And charged them a pound.
He took off his hat and his coat.
For her illness he sought,
But the doctor found nought
But two little holes in her throat.
He lit up a smoke
And proceeded to poke
At her ears and her nose and her eyes.
Then he said, "I don't know,
But I really must go.
Isn't it strange how time flies?"
Some days passed, and still
Judy looked very ill.
The doctor could not tell them why.
"This girl must have blood,"
He said, chewing his cud,
"Or else she is likely to die."
She had a transfusion
And in the confusion
The colour came back to her cheeks.
She remained in this way
Till a very sad day
Came around in a couple of weeks.
Mum found that her daughter
Looked weaker than water,
And seemed to be nearing death's door.
She went to tell Dad,
Who, in mood rather bad,
Cursed and blasphemed - even swore!
He drank down a beer
To diminish his fear,
While his daughter lay dying in bed.
Then he turned and he saw
That she'd started to snore
So he knew that she wasn't yet dead.
Mum woke up next morning
And when she'd stopped yawning
Went out and found Judy was worse.
Dad woke with a moan
And said, "Get on the phone,
And call up a doctor or nurse."
But Judy called out,
From her bed gave a shout,
And said, "It's too late for a nurse.
I feel far from fine
And it's just about time
To start ringing up for a hearse."
When Judy had died
Her parents both cried.
It had happened the way they had feared.
But they also took note
That the holes in her throat,
When she died, had straightway disappeared.
With plenty of care
Mother fixed up her hair
And Dad had a bath and a shave,
Which did not happen often,
Then they bore off her coffin
And covered her up in her grave.
Not long after that
People saw a large bat
That flapped at their windows at night.
Then a youngster was found
Half-dead on the ground.
He'd been kissed by a woman in white.
After more incidents
That just didn't make sense
Of a woman with lips like a fire,
Who sucked people's blood
And then fled through the mud,
They decided they'd struck a vampire.
Now, there was in the town
A man of renown,
Reputed to be very smart.
He said, "We must take
To the churchyard, a stake,
Very sharp, which we'll stick through her heart."
Then this man, very wise,
With a gleam in his eyes
Paused for a moment and said,
"After this deed is done
We'll have even more fun.
We must fill up, with garlic, her head."
After more days of talk
They all took a walk
To the graveyard where Judy was placed.
They opened the grave
And started to rave
When they saw the cruel look on her face.
So they plunged the sharp stick
Through poor Judy McGrick,
Who, in agony, gave her last shout.
With a sharp wooden stake
Her heart they did break,
And they watched the red blood oozing out.
Then the wise old man's wife
Took up her bread knife
And proceeded to cut off the head.
All the crowd turned away,
But one bright spark did say,
"I reckon she's just about dead!"
The old woman said, "Yecchh!"
As she sawed Judy's neck.
When she'd finished she said, "That was tough."
Then, without any doubt,
They hollowed it out
And with garlic proceeded to stuff.
Now, no more will there roam
From her underground home
The vampire, Judy McGrick,
And now it is time
To finish this rhyme
As the poet is feeling quite sick.