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Please Pass the Garlic | ||||||||||||||||||||
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Horror Stories | ||||||||||||||||||||
Silly Stories | ||||||||||||||||||||
Raymond's Stories | ||||||||||||||||||||
This vampire story, in limerick form, was written when I was sixteen, and published in Ashwood High School's Annual Magazine at the end of my Form Six year... | ||||||||||||||||||||
Judy McGrick Woke up looking sick. Her Mum said, "She's awfully pale." But Dad said to Mum, "Just give her some rum, And a bottle of whisky or ale." The doctor came round And charged them a pound. He took off his hat and his coat. For her illness he sought, But the doctor found nought But two little holes in her throat. He lit up a smoke And proceeded to poke At her ears and her nose and her eyes. Then he said, "I don't know, But I really must go. Isn't it strange how time flies?" Some days passed, and still Judy looked very ill. The doctor could not tell them why. "This girl must have blood," He said, chewing his cud, "Or else she is likely to die." She had a transfusion And in the confusion The colour came back to her cheeks. She remained in this way Till a very sad day Came around in a couple of weeks. Mum found that her daughter Looked weaker than water, And seemed to be nearing death's door. She went to tell Dad, Who, in mood rather bad, Cursed and blasphemed - even swore! He drank down a beer To diminish his fear, While his daughter lay dying in bed. Then he turned and he saw That she'd started to snore So he knew that she wasn't yet dead. Mum woke up next morning And when she'd stopped yawning Went out and found Judy was worse. Dad woke with a moan And said, "Get on the phone, And call up a doctor or nurse." But Judy called out, From her bed gave a shout, And said, "It's too late for a nurse. I feel far from fine And it's just about time To start ringing up for a hearse." When Judy had died Her parents both cried. It had happened the way they had feared. But they also took note That the holes in her throat, When she died, had straightway disappeared. With plenty of care Mother fixed up her hair And Dad had a bath and a shave, Which did not happen often, Then they bore off her coffin And covered her up in her grave. Not long after that People saw a large bat That flapped at their windows at night. Then a youngster was found Half-dead on the ground. He'd been kissed by a woman in white. After more incidents That just didn't make sense Of a woman with lips like a fire, Who sucked people's blood And then fled through the mud, They decided they'd struck a vampire. Now, there was in the town A man of renown, Reputed to be very smart. He said, "We must take To the churchyard, a stake, Very sharp, which we'll stick through her heart." Then this man, very wise, With a gleam in his eyes Paused for a moment and said, "After this deed is done We'll have even more fun. We must fill up, with garlic, her head." After more days of talk They all took a walk To the graveyard where Judy was placed. They opened the grave And started to rave When they saw the cruel look on her face. So they plunged the sharp stick Through poor Judy McGrick, Who, in agony, gave her last shout. With a sharp wooden stake Her heart they did break, And they watched the red blood oozing out. Then the wise old man's wife Took up her bread knife And proceeded to cut off the head. All the crowd turned away, But one bright spark did say, "I reckon she's just about dead!" The old woman said, "Yecchh!" As she sawed Judy's neck. When she'd finished she said, "That was tough." Then, without any doubt, They hollowed it out And with garlic proceeded to stuff. Now, no more will there roam From her underground home The vampire, Judy McGrick, And now it is time To finish this rhyme As the poet is feeling quite sick. |
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Horror Stories | ||||||||||||||||||||
Silly Stories | ||||||||||||||||||||
Raymond's Stories | ||||||||||||||||||||