Eleven Lousy Limericks

Silly Stories

Raymond's Stories

[These were written over a long period of time and collected in an illustrated folio. Most were written in my early teens, others during University years, as can be seen by the references to my Mathematics courses in the second one.]

There once was a man in a tangle Who had mashed up his hand in a mangle     When his friends asked him why     He just held his arm high And let his hand hang there and dangle.

There was a young man from Oasis Who couldn't do Linear Spaces,     Topology, Calculus,     Groups or Analysis, So he strangled himself with his braces.

There was a young man in a shed Who hammered a nail in his head.     When they said, "Does it hurt?"     He just ripped off his shirt To mop up the blood that he bled.

There once was a person whose sisters Made him read them a book of tongue-twisters     But it hurt his tongue so,     That it started to grow. It grew whickers, and twisted, and blisters.

There was an old person from Spain Who persistently stood in the rain.     When they said, "Is it wet?"     He replied, "Wow, you bet!" And continued to stand in the rain.

There was a young man from New York Whose manners caused people to talk;     He swallowed his food     Before it was chewed, While picking his nose with the fork..

There was an old person from Rome, Who, one day, could not find his comb.      He was terribly sad      But it wasn't too bad, For he had not a hair on his dome.

There was a young person whose feet Smelt so remarkably sweet     That the girls of the town     Turned him right upside down And paraded his feet through the street.

There once was a person from Popacatapetyl. When people saw him they would stop and clap a little. If they didn't, he said, He would chop off their head. Then at last someone called up a cop, who grabbed the rebel.

There once was a person whose eyes Were ten times the usual size.     When he stared into space     The look on his face Was one of perpetual surprise.

There was a young girl from St. Kilda Who ALWAYS sang "Waltzing Matilda".     She sang it at work,     'Til the boss, with a SMIRK, Quite understandably, killed her.

Silly Stories

Raymond's Stories