The Three Goldilockses
Silly Stories
I seem to have had a fascination with the fairytale of the three bears, as I wrote two variations on it. The first is the only survivor of a collection of "Fractured Fairy Tales", which included an early prose version of the "Three Pigs" poem. The second, on this page, was written much later, during my university years. It was originally intended as a part of the absurdist "So What Stories" collection. I did not include it in the final version as I felt it did not quite fit the style of the other stories
Raymond's Stories
Once upon a time there were three Goldilockses - a big one, a middle-sized one, and an enormous one. One morning the middle-sized Goldilocks made some porridge for breakfast.

"Ouch!" said the enormous Goldilocks. "This porridge is too hot. We will have to go for a walk while it gets cool." So they went for a walk. When they got home they began to eat their porridge.

"Mine is still too hot," said the enormous Goldilocks.

"Mine is too salty," said the middle-sized Goldilocks.

"Mine is just right," said the big Goldilocks. And she ate it all up.

Then they got tired and sat on a chair. But it was too small for them and it broke.

Then they got tired and went up to their bedroom and they all got into the littlest bed and went to sleep. While they were asleep, nine bears came to the house, three for each Goldilocks.

"Someone has been eating their porridge," they said.

"Someone has been sitting on a chair," they said, "and broken it."

Then they went upstairs to the bedroom.

There was nobody there.

So they all got into the beds and started hibernating.

Meanwhile a little girl called Goldilocks, who was related to the other three Goldilockses was walking through the forest. She came to the house where her relatives lived. She knocked on the door.

"Let me in, let me in!" she called.

"Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" called out one of the bears, who was not yet asleep.

"Then I'll climb down the chimney," she said.

On her way down the chimney, she met the three Goldilockses, who had heard the three bears coming upstairs and had hidden in the chimney. And they would have had to stay there all winter if I hadn't gone upstairs and killed all the bears with my new shotgun. Unfortunately I also shot the four Goldilockses.
Silly Stories
Raymond's Stories