No different from any other Tuesday morning
The PA system mumbled a sudden announcement
Half-heard through the din and the chatter of restless classrooms
Requesting all teachers to meet (briefly) in the staffroom
At the beginning of morning recess.
Teachers continued to write their chalky truths
On the cluttered blackboards of the students' minds
And did not notice the slight tremble in the voice of the loudspeaker
Or the drops of blood oozing from the graffiti on the back wall.
At morning recess
Coffee cups clasped gratefully in chalk-stained hands
The teachers waited for the words to flow:
Complaints from the cleaners?
Papers in classrooms?
Chairs not on tables?
Kids left on their own
Through lateness of staff?
Kids let out early?
Reluctance of teachers to answer the phone?
When, without warning,
The principal leapt
With a single bound
Onto a central table
Raised his eyes and arms to the heavens
Announced that the revolution was at hand
And began to remove his clothing.
Some of the more astute members of staff
Becoming aware that this was no ordinary principal's address
Began to question his aims and objectives
Examine his underlying structures
And ask him to define his terms.
Contemptuously kicking off his shoes
The principal replied
"I spit on you aims and objectives
And all four of your terms.
Locked in my office day after day
I have sat weeping for this school
I have cried tears of blood on departmental documents.
Locked in my office
I have felt deeply for these our children
Locked in their classrooms.
I have known
How they have suffered.
Tied down by timetables
Dragged into desks
Blinded by blackboards
And tortured by texts.
Hammered by History
Ground down by Grammar
Strangled by streaming
And mangled by Maths
Pushed in and out of classrooms by bells.
This day we will strip all students of their uniforms
And burn all class sets.
Classrooms will be out of bounds.
Cigarette smoking will be compulsory,
Except in the toilets.
Free beer will be supplied by the canteen.
Teachers will be expected to share their marijuana with their students
And, in return, Year 11 girls will provide individual tuition in Human Relations
To all members of staff."
Interrupting his speech to perform a frenzied dance
Scattering cups and ashtrays across the room
The principal was joined by the senior mistress
And together they performed certain acts
Hitherto attributed to them only on the back desks of the art room.
"These decisions have been made," continued the principal,
His voice breathless now
Due to the unaccustomed dancing
And the continuing administration of the senior mistress,
"In full consultation with the Curriculum Committee,
Who have spent long hours with me after school
Working out the finer details
And knocking off a few six-packs.
The school is to be divided into three sub-schools,
One to put into practice the theories of Wilhelm Reich,
One to fully develop the latent sadistic tendencies of its students,
And the other to teach students the fine art of constructing papier-mache dinosaurs.
Students will be allotted to their respective schools on sound astrological principles
And will be expected to write reports on their teachers
On the walls of the library and science blocks.
Any teachers who object to my proposals may now raise their right hands.
They will then be taken outside and shot.
A general assembly will be called this afternoon
To announce these curriculum changes to the students."
Amidst wild cheers and stamping of feet,
Some of it sincere,
The principal descended from the table
Performed a handstand
And skipped, naked, to his office
Littered with teachers' Gazettes and Green Forms
Which he was using to build a fleet of paper aeroplanes.
However
The general assembly did not take place.
One of the canteen ladies
Coming to collect the staff lunch bags
Witnessed the principal's remarkable performance
And promptly informed the school council.
The entire administration was arrested and never heard from again.
Most of the students were unaware of the whole incident
Except those who noticed a brief report in the Truth
And the curriculum remained basically unchanged.
Perhaps it's just as well.