December 3, 2005
Did your parents raise an invisible woman?
Did they teach you to:
• Never interrupt anyone?
• Respond to a compliment by saying, "Oh, it was nothing," or, worse, apologizing that it wasn't better?
• Downplay your achievements to avoid seeming boastful?
• Be modest, because in the Bible, every woman who wasn't was a hussy?
• Turn the other cheek when people steal your ideas?
• Let your actions, not your words, speak for you?
If your answers are predominantly "yes," it's no wonder you feel like canned Spam in a bowl of Beluga caviar. You're probably angry or frustrated more than you like to admit. I know I am.
That's why a recent "Women in the Newsroom" newsletter by Cynthia Miller and Lynn Kinney caught my eye. They write:
"In her book The Naked Truth, former CEO and author Margaret Heffernan describes a very comfortable role for many women in the workplace: the woman who fills in the gaps and gets things done. She's the woman who very absolutely makes things happen.
"The problem is that in most organizations this skill commands no respect at all. Appraisal and reward systems aren't set up to recognize invisible achievement."
Heffernan illustrates with a scenario in which two department heads, one a man and one a woman, must prepare their staffs for a new computer system. The woman holds regular training sessions and gradually converts her department. The man waits until the last minute. His staff is in open revolt, so he lays on a big company lunch and hires extra trainers to get through the crisis.
The postscript: He gets a bonus and a letter of recommendation. She gets . . . another assignment.
But there's hope for overlooked worker bees: self-promotion.
If that's a dirty word where you come from, get over it. Lose the nice-girl facade, often a form of fraud in itself, and learn to toot your own horn.
Miller and Kinney suggest this: Agree with a colleague that you'll verbally support each other in meetings, as in "I think Judy's idea is a good one," to ensure that it was heard and its author remembered.
For more advice, I went to Steffie Allen, a women's leadership coach and founder of The Athena Group and Women's Vision Foundation in Denver.
First, she said, communicate your credentials by seamlessly injecting them into conversations. Allen, previously the CEO of a software company, has used this line, for example: "When I took my company public back in 1986 . . . "
Also:
• Write up your accomplishments and give them to your boss every quarter.
• Take on challenging jobs. In her first year on the board at Swedish Hospital, Allen was asked by the chairman to reduce the predominantly male board from 18 seats to 12. Allen did it by instituting term limits. Not a fun task, but it taught her a lesson: Men are rule-oriented. Explain those rules ("We need to set term limits") and men generally respect them.
• Project your voice in meetings. Allen calls it using your "outdoor voice."
• When someone interrupts you, say, "Fred, hold on, I'm not done yet."
• Don't be afraid to interrupt or talk over others when you must. "Boys certainly do it," Allen said. "In fact, they're delighted to talk over you."
• Be direct, be pleasant, look like you mean business, and be serious but not antagonistic.
Allen said women frequently fail to get credit for ideas because "they don't unpack it enough." In other words, they don't explain it thoroughly. "A woman will use 20 words instead of 20 sentences. Guys will unpack (an idea) for days."
And if you don't unpack your idea with enough energy, expect someone to claim it. "Ideas are like footballs. If you leave 'em out there on the field, people feel they're theirs to take," she said.
When someone lifts your idea, take it back by announcing, "Gee, Fred, I'm glad to see you liked my idea."
Allen, who was 50 when she left her software company to follow her passion - helping women to develop as leaders - says it's critical to build strategic networks. "Create alliances outside your normal circle," she said.
Then "debit your account." Do things for others with no expectation of being paid back. Years down the road, you may be pleasantly surprised.
You might even land a date with the hottest man in the universe. Allen frequently gives talks, and she used to joke that her biggest dream was to have lunch with Robert Redford. Imagine her surprise when a woman 30 years her junior actually made it happen.
"The woman worked in the mayor's office, and Mr. Redford was in town for some reason."
The lunch was fabulous. "Mr. Redford was totally charming," she said, recalling his ability "to make you feel like you're the only other person in the room."
Next time I start feeling invisible, I'm going to remember that little story.