Pac-Man's character is difficult to explain even to the Japanese -- he
is an innocent character.  He hasn't been educated to discern between
good and evil.  He acts more like a small child than a grown-up
person.  Think of him as a child learning in the course of his daily
activities.  If some one tells him guns are evil, he would be the type
to rush out and eat guns.  But he would most probably eat any gun,
even the pistols of policemen who need them.
-Toru Iwatani, author of Pac-Man

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
–Groucho Marx

“Reality” is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.
–My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, Nervous Xians

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
- Hunter S. Thompson.

Though this be madness, yet there is method in it.

and everything human's necessarily wrong.
-Swans, Amnesia

I just want to share my disease.
-Clayface, Batman: Arkham Asylum

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire thread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face.
The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown.
The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...
... and I'll look down, and whisper "No."
-Rorschach, Watchmen

Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
- Friedrich W. Nietzsche

Who watches the watchmen?
- Juvenal, Satires, VI, 347

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-A. Whitney Brown

Insofar as the laws of mathematics are certain, they do not refer to reality; and insofar as they refer to reality, they are not certain.
-Albert Einstein

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
-Winston Churchill

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-Elizabeth Taylor

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
-Thomas Alva Edison

When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
-Winston Churchill
on formal declaration of war

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
-W. C. Fields

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
-Winston Churchill

What is moral is what you feel good after.
-Ernest Hemingway

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.
-Al Capone

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
-Ernest Hemingway

Every man wishes to be wise, and they who cannot be wise are almost always cunning.
-Samuel Johnson

Give me a lever long enough, and I shall move the world.

The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine.
-Nikola Tesla

If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain

All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others.
-,George Orwell, Animal Farm

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
-John F. Kennedy

Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
-Al Capone

Onstage, I make love to 25 000 people, then I go home alone.
-Janis Joplin

What luck for rulers that men do not think.
-Adolf Hitler

Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you 50,000 dollars for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul.
-Marilyn Monroe

Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?
-Joseph Stalin

If you were me, you'd be good lookin'
-Buddy, Six-String Samurai

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
-Joseph Stalin

It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
-Voltaire, War

Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctoral gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper.
-Cigarette-Smoking Man, The X-Files

The Universe has an incredibly sadistic sense of humor. And I, for one, enjoy watching the poor fools who just don't get the joke.
-Lynn Marshall

God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
-Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, Good Omens

Boys are made to squirt and girls are made to lay eggs. And if the truth be known, boys don't very much care what they squirt into.
-Gore Vidal

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.

Then I saw a sign which said 'Drink Canada Dry' - so we started.
-Brendan Behan

The aim of psychoanalysis is to relieve people of their neurotic unhappiness so that they can be normally unhappy.
-Sigmund Freud

Art is dead! There's nothing left to say. Style is exhausted and content is pointless. Art has no purpose. All that's left is commodity marketing.
-Calvin, Calvin and Hobbs

The idea that space and time may form a closed surface without boundary also has profound implications for the role of God in the affairs of the universe. With the success of scientific theories in describing events, most people have come to believe that God allows the universe to evolve according to a set of laws and does not intervene in the universe to break these laws. However, the laws do not tell us what the universe should have looked like when it started - it would still be up to God to wind up the clockwood and choose how to start it off. So long as the universe had a beginning, we could suppose it had a creator. But if the universe is really completely self-contained, having no boundaries or edge, it would have neither beginning nor end: it would simply be. What place, then, for a creator?
-Prof. Steven Hawking, A Brief History of Time

The cunt's been "Glassed".
-Begbie, Trainspotting

People often call me crazy, and I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why they say it like it is a bad thing.

Einstein said that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence. Answering yourself, however, is a sign of insanity. I have no problem with you talking to yourself, just as long as it doesn't turn into an argument.

\War should be the only study of a prince. He should consider peace only as a breathing-time, which gives him leisure to contrive, and furnishes as ability to execute, military plans.
-Niccolo Machiavelli

Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less-advanced life forms, and they call you crazy.
-Richard Bach, Illusions

I especially love driving down a hill directly at a tree and swerving to one side at the last moment. That's my way to relax.
-Boris Yeltsin, on the joys of driving his golf buggy

I see now the virtue in madness, for this country knows no law nor any boundary. I pity the poor shades confined to the Euclidean prison that is sanity.
-Dr. Amedeus Arkham, Batman: Arkham Asylum

And who is this pure fool? Lo,In the sagas of old time, legend of scald, of bard, of druid...Cometh he not in green like spring? O thou water that art air, In whom all complex is resolved! OH YES...fill the churches with dirty thoughts! Introduce honesty to the white house! Write letters in dead languages to people you've never met! Paint filthy words on the foreheads of children! Burn your credit cards and wear high heels! Asylum doors, stand open! Fill the suburbs with murder and rape! DIVINE MADNESS! Let there be ECSTACY, ECSTACY in the streets!! Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
-The Joker , Batman: Arkham Asylum

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening; this wasn't it.
-Groucho Marx

Stood in street. Watched it burn.
Imagined limbless felt torsos inside; breasts blackening; bellies smoldering; busting into flame one by one.
Watched for an hour.
Nobody got out.
Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night.
Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever, and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, Hell-bound as ourselves; go into oblivion. There is nothing else.
Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not Fate that butchers them or Destiny that feeds them to the dogs.
It's us.
Only us.
Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world....
-Rorschach, Watchmen

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
-Albert Einstein

There are quite a few things I've done that even I thought might have been one step too far. But if you are willing to make a fool of yourself and make people smile, as long as you do it with a sense of fun, you can get away with it.
-Richard Branson

It's better to live life one day as a lion, than a hundred as a sheep.
-Benito Mussollini

Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others.
-Oscar Wilde

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.
-Rebecca West

One man with courage is a majority.
-Thomas Jefferson

Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

I don't practice what I preach because Im not the sort of person I preach to.
-J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
-Church of the Subgenius motto.

It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.
-George, My Best Friends Wedding

It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.
-Tyler Durdan, Fight Club

I'd like to share a revelation that I've had, during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.
-Agent Smith, The Matrix

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose a future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?
-Renton, Trainspotting