Bob: greetings realize2actualize: good evening Bob: Your posts have been getting a lot of attacks directed at them realize2actualize: just as always, when you bring up a controversial point, some people tend to get                            defensive realize2actualize: and in that they attack you for it Bob: I sense in your posts that something changed in/with you recently Bob: like 'you had an awakening' or something realize2actualize: a lot has Bob: I am interested in this matter Bob: What happened, and when? realize2actualize: I came out of a very difficult and challenging marriage of 12 years Bob: ahh realize2actualize: during which I awakened Bob: flowering post-storm realize2actualize: to some very serious degree Bob: tell me about this awakening realize2actualize: well Bob: if you will realize2actualize: sure do realize2actualize: when I first met my now ex wife, I was 24 realize2actualize: still very immature realize2actualize: and insecure realize2actualize: I met here in Germany, where I am from realize2actualize: and she was from America, and African American at that, part Cherokee, very alive                             person, which is what I fell in love with realize2actualize: so, 2 month after I met her in Germany I decided to come over to America, and right                             away I became part of a whole new culture realize2actualize: I somehow stumbled into the whole thing, not knowing what to expect realize2actualize: so when my now ex wife was acting in very peculiar way I focused on what was wrong                            with her behavior realize2actualize: so, I focused on what was wrong with her realize2actualize: tried changing her realize2actualize: since I was not mature and strong enough to accept her for the person she was, and                             also because we never really took the time to get to know her really, moving to                             America only 2 month after I met her in Germany, and getting married to her 2                             month after arriving in the us realize2actualize: so we were fighting all the time realize2actualize: I let her push my buttons, used to see red realize2actualize: it was bad realize2actualize: lost control a lot realize2actualize: so after a year of this I began studying realize2actualize: came across personal development, something that is not very known in Germany realize2actualize: captured my interested, I became fascinated by the notion, especially since I faced                             serious problems in my life realize2actualize: came across something that Steven Covey said, the author of "the 7 habits of highly                             effective people" realize2actualize: which truly marked the beginning of my personal transformation realize2actualize: helped me to look at myself and my actions more deeply realize2actualize: the phrase that opened my eyes was.... realize2actualize: between what happens to you, and your response to what happens to you... realize2actualize: lies your ULTIMATE FREEDOM to CHOOSE your response realize2actualize: so I began looking at myself, trying to learn how to choose my response more                             carefully realize2actualize:  and what I can change realize2actualize: and during this time I began using a voice recorder to capture my thoughts realize2actualize: which helped since I lived a very isolated life realize2actualize: so I learned to hear myself during those times of fighting, and I began to really see                            myself realize2actualize: and my shortcomings realize2actualize: so instead of focusing on my ex and what was wrong with her, I started to look at                             myself and what i needed to be doing realize2actualize: so after years and years of hard time, and fighting and still making the same                             mistakes I learned to gain more control over myself, the only person over whom I                             have ultimate control over realize2actualize: and I learned to fully accept my ex for the person she was, and I gave up trying to                             change her realize2actualize: but there is more of course, I also had children with her realize2actualize: which helped me realize so many things about myself, and what is important realize2actualize: they are here in San Francisco, which is why I moved here from Kansas to be with                             them realize2actualize: I am not living with them at the time Bob: yes, I see realize2actualize: but am working on it realize2actualize: it's my goal to live with them again, and to give them a good and loving home Bob: i see realize2actualize: so now that I am single again, it's like a new phase in my life has opened up realize2actualize: also, I never really used to like people, used to be somewhat selfish and arrogant                             before moving to the us realize2actualize: so I changed a lot realize2actualize: even before I moved to America realize2actualize: which made me realize that everything in life is meant to be realize2actualize: no accidents Bob: heh Bob: more than you know realize2actualize: and everything leads to something Bob: well, that's not saying much, but I follow you realize2actualize: good realize2actualize: actually realize2actualize: the implications are quite amazing I think realize2actualize: people nowadays look for meaning realize2actualize: as well as happiness and love and meaning realize2actualize: you know what I am talking about Bob: yes, i do realize2actualize: so it occurred to me realize2actualize: if we learn to adopt those qualities as part of our general attitude towards life realize2actualize: we can learn to focus more on living, on being, as opposed to searching and seeking Bob: hmm realize2actualize: and then we realize that if you are in tune with ourselves and our environment realize2actualize: like living more fully in the moment realize2actualize: and learning from experience realize2actualize: life leads us places realize2actualize: and teaches us everything we need to know realize2actualize: and we become who we are meant to become realize2actualize: if we are open to what is happening realize2actualize: and focus less on what we want or seek or like or don’t like realize2actualize: and simply be, as Buddhism suggest realize2actualize: to live in the moment, and experience fully realize2actualize: I guess that should suffice for now realize2actualize: makes sense? Bob: yes Bob: You may wish to know that I have practiced Zen for 18 years. Bob: I am well-enough versed in it to teach it. realize2actualize: excellent Bob: I have studied with some well-known Zen teachers here. realize2actualize: good for you Bob: But that's a whole other matter. I'm not 'a Buddhist' Bob: I am a learner realize2actualize: right realize2actualize: and a human being first and foremost Bob: It sounds like you're starting to realize that 'being here, now' is interesting, and has potentials         you had no access to, before realize2actualize: nothing to be ashamed of as some religions seem to suggest realize2actualize: true realize2actualize: if I might share something with you realize2actualize: that gives a little more insight into what I said realize2actualize: that whatever happens is meant to be Bob: yes, please realize2actualize: last year realize2actualize: when I finally came out of my marriage realize2actualize: feb 20th 2003 realize2actualize: I received some money from my divorce settlement realize2actualize: which I used to pay of my attorney realize2actualize: was about to move to cali realize2actualize: to be with my children, and start a new life realize2actualize: so I quit my job in order to move here realize2actualize: the following day realize2actualize: I went to a  club at night to celebrate  a new beginning realize2actualize: ready to move the same weekend realize2actualize: when it was time to leave the club I walked across the street to get to my car realize2actualize: and while standing at the curb of the street for 1 sec to talk to somebody realize2actualize: a car came around the corner, seemingly drunk driver realize2actualize: threw me up in the air, broke my left leg in 2 places realize2actualize: hit and run accident realize2actualize: left me homeless realize2actualize: the day after I quit my job Bob: i see the perils of it realize2actualize: life is what happens while you make other plans Bob: sometimes realize2actualize: I was not ready to move yet, had things to learn realize2actualize: I think that our attitude towards what happens to us is vital realize2actualize: we all have so many wonderful potentialities, most of them left unrealized realize2actualize: so glad we met Bob: As am I Bob: I have more questions :) realize2actualize: and I shall have more answers realize2actualize: but maybe we can continue this tomorrow maybe Bob: sure. Bob: wise dreams to you. Bob: all blessings to you and those you adore