xxx:  ME I GOT A LOUSY ATTITUDE

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     you gotta work thru those hard times...the challanges of life

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I think I have a pretty good attitude

xxx:  I NEED TO WORK ON IT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that is why I want to teach

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     good for you

xxx:  YOU GOT A GREAT ATTITUDE 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     thanks Ken

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I am trying

xxx:  I DONT KNOW HOW YOIU DO IT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     when I was a kid in germany we had this Christmas carol

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and the words kinda stuck with me

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     it does not take much to be happy

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but the one who is happy

MrSelfDevelopmnt:    is king

xxx:: OH I SEE 

xxx:: I GET IT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     you gotta maintain that magic and wonder we had as children

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     when we had it

xxx:: I WANT TO BE KING 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     before we somehow lost it

xxx:  I WAS DEPRESSED AS A CHILD 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     just don't let the problem and troubles get you down

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     sorry buddy

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     remember, everything has reasons

xxx:  YOU THINK SO 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I know so

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     absolutely

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     it does not come from nowhere

xxx:  ONE TIME I TOOK A LOT OF ILLEGAL DRUGS AND SAW JESUS 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     really

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     well garsh darn it

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     lol

xxx:  IT STAYS WITH ME TO THIS DAY 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     how and when was that

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I bet

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     tell me about it

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I don't mean to pry

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     just very interested

xxx:  JESUS MADE ME TO UNDERSTAND WHY THE WORLD WAS CREATED 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     oh please,,......tell me

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     yes

xxx:  HE HELD ME AND I FELT GODS' INFINITE LOVE . IT WAS LOVE BEYONE REASON BUT I UNDERSTOOD . I TOLD JESUS THAT I HAD TO GET BACK TO THE WORLD TO TELL EVERYONE 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     hey there, you are on a mission then

xxx:  I GUESS SO . JESUS WAS ALL LIGHT WITHOUT ANY SHADOW 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and..what happened???

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     wow

xxx:  WELL AT FIRST I WAS IN ROOMS THAT WAS DIFFERENT COLORS 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     ok

xxx:  IT WAS NICE BUT I SENSE SOMETHING MISSING 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     yes

xxx:  THAN I SAW A PIN PRICK OF LIGHT 

xxx:  I WILL MYSELF TOWARD IT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and

xxx:  THE LIGHT GREW STRRONGER AND THAN THERE WAS JESUS . HE WAS THE LIGHT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     wow

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     how long was that ago????

xxx:  WE TALKED BUT NOT IN WORDS WITH OUR MOUTHS BUT HE HELD ME IN HIS LAP AND LET ME FEEL THE LOVE THAT CREATED EVERYTHING 

xxx:: 30 YEARS AGO BUT ITS LIKE YESTERDAY FOR ME 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     wow

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     what an experience

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and..what have you learned from it????

xxx:  I REALLY TOOK A LOT OF DRUGS . MAYBE I TOOK TOO MUCH AND DIED . I DONT' KNOW . BUT I THINK ABOUT IT OFTEN . ESSPECIALLY WHEN IM' DEPRESSED

xxx:  GODS' INFINITE LOVE FOR US 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     you should feel the love Ken and let it fill you up

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     right

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I kind of feel the same way

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and infinite love for people

xxx:  REALLY . YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS ?

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I believe in life

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and love

xxx:  BUT WHAT ABOUT GOD ?

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I always had a problem with the biblical account of creation , and Jesus, and sin

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I can tell you though what I believe

xxx:  CREATION IS A MYTH . WHEN I SAW JESUS HE DIDNT' MENTION IT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     yeah

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I agree

xxx:  WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE ?

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that people sin by having a very wrong sense of power

xxx:  DO YOU BELIEVE IN A AFTER LIFE ?

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     actually,

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I don't really care about that

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I think the meaning of life is life itself

xxx:  I UNDERSTAND 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     therefore the full development and growth shoud be the focus

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     unlike what has been happening so far

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     power has priority over people

xxx:  BUT TO WHAT PURPOSE ?

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     to what purpose?

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     life is purpose

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     just look around

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     look at every plant and animal, look at our wonderful nature, or what is left of it

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     it is all very purposeful

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that was until man came and messed it up

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     with his ignorance and greed

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and hunger for power

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     very sad

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     even how we grow up

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     how unfree, we are controlled, learn for the system

xxx:  THERE WAS A TIME WHEN MAN HAD VERY LITTLE INPACT ON THE WORLD 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     well..that shure changed

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     once we transcended our natural ties with nature

xxx:  YEAH WERE LIKE A CANCER TO THE WORLD 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     interesting here that this goes together with the bibical account of man being thrown out of paradise

xxx:  WE JUST EAT IT AWAY 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     cause he ate from the tree of knowledge, he gained conscience

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but how we have used our conscience and free will

xxx:  YEAH 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and how we should use it

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that is what I am talking about

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     time to focus on life and people I think

xxx:  I UNDERSTAND . 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that is how in a small way we can redeem ourselves I believe

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     for the mess we have created

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we really don't deserve to live forever on this planet

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     cause we just don't understand what life is all about

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we are too busy

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we have develop this world, our environment, but not life

xxx:  I THINK THE EARTH CAN DO WITH US BEING HERE. THATS TRUE 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but not for much longer

xxx:  I THINK ONE DAY MAN WILL BE EXTINCT

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     the last generation being able to live and die of old age might be born now

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     absolutely

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we destroy ourselves

xxx:  MAN WILL BE SPIRIT

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     aliens from other planets must think of us as very stupid

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     man will be no more

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     machines might take over

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     who knows

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     al that matters that we have time to make a difference

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and the time is now

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     when I was a kid, I was sitting one day at the breakfast table

xxx:  OK

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     while my dad was reading the paper

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and there was a picture of this poor little african girl

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and I asked my mom very naively, like kids do at times

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     how come I am me and not her

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     it really took a while for me to realize the depth of this question

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     so I developed this strong sense of compassion for all the troubles happening to people all over the world

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I found out that we should be very thankful

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     for all the things we have

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that we have food

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     are healthy

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and whatever bad is happening to us

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     it could be always worse

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we could have on leg missing

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     or having to search for food in trash cans

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     garsh , just imagine living like that

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     at least we have a chance

xxx:  I LOST MY SON AND IT DONT' GET NO WORST THAN THAT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     most people just struggle surviving

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     yeah..that must be tough

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I am so sorry to hear that

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     may I ask how

xxx:  HE WAS MURDERED 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     garsh..that is terrible

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     Ken..I realy feel for you

xxx:  YES IT DONT' GET NO WORST THAN THAT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     not that it really matters

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     still

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     he wanted you to go on

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and live out his great memory

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and not to give up on life

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     cause someone did something horrific

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     you are important Ken

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we need you here among us

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     you have a lot of love and goodness to share

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     don't let the bad stuff eat you from the inside

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     there is goodness in the world

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I know

xxx:  I MISS HIM . BUT THE OBITUARY SAID THAT HE WAS SURVIVED BY AND NAMED FAMILY MEMBERS ,IT ONLY SAID SURVIVED BY . IT DIDNT SAY WE WOULD BE HAPPY OR RICH ;JUST THAT HE WAS SURVIVE BY . THAT WAS MY INSTRUCTIONS FROM SOCIETY

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that is strange

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but he lives on in your heart..your soul...your mind

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     let this give you strength

xxx:  HE IS IN HEAVEN 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     he is part of you

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and he will always be

xxx:  MY DAUGHTER SAW HIM IN VISION AND SHE SAYS HE IS VERY HAPPY

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     he is right her...with you

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     so he needs you to be happy too

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and while it is hard

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I only can begin to understand that

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I really can sympathize deeply with what you went thru

xxx:  ANYWAY ALL THESE THINGS SHAPE US AND MOLD US .PEOPLE ARENT' BORN MEAN . I THINK PEOPLE GET MEAN BECAUSE THEY WERE HUMILATED IN THERE LIFE AT SOME POINT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     absolutely correct

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     very true

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I don't think people are innate evil..they learn to be this way

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     thru sociey....cruel conditions....no love in their life...no understanding

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     it's very sad

xxx:  AND THE HUMILATION JUST MADE THEM MEAN . I WAS HUMILATED AS A CHILD AND IT MADE ME MEAN UNTIL I REALIZED THIS 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I can only begin to understand

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I felt a little humiliated going to school

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     kids calling you 4 eyes

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     making fun of you

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I know..this is only a weak example

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     still

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     it is wrong

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and we call this normal child behavior

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we need to learn to respect...accept...appreciate and understand one another

xxx:  IT DOSENT.' MATTER HOW SMALL THE HUMILATION WHAT MATTERS IS HOW IT EFFECTS THE PERSON 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     only then can we make this world a better place

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     right

xxx:  I HOPE I CAN MAKE A DIFFRENCE . I DONT' KNOW . 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     yes you can

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     be yourself..be alive...be happy....be genuine....that is all it takes

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     be loving

xxx:  I USE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE  BUT NOW IM' AT LOOSE ENDS 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that is what we need

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     you can get out of it

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     start a new

MrSelfDevelopmnt:       it is never to late for that

xxx:  ITS VERY CONFUSING TO ME . MAKING A DIFFERENCE THAT IS . 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     well

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     you need to become well on the inside first

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     most people try to make a difference by doing things for others, charity..which is great

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I think we can make the best difference

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     by becoming the most loving

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     genuine

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     caring

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     friendly

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     us we can be

xxx:  I THINK SO ,I GOT TO GET THE CURE . IM' CLINICALLY DEPRESSED . I HAVE TO GET WELL 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     hope I can be of any help

xxx:  YOU ARE OF GREAT HELP 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     thank you Ken

xxx:  I GET POSITIVE FEED BACK FROM SOMEONE WHO IS SUFFERING 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     cool

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but I don't wanna suffer anymore.I wann live

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     too long I have endured a crappy life

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     time has come to make things right

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     however hard it is

xxx:  THIS IS A HARD TIME FOR YOU . CHRIS SOMETIMES WE GOT TO SUFFER  

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     time to stand up for yourself

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     well

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I already went thur the worst

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I can tell you stories

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     when I was so consumed with anger over my wife

xxx:  YEAH I BET 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     several years ago

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     it was the worst

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I was soo immature then

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I have lots of guilt because of that

xxx:  YOU WERE PUSHED TOO FAR 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I have done my shares of mistakes

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but I let myself being pushed

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I have learned that

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that it was my choice

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I could have just accepted her for who she was

xxx:  OH I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN . 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but no

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I had to get anngry over her

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     tried to change her

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that is how I have learned about self-control

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     don't even try to control or change others

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     it most likely won't happen

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     begin by yourself

xxx:  I STOPPED TRYING TO CHANGE MY WIFE ABOUT 24 YRS AGO

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     whatever is going on around you

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     good for you

xxx:  I JUST ACCEPTED THINGS 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     such a waste of energy trying to change others

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     right

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     only then  can we live with people on the basis of who they really are

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and not trying to mold them into how we want them to

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     nobody wants that

xxx:  SHE USED TO DRINK  AND I GET UPSET . THEN I JUST STOPPED GETTING UPSET AND LET HER BE 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I wish I could turn back the hands of time

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I would have done it all very differently

xxx:  OH MAN SO DO I 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but life is all about learning from our mistakes

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     makes us a better person
xxx:  SOMETIMES THE KNOWLEDGE ISNT' WORTH THE PAIN 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     no sense living in the past, hoping..wishing...if I just had done this differently..will not make a damn difference...life is about the here and now

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     knowledge is important

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but more important is what we do with the knowledge

xxx:  I RATHER BE BLISSFULLY DUMB

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     hey

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     don't say that

xxx:  LIKE ADAM AND EVE BEFORE THEY GOT KICKED OUT OF THE GARDEN 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     well

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     they were unconscious

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     were one with nature

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     just like all the other animals

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and you know what happened then
MrSelfDevelopmnt:     the beginning of man

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and at the same time...the downfall of mankind

xxx:  YES 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I think there is a lesson to be learned here

xxx:  SURE IS . 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     yep

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     and i want to teach that lesson

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     quite an undertaking

xxx:  BUT I BELIEVE I AM NOT ACTING ALONE BUT COOPERATING WITH THE INVINCIBLE POWER OF A LOVING GOD 

xxx:  AND ALSO WITH TRUSTWORTHY HELPERS 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     great

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     so glad I met you 

xxx:  LIKEWISE 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     swell

xxx:  IT GOOD TO TALK THINGS OUT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     time to make a difference

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     absolutely

xxx:  YOU CAN DO IT 

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     I think that one of the main problem when we grow up

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     is that nobody is really talking to us

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     that nobody is listening

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we are just bombarded with all this knowledge

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we are indoctrinated, expected to be obedient

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     but in a way, our human sprits are broken

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we loose our freedom to be alive

MrSelfDevelopmnt:     we become fearful and insecure, and loose our sense of being who we are on the inside