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XXXXX: hi chris MrSelfDevelopmnt: how are you today? XXXXX: ok i guess a little nervous MrSelfDevelopmnt: why? XXXXX: i just get nervous , its anxiety because things are so uncertain . i shouldn’t' feel this but hey , thet’s why i see a psychiatrist once a week MrSelfDevelopmnt: ok XXXXX: you think things are meant to be ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: always MrSelfDevelopmnt: everything is meant to be XXXXX: than what happens to us is part of a grand design ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: of course.....but still..we have choices and free will...the problems begins with how we use our free will..the problem begins with our ego..something that I am writing about as well ..being vs having MrSelfDevelopmnt: life is about being MrSelfDevelopmnt: not having MrSelfDevelopmnt: sorry, here I go again preaching.... XXXXX: sounds interesting .but whatever the trouble we have it is one of these things that can and do happen to human beings MrSelfDevelopmnt: I understand MrSelfDevelopmnt: terrible things do happen to people XXXXX: disaster or collapse in life of a creature cannot change god MrSelfDevelopmnt: but you can change yourself MrSelfDevelopmnt: did you ever hear of Victor Frankl MrSelfDevelopmnt: he wrote a book called "man's search for meaning" XXXXX: that’s what we must do ..........no i dont' recall the name MrSelfDevelopmnt: in which he describes his experiences in a german concentration camp MrSelfDevelopmnt: where unbelievable cruel and inhumane experiments were performed on him XXXXX: did he find meaning ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: and he realized there that there is one last freedom these people can touch, can't take away from him XXXXX: what’s that ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: he found that while people can hurt him on the outside MrSelfDevelopmnt: they can't control his inner freedom MrSelfDevelopmnt: that they could not take that away from him MrSelfDevelopmnt: they could hurt him, and humiliate him MrSelfDevelopmnt: but they could not touch his inner sense of who he was on the inside XXXXX: he must be very strong MrSelfDevelopmnt: and that kept him alive XXXXX: most wouldn’t' and didn’t' survive MrSelfDevelopmnt: I think it is a wonderful example of how to best endure hardship and suffering MrSelfDevelopmnt: right..that is why he became a professor MrSelfDevelopmnt: all of his family died there XXXXX: there was a man that was going for his ph d ' and he was in a contenration camp MrSelfDevelopmnt: yes XXXXX: and he was extremly nervous about his desertation MrSelfDevelopmnt: and XXXXX: nobody could understand why he was so nervous after all he was a survivor XXXXX: but i understood MrSelfDevelopmnt: do tell...please XXXXX: he needed that ph d' in order to have a sense of control over his life MrSelfDevelopmnt: i see XXXXX: if he failed than he failed to gain control over his life MrSelfDevelopmnt: i understand XXXXX: his life was destroyed by the nazis MrSelfDevelopmnt: it is sad MrSelfDevelopmnt: but that is exactly what Frankl's point was MrSelfDevelopmnt: he did not want to give them the power to destroy his life XXXXX: sometimes a human needs a sense of control . thats why i went to school MrSelfDevelopmnt: they could hurt his body MrSelfDevelopmnt: but they could not take away his soul MrSelfDevelopmnt: and that is why I am so big on self control XXXXX: but in life people do lose their souls MrSelfDevelopmnt: right...but why MrSelfDevelopmnt: cause of circumstances MrSelfDevelopmnt: conditions MrSelfDevelopmnt: experiences? XXXXX: because they have no control over the circumstances MrSelfDevelopmnt: if we are truly centered beings...nobody and nothing can break or spirit, our soul MrSelfDevelopmnt: but that is exactly my point MAN XXXXX: so they will do anything MrSelfDevelopmnt: don't even try to control your circumstances MrSelfDevelopmnt: live in them MrSelfDevelopmnt: and be alive MrSelfDevelopmnt: that is what you can do...work on yourself..change yourself..or rather..be changed ..be open...don't try to change things around you MrSelfDevelopmnt: let is be MrSelfDevelopmnt: and be yourself MrSelfDevelopmnt: that is my point MrSelfDevelopmnt: my message basically XXXXX: i agree but how is the question ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: what do you mean? MrSelfDevelopmnt: what question XXXXX: is there a dynamic involved ; like is there a tangible way ? or do we just realize the truth and act on it ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: we become truth MrSelfDevelopmnt: alive MrSelfDevelopmnt: but we need to realize who we are on the inside..and develop on that notion..and bring ourselves into existence.. MrSelfDevelopmnt: and at the same time be open to what is going on around us XXXXX: i see MrSelfDevelopmnt: learning to perceive the truth is essential MrSelfDevelopmnt: learning to see things as they are MrSelfDevelopmnt: and not as we are MrSelfDevelopmnt: again...openness is key XXXXX: sounds hard to do if things are going badly MrSelfDevelopmnt: I bet MrSelfDevelopmnt: unless you realize how grand, magnificent life is MrSelfDevelopmnt: and that you have it all within you XXXXX: it sure would be good . i keep seeing life as bad .i think because of past experiences . my job was my controlling factor . as long as i had my job i was in control MrSelfDevelopmnt: I fully understand MrSelfDevelopmnt: but again..that is not life MrSelfDevelopmnt: that is what happened to you MrSelfDevelopmnt: how you experienced life XXXXX: it was for me MrSelfDevelopmnt: I bet MrSelfDevelopmnt: I completely understand XXXXX: so now I’m' like in a hellish limbo MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see MrSelfDevelopmnt: I might be time to come out of that limbo Man XXXXX: I’m' neither here nor there MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see MrSelfDevelopmnt: you are here with me XXXXX: baby steps MrSelfDevelopmnt: right..baby steps MrSelfDevelopmnt: very good XXXXX: just small steps at a time MrSelfDevelopmnt: excellent...you can't rush the natural process of healing XXXXX: I used to cry but now i don’t . XXXXX: I would actually cry MrSelfDevelopmnt: crying is a very important emotion MrSelfDevelopmnt: I have done that myself MrSelfDevelopmnt: I am a very emotional person MrSelfDevelopmnt: crying feels very real MrSelfDevelopmnt: it is a very true emotion XXXXX: but now I don’t. so am I MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see XXXXX: I don’t' cry anymore . but I get depressed . depression is hell . MrSelfDevelopmnt: crying might be better then XXXXX: you feel all disconnected MrSelfDevelopmnt: a good cry can do wonders MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see XXXXX: I cant' cry anymore MrSelfDevelopmnt: mmmmmmhhhmmmmm XXXXX: it just doesn’t' happen MrSelfDevelopmnt: I think you could XXXXX: I wish I could MrSelfDevelopmnt: if you really feel the pain..and the reasons for the pain XXXXX: maybe I’m' getting better MrSelfDevelopmnt: all the shit you went thru MrSelfDevelopmnt: I think you are getting better Man XXXXX: it just takes time . MrSelfDevelopmnt: right MrSelfDevelopmnt: I believe in you ...you're gonna be fine XXXXX: i use to dream my son was alive and when i woke up i have to tell myself that he is dead and try to accept that MrSelfDevelopmnt: just take it easy on yourself MrSelfDevelopmnt: yeah...you told me that XXXXX: this went on for years MrSelfDevelopmnt: you don't have those dreams anymore XXXXX: now i get up and have to remind myself that I lost the all important job .........no not since I was fired . I had a few but rarely now do I dream of him that he is alive MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see XXXXX: dreams are really strange . you can learn a lot from them or they can be terrible because your mind is free to create realities MrSelfDevelopmnt: absolutely XXXXX: but the realities are only dreams MrSelfDevelopmnt: well XXXXX: so they are a form of torment MrSelfDevelopmnt: nothing more...nothing less MrSelfDevelopmnt: but your mind is trying to tell you something...your dreams are too XXXXX: yes i believe that . i think the dreams are a way of escaping reality MrSelfDevelopmnt: the message is..leave the past be....and move on...you need to live it..you owe it to yourself XXXXX: because the reality is too harsh MrSelfDevelopmnt: it depends on how you look at it XXXXX: yes my perspective is distorted by reality MrSelfDevelopmnt: interesting MrSelfDevelopmnt: very interesting XXXXX: the more i understand reality the more distorted my thinking becomes ............ XXXXX: i talked to my doctor about it MrSelfDevelopmnt: amazing what power reality can have..to distort your perspective...you think that is good Man...you give reality that power...is there no other way Man? MrSelfDevelopmnt: sorry.for talking so much,.....I just think it is highly interesting XXXXX: he says i dwell too much on things .........reality hurts so much . i cant' escape it or accept it MrSelfDevelopmnt: yep/..you have to accept it..unconditionally...sorry ...but things won't change because you don't like it... MrSelfDevelopmnt: focus on yourself MrSelfDevelopmnt: that is what you can change XXXXX: i need courage to get through the day XXXXX: courage to face reality MrSelfDevelopmnt: where do you think you can get that from? XXXXX: i dont know . i think courage is an attitude of mind MrSelfDevelopmnt: very good MrSelfDevelopmnt: it all lies within MrSelfDevelopmnt: waiting to come out MrSelfDevelopmnt: you have all the courage you need, you just need to bring it out XXXXX: if we develop a good attitude courage comes along XXXXX: good attitude is something that can be develop internally MrSelfDevelopmnt: right XXXXX: some are stronger than others MrSelfDevelopmnt: right...but some just have not realized and actualized their inner strenth MrSelfDevelopmnt: we all have it XXXXX: you think so ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: we just have a different way of expressing it MrSelfDevelopmnt: I know so MrSelfDevelopmnt: that is why I like the concept of developing yourself MrSelfDevelopmnt: developing on your potentialities MrSelfDevelopmnt: on your inner strength and creativity XXXXX: than my personal breakdown is blessing in disguise MrSelfDevelopmnt: developing you inner power MrSelfDevelopmnt: it might be MrSelfDevelopmnt: how great of you to begin looking of it this way MrSelfDevelopmnt: you have soo much to give XXXXX: its that i feel i have no where in life to go . work gave me a sense of purpose . whats my purpose now ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: to be happy.....to give love....to listen...to understand...to be real MrSelfDevelopmnt: that is your purpose first and foremost I think MrSelfDevelopmnt: and good things will happen XXXXX: it makes sense MrSelfDevelopmnt: life is an adventure ...begin living it...take chances....become open to new experiences MrSelfDevelopmnt: there is so much out there MrSelfDevelopmnt: waiting for you to explore XXXXX: i dont' see it that way . maybe its all an illusion . time and space are not real . the only reality is infinity MrSelfDevelopmnt: hhhhmmmmm XXXXX: if there was a beginning for time and space than what was before that ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: who knows..who cares...sorry...I concern myself mainly with what is...with life..I don't even concern myself with what happens after we die...life is all that matters I think XXXXX: once we realize that we part of infinity than we can understand our true nature MrSelfDevelopmnt: which is? XXXXX: that the god who made us gave us part of him that is infinite . and he can overcome any evil that affects my life MrSelfDevelopmnt: good XXXXX: you see what i mean ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: I do XXXXX: clear unstandings make long friendships MrSelfDevelopmnt: absolutely XXXXX: instead of being a person when i had a breakdown i was just an emotional reaction MrSelfDevelopmnt: very good XXXXX: all in all what are we building on our lives ? feeling, appearances or reality . which of these things do we want most of all ?to feel good , to look good or to be good ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: right.....it starts by being good..on the inside XXXXX: yes but my breakdown left me radically self centered MrSelfDevelopmnt: I understand XXXXX: what i need is courageous living XXXXX: some people are very unhappy that they resort to alcohol and drugs MrSelfDevelopmnt: right XXXXX: i dont drink at all .... MrSelfDevelopmnt: good for you XXXXX: dont' take illegal drugs either MrSelfDevelopmnt: excellent MrSelfDevelopmnt: but lots of prescription drugs....right? XXXXX: my only bad habit is smoking . but when i wasnt' depressed i didnt' smoke.......yeh i take a lot of prescriptions drugs MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see XXXXX: anti depressants MrSelfDevelopmnt: look what I just came across...and concept of God that Erich Fromm developed..I think it is wonderful and soo true: MrSelfDevelopmnt: GOD is a symbol for the act of leaving the prison of one's ego and achieving the freedom of openness and relatedness to the world. MrSelfDevelopmnt: it is not easy..I can understand..but that is truly what i think GOD is all about....learnig the art of living MrSelfDevelopmnt: regardless or inspite of how harsh reality is MrSelfDevelopmnt: life is for the living XXXXX: but god is more than a symbol he is reality or the final reality MrSelfDevelopmnt: GOD is a symbol of life MrSelfDevelopmnt: GOD is life MrSelfDevelopmnt: life in it's purest form MrSelfDevelopmnt: in it's essence XXXXX: without god there is no life ? MrSelfDevelopmnt: right MrSelfDevelopmnt: but again MrSelfDevelopmnt: God IS LIFE MrSelfDevelopmnt: he can not be found somewhere out there MrSelfDevelopmnt: he is right here MrSelfDevelopmnt: within XXXXX: i believe jesus died for us and is the son of god MrSelfDevelopmnt: see...I have a problem with that concept MrSelfDevelopmnt: with Jesus dying for our sins XXXXX: god and jesus are the same MrSelfDevelopmnt: the biggest sin is that we are so ignorant and selfish XXXXX: i agree MrSelfDevelopmnt: and life...let's just call it that.....life is the key...life....nothing else MrSelfDevelopmnt: but of course..if you look at reality....and the system..which we serve...it is kinda hard to value life XXXXX: but its human nature to be selfish ; god is not selfish MrSelfDevelopmnt: it is all very unnatural XXXXX: we are alienated MrSelfDevelopmnt: I disagree with how human nature is MrSelfDevelopmnt: right...we are alienated MrSelfDevelopmnt: and that is what we should learn growing up XXXXX: by the process of socialization MrSelfDevelopmnt: how to overcome our self-centeredness MrSelfDevelopmnt: and become human MrSelfDevelopmnt: socialization is a problem...definitely MrSelfDevelopmnt: we become consumers..producers MrSelfDevelopmnt: and live for the weekend XXXXX: we are made neurotic MrSelfDevelopmnt: it's a shame MrSelfDevelopmnt: in a way...but also we let ourselves being made that way MrSelfDevelopmnt: unconsciosuly..but nevertheless MrSelfDevelopmnt: that is why is is important to gain full conscienceness MrSelfDevelopmnt: and become aware XXXXX: yes it is a shame . but if we can grow and be mature we can understand that we need to love life MrSelfDevelopmnt: absolutely XXXXX: i think thats why depression is so terrible . we dont' love life . people hate it so much that they kill their selves MrSelfDevelopmnt: I could not have put that better myself XXXXX: many people hate life MrSelfDevelopmnt: they are conditioned in a bad way, and they let themselves being conditioned MrSelfDevelopmnt: I have found that out MrSelfDevelopmnt: I feel like a spokesperson for live.... XXXXX: some of it biological too MrSelfDevelopmnt: right XXXXX: i feel ok today after to talking to you . you motivated me to try and love life . i hope i can do it well . that is live today well MrSelfDevelopmnt: excellent MrSelfDevelopmnt: I feel honored to be able of help to you MrSelfDevelopmnt: good luck and thanks XXXXX: its a slow process . MrSelfDevelopmnt: right MrSelfDevelopmnt: but a process nevertheless MrSelfDevelopmnt: continuously moving forward |
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