and i am tired
not simply with the weariness of staying up late
or having a cold
not only of the winter chill
and too hot opposite
but even more of my minds wanderings that lead to nowhere
but this deep confusion that i have dug myself into

what lies ahead of me
i can see the future lives and loves others
but what about me
i see nothing
i feel nothing
and my mind can't quite dare to whisper
the other that sounds like
i am nothing...
but not

and so i smile madly
at myself
and whisper other words
which lost their meanings long ago
but are supposed to help lift the spirit
on this first of firsts morning
before i take my tiredness
and go to bed
GO TO BED