“Take this book,” said Toni as she handed me a copy of Women’s Reality by Anne Wilson Schaef. Toni had a box full of the books. Toni was always teaching me new things and I was grateful for the book; however, I did not have time to read it just then. I gave it to my friend Pam.
Pam called me nearly every day to read parts of the book to me. The work explained so much that we’d found puzzling in our lives and confirmed so much of what we were learning in our anti-racism community work. Things about time, money, space, and power. I think she read nearly the entire book to me.
After that I continually looked for books by Anne Wilson Schaef. When Society Becomes An Addict fit right in once again with the anti-racism work I was doing and I used pieces of both books often when I made various presentations.
Then I almost moved to Boulder Colorado and was excited that maybe I’d live in the same town as Anne Wilson Schaef and get to meet her and learn more. I hadn’t realized that Anne Wilson Schaef had moved the work to Boulder Hot Springs, Boulder, Montana.
In 1995, while waiting for a mechanic to fix my son’s car so we could go to the shore, I was browsing in a small card shop/book store. There I discovered Beyond Therapy, Beyond Science by Anne Wilson Schaef. I immediately bought it and just couldn’t put it down. I had started a program to earn my Master of Social Work degree and found the book challenging how therapy was done. I loved the book. It spoke to me. I wondered about getting my Master’s degree. The Living in Process and deep work she spoke about made more sense than the clinical training and DSM-IV diagnosing I was learning.
I wrote and got information about how to connect to the work. I learned there were weekend intensives and training. I wondered if I would ever be able to do the training and believed I’d at least be able to go to an intensive.
Just from reading the book, I started doing some of my deep work. Eventually, I got to an intensive. I was newly divorced, in a new community, in a lot of emotional pain. I was looking for anything that would relieve my pain. What I found at my first intensive was an incredible community where I was encouraged to be in touch with my self. What was I feeling? What did I need to do to take care of my self? What was I available to participate in? I was encouraged to stay with my feelings and in a safe way with people around me, to allow my feelings to take me wherever they needed. That the process would produce healing. I was encouraged to say where I was in my life and what was happening in my life and others in the group gave feedback, but only if I wanted to hear it . . . only if I was available. I was so struck by the love and honesty.
Upon returning home, I found my self doing the deep process work of staying with my feelings. I had some tremendous learning and healing in doing that. I did not always want to do the work and always found healing when I was willing to do the work.
For 6 years, I went to 1-2 intensives each year and stayed in touch with the people I met. I am clear that I could not work the way I work nor be in relationships the way I can today without this work.
In July 2002, I realized my long-held dream of joining the Living In Process training community in Boulder Montana. I felt like I’d given my self a huge gift! The interesting thing was that Anne Wilson Schaef was on sabbatical and I didn’t think I’d get to meet her, but by that time I knew that while she is a woman of great wisdom and the guide for the work, that many others also participated. And lo and behold, she did come for part of the time I was there and I did get to meet her. To me, she is an amazing, wise woman.
Living in Process to me is living in a way that is authentic to my soul and respectful of others. I am so grateful to have this work in my life.
e-mail me if you’d like to know more: city47girl@yahoo.com or visit the Living in Process link.
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