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Sassychero's Pages

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Island of Discovery
Music files, web design, and pages of humor.  You go, girl!!!
It's an imaginary island with delightful scenery.  A place of peace where every wish can be granted.
CFS FMS FUN STUFF
OUR SURVIVAL GUIDE
Be Professional!!! Wear a white lab coat to doctors office.

"Those spiderwebs?" That's a craft project. When they get thick enough I'll spray them with clear paint and use for knick-knacks.

Dog self-feeder - Drop bag of dry dog food on ground. Teach them to jump on it to tear bag.

Clean kitchen floors - only a matter of time until dripping faucet overflows the sink.

Be Festive!!! Apply dog hair clumps to socks with glitter glue.

When bill collectors call... tell them they'd have more luck getting blood from a turnip then money from you. Give them the number of dial a prayer.

Make your home a "No Molestation Zone"- ie: sign on door saying "This is my home, if you come into it you are playing by MY RULES...if you hurt, abuse, malign or generally make a nuisance of yourself, you will be buried in the backyard with the other offenders (of course I don't have anyone in the backyard but fools ringing your doorbell don't need to know that)

Go to grocery store in your pajamas and robe...when people look at your funny tell them your house burned down last night.

Never return phone calls (of annoying callers) until it's been a good two weeks. Explain to them you've been on an extended mental vacation and just didn't want to take their call. (bet they dont call back next time).

If your a good looking woman and men annoy you when you go places...drool and pick your nose when they approach you.

If they succeed in getting to the asking you out phase...tell them you must be courted for two years before you will consider a kiss...but then if they win your heart you do have one thing in common with Monica Lewinsky that might make their trouble worthwhile...stand back and watch them fall all over themselves.

Use different messages on your answering machine to annoy offensive callers, "This is the Society for the Prevention of Annoyance, leave a message and we may get back to you if we deem you are not annoying".

Go to your docs appts and any appts with a tape recorder...explain to folks that with your memory problems, you simply must have this as an aid...(obvious side benefits to this is no one will try to mess with you if you have it on tape).

Ask your doctor to place a "do not  give chemicals without permission sticker" on your file.

Call the United Way and Red Cross and ask them how they can justify the huge salaries of their employees when they haven't helped the folks they were supposed to yet...You will know you reached your goal here when they put your call on auto-disconnect.

Not asked to dance? Pretend you have a cold, put giant glob of Vaseline on end of your nostril, then ask HIM to dance........This also works well in food market too, ask the gentleman out to dinner that evening...Note the shock in their eyes as they edge away from you, WHY this is the fight or flight response seen in panic disorder!!!

Hug the person behind you in the supermarket check out line...EXTRA POINTS - Cry and tell them all your troubles.

Apply lipstick as usual, ONLY outside around your mouth.

Enclose a SASE in all the relatives Christmas cards, ask them to return five dollars.

Stuff a towel in back your leggings for an even bigger butt, see if they notice.
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