Lisa
Ok, so are we all
agreed that Marie is nuts? Good, as
long as there's a consensus.
Anyhow...I'm sure you've guessed by now that he comes with us...after
all, if he stayed it wouldn't be much of a phan phic, would it? But I digress (cause it's fun) here we go,
you will witness the processes involved in getting a Phantom to follow you home
(it involves an extensive use of the sad puppy look) and you will journey into
Erik's first experiences in the twentieth century, including Steel
Magnolias and the wonderful psychotic episodes induced by stubborn
PCs...don't ask...
Completely unaware of
Marie's plans, I stood and watched the sunset from my favorite vantage, the
best in all Paris, the roof of the Opera.
I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye, and turned, surprised to
see Erik at the other end of the roof.
I waved to him. "Konban wa Erik-san!"
He looked slightly startled but recovered by the time I made my way over to him. "Konban wa Lisa-san…a beautiful sunset."
"Yup." I agreed, sitting on the roof to watch. I patted the stone next to me. "You know, the only sunsets I've ever seen that could equal these were in Colorado."
After a moment's hesitation he lowered himself to sit next to me. "Where is, 'Colorado'…is it another state?"
"Indeed, it's toward the middle of the U.S…most of it's on the East side of the Rockies. They have some of the most beautiful sunsets there." I said wistfully…sunsets always make me a little homesick.
"Do you miss it?"
I looked over at him. "What, Colorado?"
He nodded.
"A bit, but I've moved so often that I'm not homesick in the traditional sense…I'm not under the impression that I could go back there and have things be exactly the same. I guess I miss a certain time in Colorado, certain people, a certain way of life, not the place itself." Why I was explaining my own brand of homesickness to Erik, I didn't know, but I felt good when he nodded in understanding.
"You have left your home many times then?" He asked thoughtfully.
I had no idea why he would be asking. (But hey, whenever I get to talk about all the times I've moved, there's no stopping me.) That was probably just as well, it would be better to let him think it out than try to convince him. "Well, I haven't really considered anywhere home for too long…I mean, I haven't lived in one house or apartment for more than two years at a stretch. I've gotten to the point when wherever most of my belongings are is home. I think it's easier if you can make a home anywhere…I always felt sorry for the kids at school who got homesick, but I never really understood it myself. So you couldn't really call moving leaving home, more like going home. Anyhow enough of me waxing philosophical, next thing you know I'll be saying 'Gargoyle must not fight gargoyle!'"
Erik chuckled a bit. (We had introduced him to the show Gargoyles, so now he understood a lot more of the weird remarks Marie and I made.) "I believe, 'A gargoyle can no more stop protecting the castle than breathing the air' would have been more appropriate given the conversation."
It was my turn to laugh. "Probably…so what's up? You don't come up here very often."
"Wandering aimlessly and thinking." He heaved a big heartfelt sigh and looked out at the sunset.
"Sounds like some heavy pondering, would you like me to leave so you can get to it?"
"No."
"Oh, good, I like harassing you."
Erik gave a rarely seen half-smile. "As long as you find me an interesting subject for harassment."
"Oh I do, so you want to share your ponderings? Anything deep and philosophical?" I asked, looking at him speculatively.
"Marie asked me to accompany the two of you back to the year 2000."
"Naaaarf."
Erik gave me a quizzical look.
"Sorry, explicative of surprise and happiness."
Another half-smile, I was on a roll. "Might I inquire what that is from?"
"Oh, just your basic TV show about two lab mice bent on world domination, you'd like it." I replied, debating whether or not to regale him with the ponderings of Pinky.
"Lab mice?"
"Yup...named Pinky and the Brain, ...they're twilight campaign is easy too explain. To prove their mousey worth they'll overthrow the earth, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Narf!" I sang, badly.
"Somehow I'm sorry I asked."
"Now I'm all hurt and veclempt...sniff, sniff...(best Coffee Talk accent)...Talk amongst yourselves...I'll give you a subject, the Industrial Revolution was neither industrial nor a revolution....discuss..."
"The what revolution?"
"Never mind."
"Alright, what do you say we go downstairs, Marie's cooking and I would prefer the opera not burn down."
"Sounds like an emergency to me."
****
Amazingly nothing was burned and it was actually quite good. (Scary huh?)
So, over Cornish hens, Erik told us his decision.
"I've decided that if you two are still agreeable, I would like very much to accompany you to your home in the 21st century."
"Now we so happy we do the dance of joy!" Marie exclaimed in her best Balki Bartokamus voice, as we both leapt from our chairs. It was probably the first time in history that the Phantom of the Opera ever had 2 American girls do-si-doe-ing in his lair. His face said as much. (His best version of the 'what the fuck look'....which is the look on a person's face when they are thinking, "What the fuck?")
"What?" Marie and I said in stereo.
"Marie, I don't think he's ever witnessed the dance of joy."
"My god he's deprived!" Marie exclaimed emotionally.
"Well, we'll fix that." I laughed maniacally.
Erik sat back in his chair. "Perhaps I should rethink this."
"Oh no, your stuck with us now." I said happily.
"Oh, really? Well, I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Awww!" We exclaimed.
"Group hug!" Marie cried.
****
It was several days before our scheduled departure and I was explaining one of my favorite shows (and Marie's too) Crocodile Hunter, to Erik. Since it was only about 8 am I was left to do all the explaining. (Marie tries not to see the light of day until the day's half over)
"If the man doesn't actually hunt crocodiles, why call him the crocodile hunter?"
"It's kind of a mystique thing…he's from Australia and hunting crocs is a stereotype a lot of people have about Australians. At any rate he has a really cool accent."
"So what does he do on this show?" Erik still seemed a bit puzzled so I felt that perhaps a demonstration was in order.
(By the way, this is in my best Australian, croc hunter accent) "The older lion looks puzzled by one of the younger generation who has approached him."
Erik looked very puzzled at this point.
"Basically they go
out and record what animals are doing and interject their own
commentary." I paused as I heard
the door to the spare bedroom crack open.
"Here, I'll show you"
The lioness emerges slowly from her den. She squints into the bright sunlight and, spotting the cameraman, emits a low growl. We will now witness her morning rituals, including grooming. She begins by raking her claws through her reddish mane (So I have short hair and I’m a little jealous, Marie’s got hair, brown with reddish highlights, down to her hips…I have hair that barely covers my neck…but anyway)
"The lioness is gonna maim the camera man if he doesn't shut up."
The Crocodile Hunter
feels no fear as he levels his tranquilizers at the irate lioness. The lioness is snarling again but fails to
realize she is not nearly as intimidating as she imagines.
"The Crocodile hunter will find his new Jncos in the bottom of the lake if he doesn't knock it off."
The Crocodile Hunter
always knows when to retreat…