MEET THE FEET By Kristi
	Phew! Man, your feet reek! Why is your second toe larger than your big toe? These are all questions asked when referring to one’s feet. In mostly pure disgust, women tend to make these comments of feet positive by painting the nails, wearing ankle bracelets, and wearing toe-rings.   Painting one’s toenails or wearing foot jewelry is almost as worthless as trying to bend water. Feet are one of the ugliest body parts we have, so why draw even more attention to them? I have painted my nails and worn jewelry around my ankles over a million times, but never really had a logical explanation. Like a deceased pet, no matter how hard one tries to make the appearance appealing, painting the toes does not work. My feet every now and then smell as bad as this deceased animal, but that’s beside the point.   Noticing somebody’s toes is like being a heart surgeon. You perceive it’s there, but it just wants to make you sick. Confusion is my best friend, considering the irony of this situation. Not only is this for the females, but the males! Many males have painted their nails also. Although they are considered as “fairies”, I honestly hope they are not trying to be a magnet for other males. This proves that weird feet can affect both sexes and the way you are looked at or may be judged.   The worst foot ever is that of an athlete. One word, Barf! Sweat builds on those toes like sugar on a sucker. They’re just about as sticky, too. After practice, you take a whiff and your leave. Staying around the locker room is not an option. Who will look at your gorgeous feet now? Nobody can stand the smell!   All this talk of painting the toes reminds me of a personal story. I was going on a date, so what did I do to impress my date? And we have a genius! I polished my nails. He noticed right off the bat, but struck-out. A girl can be very sensitive about her feet, but I understand and have learned to accept the fact that my feet are hideous and stink. Most feet are like farts after gulping down an excessive bowl of chili. They both smell like poo.   So why do we beautify our feet? Like dum-dums, nobody really has an intelligent response. Drawing even more attention to something so revolting as our feet takes the IQ of a rock. Reasons for this act remain an unsolved obscurity.