Eight Reasons Why I Threw a Firecracker into the Toliet My: Noah Percy
	1. I wanted to draw attention to myself. 2. An ignored ADHD diagnosis. 3. A manifestation of deep-seated frustrations with my emotionally retarted parents. 4. A manifestation of deep-seated frustrations with my status as a sixteen-year-old virgin. 5. My family is extremely wealthy and spoils me, so I can destroy material items without  consequence. 6. I feel worthless much of the time, and vandalism gives me a fleety sense of empowerment. 7. Blowing up a toilet is objectively funny. 8. Maybe someone will put me in therapy now.
			From the book "The Wessex Papers: Just Falls Volume 1".
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