The Real Hard Part
By ajm
Saying goodbye was never
one of Jess Harper’s strong suits, even though he’d been a drifter since the
age of sixteen. He’d gotten used to leaving and moving on—often ending earlier
chapters in his life with just a note of thanks on the kitchen table, or a
handshake. Not this time.
Jess swiveled his bare
feet over the edge of the bed looking at the white morning sun light shining in
the Boarding House’s second floor window and reflected on the past few
weeks. It was a rare occasion that an
individual made an impression on him so much so that, when parting company, he
felt like he was slicing out a chunk of himself and leaving it behind. Seems he’d been dealt a run of them
lately-- ever since he came to Rock Springs.
First, a friend from way
back, Vic Stoddard, had written a letter summoning Jess from the Sherman Ranch
near Laramie, Wyoming, his home all of eight months. In response, Jess departed almost immediately, arriving in Rock
Springs that evening, only to be welcomed by the obituary of the very friend
he’d come to help.
Unhappy that any justice
had been served, he’d sought to find the culprit who cavalierly put an end to
Vic’s life. There he found another
individual that changed his life; Tully Hatch, the sheriff who settled the
matter. He took a cautious liking to
him right off. In Hatch, Jess saw an admirable man, one who was strong in his
convictions, one who knew the law and how to enforce it, and one who needed a
hand.
Jess reluctantly pushed
himself off the mattress, stood and stretched. The cool morning air caused him
to shiver. Rubbing his hands over his arms and bare chest, he padded his way
over the cold floorboards to the wash sink.
Something shining on the dresser caught his eye. It was his deputy star throwing off the
morning beams.
Hatch…Jess had volunteered to assist him as deputy. In so doing, he’d let his guard down and
really took a shinin’ to him. Looked up
to him like a father or older brother…and just like a lot of things that get
put high on a pedestal, came crashin’ down on him--hard. Hatch’d made a mistake; fell for the wrong
kind of woman—as if there was a right kind-- left his senses and the law
he’d served for so long and threatened to leave off with all the towns people’s
money. Although Hatch hadn’t robbed the
bank, personally, he did get too close to the spoils—just close enough to catch
paper-gold fever, and try to light off with it--forty-two thousand dollars- and
a lady to spend it on. Shattered, Jess
caught him, stopped him, and in self-defense, shot him dead. His funeral was two weeks ago.
Seems like it’s been
ages. He thought. And yet
it seemed like his ears were still ringing from his gun firing the bullet into
Hatch’s chest.
The young deputy
ruminated before splashing water onto his whisker-shadowed face. Hatch had lived honorably for his entire
life and spent the last part as the town’s protector. Upon paying his last respects, Jess silently vowed to take the
secret with him to his own grave.
Thanks to Jess Harper,
the people of Rock Springs bid a hero’s farewell to Tully Hatch and would
memorialize him in that light. The
decision wasn’t one that would ever make him smile, but one that let him face
his reflection in the mirror.
Today, another good-bye
awaited Jess. As he brought the towel
to his face to catch the drips of wash water he thought about the woman he’d
come to know as simply ‘Ma’, the woman who owned and ran the boarding
house. The same woman who brought him
clean towels and wash clothes, sat across the table from him as he read the
morning flier during breakfast, filled him with lemonade and biscuits, and held
his arm to and from church…and for whom he was proud and pleased to carry
groceries and run the occasional errand.
Although she looked after
all of her boarders as ‘family’, somewhere along the line, Jess had become
family. Likewise, she’d become
his. Ma deserved more than a note with
a key upon checking out. He’d miss
her.
***
The lump that had formed
in his throat began to swell as he treaded heavily onto the wooden steps of the
porch. Ma sat with her shawl wrapped
around her shoulders, in the chair closest to the screen door; her white hair
catching the gilded pink hues of the strong morning sun.
She looked up
and smiled naturally as she did whenever
greeting the handsome dark haired young man.
“Daisies?” Her gray eyes beamed at the picture that had
just walked up to her. “Why…this is the
earliest time o’ day that a man’s ever come to my porch a-courtin’!’
With a clean-shaven
half-grin, Jess shrugged and presented his humble bouquet. ‘Just wanted to to say ‘Thanks-you.’ Sorry. It’s all I could come up with. Wish
they could be roses and box of chocolates or something fancy. I’d like to do
something special for all you’ve done for me these past couple of months.“
“Lettin’ an ol’ lady like
me tag around on your arm is payment enough.
Besides. I’m more of the daisy type.
Roses are pretty particular about where they grow. Daisies shoot up just
about anywhere and when they do, they make wherever they are a might
brighter! That’s pretty special
if you ask me.”
“I reckon so.”
“Now, I have something
for you. ‘ She disappeared into
the house behind a slam of the screen door and returned, carrying a bulging
satchel made of canvass and leather.
Pleased with her decision, Ma handed it to him.
Hesitantly, Jess took it
and began to look it over. “It’s a
mighty fine bag.” He peered at the bag, examining the grain of canvass; heavy,
well worn, and beautiful. His smile
dropped to a look of concern. “But…Ma…I
don’t know when I’ll be back to return this--.”
She hushed him with a
wave of her hand. “Don’t need to return
it…”
“You mean for me to
keep this?”
“It’s still plenty
sturdy…lots of good wear left.
Shouldn’t be too heavy…you think?”
“Oh no it’s just right—I
expect it’ll come in real handy. It’s
just..”
“Somethin’ wrong, Boy?”
He shook his head. “Its …well it’s just about the nicest thing
anyone’s ever given me.”
Her arms folded over one
another as she took enjoyment in Jess’ surprised response. ‘It was my husband, Clive’s. I used to pack it full…he’d take it with him
wherever he went—he’d be gone for long bouts at a time. He said it was like
takin’ a little of me along.”
‘You sure you want to
part with it?” Jess asked
thoughtfully.
She nodded
affirmatively. “Barely ever saw it home
when he was livin’. Never liked it
hangin’ around the house after he died.
Just served as a reminder of what wasn’t comin’ home anymore.”
“I’ll take good care of
it.’” His smile widened then faded a
little as he caught her gaze.
The woman’s gray eyes
welled for the second time since he’d met her.
The first was at Hatch’s funeral.
‘I know you will.”
He moved to look in the
bag.
“Don’t bother. It’s only some applesauce cookies and a
canteen of lemonade.”
“Thought I smelled
somethin’ bakin ‘ when I woke up this mornin’.
Judgin’ from the size of the bag I might even have some to share with
Andy and Jonesy when I get back to Laramie. “
“What about poor
Slim? From what you tell me, he
deserves something for lettin’ you set foot off the ranch.” More than a boarder, Jess had become her
right hand man. She could only imagine
how Slim must’ve counted on him to handle an entire ranch and relay station as
well.
“I reckon he can have a
crumb or two.”
“Better give him more
than a crumb—I have to make peace with him for keepin’ you so long.” Her voice was weakening.
He chuckled quietly to
maybe give them both a little extra measure of strength. “You didn’t need to go to all this
trouble.”
“No trouble at all…not
when it’s someone care about and—.” The
words could no longer get beyond her throat. Her head bowed in surrender to her
heavy tears. Jess felt his arms open
and slide around her trembling shoulders, as she fell into his comforting
embrace. After a few sobs, she sniffed
together some composure and wiped at her tears. “Sorry Jess, didn’t mean for that to happen. Hoped it
wouldn’t…guess I knew it would.
Expected you’d be wantin’ to get back home soon enough.”
“No
need to apologize, Ma.” The word ‘home’ resonated in the wrinkles of Jess’ brain a while, as he held her tight.
Through squinting red eyes, she looked up at him.
“Those folks your goin’
back to---kinda like family, ain’t they?”
She’d observed from the many stories he’d told her, remembering how
astonished she was when he’d revealed that he’d lived there just less than a
year.
“Guess you could say
that.” If the truth were told they were
his family, and the Sherman Ranch was fast taking the place of the call of the
great wide open as his home. Something
inside him couldn’t wait to see them again. He gingerly slung the strap of the
canvass bag over his shoulder watching Ma struggle to hold on to her
smile. “Think you could get a letter
off to Laramie Relay Station now and then?”
Ma never passed up the
chance to kid a little. “If I have the time…”
“Why, I thought a woman your
age had all kinds of time.” Jess returned in kind with a grimace and a
twinkle in his eyes that gave him away.
Ma was the busiest woman he’d ever met, young or old; always mending and
tending to something or somebody. Smart too, and bullet-quick with a
phrase.
She took a step back.
‘You know…the sparkle in those blue eyes….could bring any diamond to jealous
tears….” Her lips pursed as she
swallowed against a dry throat. “I’ll
miss you, Jess.”
“Ah. You’re likely to forget about me before
those daisies gone.”
“Most likely. One tumbleweed’s about the same as the
next…no matter how tight they wear their britches. ” She teased, her eyes brightened as, arm in arm, they made their
way to his horse. “Still…it’s a shame to see you go. This town has youngsters that could learn a thing or two from a
sheriff like you.’
He corrected her with a
shake of his head. “Only deputy. That’s all I ever aimed to be was Deputy.”
She shrugged, not about
to give up on her argument. “Could
be Sheriff—if you wanted it to be.
Rock Springs’ Sheriff Office has some mighty big shoes to fill.” They both looked down the street at the new
man wearing a silver star who threw them a morning wave before entering the
town’s five-cell jail. “No doubt in my
mind you could fill ‘em. “
“I’ve known Charlie
Barnes for quite a spell before he came.
I only worked with him a little over a week now but… I’m sure he’ll keep things in line just fine
‘til someone can come along permanent….and if I remember right, his boots are
pretty good sized too.”
She looked speculatively
at the twinkle of regret in his eyes as Jess stared at the lock-up building for
a lingering moment. ‘Takin on as deputy
…it’s done somethin’ to you, hasn’t it?’
Breaking his gaze, Jess
shook his head. “What d’ya mean, Ma?”
‘You’re takin’ somethin’
with you…something you didn’t come with….ever since you came back from findin’
Hatch dead. Oh, no doubt that changes a
man –but there’s more to it isn’t there?
You’ve got something heavy weighin’ on your mind…like maybe a …a secret
or somethin—“
A moment of decision had
come. Ma deserved to know the truth
about Hatch. No doubt she would
understand and let the sludge settle beneath the still waters of a creek running
deep. The question is would she want to know? Did she need to know?
He felt a heavy sigh clear his chest.
If she ever found out Jess was holdin’ out on her about the truth of
Tully Hatch, the hurt would fold her over worse than an arrow in the heart.
“Ma, I better tell you
somethin’—it ain’t easy to tell, and it ain’t gonna be easy to take. Only one other soul knows about it and she’s
gone for good. Nobody else needs to know--
or wants to… ”
“Jess.” Ma’s warm wrinkled hand gently quieted his
lips then rested against his cheek.
“Did you make a promise to someone?”
He slumped at the woman’s
insight. “Only to myself. Didn’t
promise anybody else anything.”
Her hand dropped to his
as she took it and patted it firmly. “Then, you keep it.” Her grip tightened as she added. “That’s a mighty important person
you have to stay on good terms with….”
Maybe there was a
‘right kind’ of woman, after all.
No more to say now. It was time for good-bye. As she kissed his cheek, he felt a tear pressed
between them. This was the real hard
part.
Jess let his eyes do the
talkin’ rather than a voice he couldn’t trust at the moment. Bye Ma. He returned a tender peck to her soft
creased temple. A few heartbeats later, he mounted his ready horse.
“Bye, Jess. Come by some time and have that satchel
filled?”
A quick remark came to
him and lifted the corners of his mouth.
“If I have the time...”
“A fella your age…better
make the time.” Ma
cautioned although she was fairly certain that someday, someway the young
cowboy would in deed.
“I’ll do that.” With a
wink and smile, Jess tipped his hat, turned, and rode away a little sadder than
when he rode in to Rock Springs---kinda felt like he was leavin’ home again. But, a little happier too--kinda felt
like…he was headed home…again.
That’s
It!
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