S.K.I.T.A. Of The Week

What is S.K.I.T.A. you ask? S.K.I.T.A. is an acronym for Swift Kick In The Ass. On this page, once a week, I'll single out an individual or group that needs a S.K.I.T.A. badly. Please note that it is pronounced skee-tah, not skit-tah. Enjoy.

The S.K.I.T.A. for the week of January 27th to February 2nd. This week we have two co-winners. The S.K.I.T.A. goes to... France and Germany, for their dimwitted view on possible war with Iraq. Yes, both these nations, who have seen devastation and suffering brought by a psychotic ruler in the last 60 years (See Hitler, Adolf) have used that wonderful tactic which worked so well in WW2, that of appeasement. Last time I checked, we had to liberate France from the Germans because their entire nation was taking over in about 47 minutes. And now they're spitting into the wind. But you know what they say. Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it...

The S.K.I.T.A. for the week of February 3rd to February 9th. This week we return to the single winner. Or loser, depending on your perspective. The S.K.I.T.A. goes to...Michael Jackson. I didn't watch the show (I'm glad I didn't) but from what I've heard and read, he's admitted a few things that warrent a kick in the ass. First, he says he "sleeps" with children in his bed, tucking them in. One of the boys he's "slept" with was Macauley Caulkin. Does anyone else think he wasn't screaming because he was Home Alone? Second, he said he dangled his baby because the crowd asked to see him. Thank goodness they didn't ask to hold it...Last, he says he's never had any plastic surgery. WOW! You could've fooled me. I guess black people just turn white after 15 years. He's now pulling even with former President Bill Clinton for most people lied to in a single interview. Way to go, Mike.

The S.K.I.T.A. for the week of February 10th to February 16th. This week's award goes to...The Simpsons. Don't get me wrong, I love the Simpsons as much as the next guy (maybe more) but it's just not funny anymore. I watched this weekends' 300th episode hoping they'd at least make this one funny. Instead I was treated to yet another episode with a nonsensical repeat plot. Homer's branded a bad parent, so Bart gets free. Hello! This already happened once! And that episode was a helluva lot funnier. Yet again, we're forced to put up with "celebrity" "guest stars." Why the hell are they in every episode now? It's one of the problems dragging this icon through the mud. I remarked to my roommate during the second incredibly humorless episode "Put it down." It's time for the Simpsons to go, before it ruins its place in TV history.

The S.K.I.T.A. for the week of February 17th to February 23rd. In honor of Grammy's week, the awards go to...Various Protesting Stars! Yes, we now have expert commentary on war from people like Fred Durst, who once wrote a song revolving around slang for the female genetalia. What an expert. Sheryl Crow, who isn't even bright enough to move her hair out of the way of her NO WAR guiter strap. It looked like WAR all night. I guess she soaked up a little too much sun... And then there was Marshall "Violence?Me?!" Mathers back up band wearing a T-shirt of President Bush saying American Psycho. If Bush is a psycho, what does that make Saddam, the fairy Godmother?? I'll bet that if you asked these performers who Bush was in 1997, they'd have said the band responsible for the song "Glycerine". Please. Write songs, stop talking.

The S.K.I.T.A. for the week of February 24th to March 2nd. The S.K.I.T.A. of the week went down to the wire this week. The KKK, always good for one, almost won. But this week's award goes to...The U.S. Appeals Court, for it's decision to ban "under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance. Now, I would never enforce my beliefs on anyone, but this is absurd. The two words, under God, are offensive, and cause psychological damage to atheist children? So how come I don't get millions of dollars in lawsuit money when an atheist says they don't believe in God? Where's my free check? I'm sooo hurt by that! And then there's the schmuck who came up with this suit in the first place. He wonders if Christians would like saying "One Nation, under David Caresh". Who the hell is David Caresh? Is that like David Caruso's alias? And finally, the one piece of proof that shows how ridiculous this is: In a landmark decision, the Senate voted 99-0 in favor of the pledge. Democrats and Republicans agree 100%?! What's next, Sharon and Arafat sharing a drink? If politicians can agree on this, it probably should be left alone. And if anyone wants to be my lawyer in my case of McDaniel Vs. Hypocrisy, give me a call.

UT 2003 Me, having...um...disposed of the S.K.I.T.A.'s will escort you back to the previous page. Please go quickly and quietly.