Our beliefs. Stupid as they may be.

Our beliefs are very stupid. But stupid as they are, they are also the building blocks for modern society. And a dodgy, non-existent society at that. RENT lovers of the world, UNITE!! Wait, that sounds a bit communist. Forget that. How about: Get a real job, Joe King!!!!! Much better. Ok, Yudge smells. Nothing anyone says or does will be able to change this. He did have a brief encounter with some hard-line enemy deodourant (I'm looking at you, Lynx) but though the battle was won, the war was far from over. Just look what his smell did to one of our finest agents last week:

Agent Joanne was one of our top infiltrators. She was almost as brave as the Pizza boy/girl Nick. When the call for someone to go in and make Yudge smell nice was put out, she gallantly volunteered. Nick would have, but s/he was recovering from a completely burnt off face following a bad incident with a Pizza from Athur's. Anyway, Joanne was armed with the latest K-mart deodourant and was expected to get top honours for this act above and beyond the call of duty. As the photo shows, however, things went horribly, horribly, wrong. His stench was so powerful that it attached itself to her face and proceeded to grow without warning. There was nothing anyone could do. Gianni the Barber tried desperately to make it seem more normal, but all even his master hands could do was turn it into a bad, 1980's freakshow, beard. Joanne has gone into hiding, and with good reason. Poor girl. She had so much going for her. She was even going out with Hatsnacki. Now she is but a mere shadow of her former self. WE WILL AVENGE YOU, JOANNE!!!

OK, our second belief is that there is no finer cheese that Jarlsberg. Just ask the fine fellows at the Cheeselovers Inc. company. Anything else they tell you is a filthy lie. And don't try and get E-mail with them, either. They will love you and leave you to die. Jarlsberg had his humble beginings (does that have another n?) in a country that nobody has any idea exists. Maybe Finland. Who knows. But Jarlsberg does not talk of his past often. Actually, being a cheese, Jarlsberg doesn't really speak at all. He does sing, however. A fine song about this glorious cheese shall be up here soon enough. And now, recently revivied, a small piece of evidence leading to Jarlsberg's past:

This is Jarlsberg in his natural habitat.

Well that's about enough.. There will be more of our beliefs soon, but for now, goodbye!

Speak to us.

GO HOME!!!!

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