With the time available to me in the week between my encounter and my impending date I got to thinking. In Abstinence and The Suburbs Vol. 1 we determined that the search for a girlfriend was comparable to that of an apartment. So as I prepared for my first first date in many months I noticed striking similarities to yet another activity I had the misfortune of engaging in often over the past summer, interviewing for a job. However in this case I was applying for the open position of boyfriend.
When my old job (relationship) was not working any longer and I wanted a future with said company (girl) and discovered the company was not ready to provide that kind of job security, both parties realized we were headed on very different paths. In order to correct this problem, I gave my two weeks notice and re-entered the world of the unemployed. So I was back in the land of the singles and let me tell you, the minimal job market seems as vast as the Pacific Ocean in comparison to the miniscule puddle of available women in the burbs. So with time on my side and the current need for a job unnecessary, I had time to decide what company would be the best fit for my future. I needed a job that did not require much experience to avoid comparisons to too many previously employees. There must be the potential for a long-term career, at least until there are more available jobs on the market. Finally, the work must always be interesting and keep me engaged. I knew what I wanted and finally found a job at a company I felt was more of a fit than my previous one.
Like usual, I knew it was important to use my resources to accumulate as much information as possible. Talking to friends, I got their feedback on the company, how they treated ex-employees while they still worked for the company, and what the fringe benefits the company may offer while I was an employee. The last thing I wanted to do was get stuck working for a company that didn't appreciate me again! As I learned more and more about this new company, I felt confident that this was definitely a place that would be well suited to my attitude and needs.
Normally, now would be the time to be proactive and get an interview, but I was fortunate to already have scheduled one over a few beers just a few days prior, as mentioned earlier. So I moved on to the preparation for the big interview. In college, I was taught that it is imperative you have three funny and witty stories to share with the interviewer. The stories should convey what would make you the best candidate for your vacant position, especially highlighting what you possess that prior employees did not have. I remembered three stories that I felt would make me seem smart, capable, and funny. All these traits are admirable by any company so I felt there was little that could go wrong. I did remember the biggest cardinal rule of interviews; don't lie too much about your background. If I get the job and one day after a liquid lunch get myself in a drunken stupor admit the truth, there is a high likelihood I would hear what Donald Trump likes to say "You're Fired" and then I would be looking for yet another new job.
The big day had finally arrived and it was time for my interview. Contrary to most days I was forced to shower, shave, and wear my Sunday best. Coincidentally enough, the interview actually took place on a Sunday. As the meeting progressed I was barraged with a myriad of questions that seemed all too familiar. How many companies have you worked for in the past, why is there a two-year gap in your resume when you didn't work for any companies, and where do you see yourself (and by that, she meant us) in five years?
The interview went well, but I left unsure of how to proceed from there. While the jury is still out, there are some truths I would like to share with you. No matter how much you try to impress your new company during the honeymoon period your true self will always come out. It is inevitable that the shirts and ties will give way to jeans and sweaters (ok, I'm preppy and that's the least I'll go, but more power to you if you want to wear a t-shirt), you won't shave before work every day, and you'll likely forget important days like the one month anniversary of your first interview. Just go with the flow and enjoy, and hopefully unlike me you won't be mired in….. Abstinence and the Suburbs.