Deadeye Dick Cheney

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See also:
Dick "Montgomery Burns" Cheney

James Brady, former White House press secretary during the Reagan administration and outspoken gun-control advocate, said Monday in an interview:

"Now I know why Cheney and Chuck Heston keep inviting me to go hunting."

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A spokesperson for the Boone and Crockett Club denied reports that their organization would begin keeping official records on elderly, Republican attorneys taken with shotgun by a sitting Vice-President of the United States.

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Anna Nicole Smith, widowed heiress & former model, announced that she was forming a new advocacy group in response to the Vice-President's choice of prey. The group, Save Our Sugar Daddies, would provide sanctuary for elderly Texas millionaires, thus assuring upward mobility to future generations of trailer park divas.

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People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) hailed the Vice-President's decision to shoot Republican attorneys rather than cute little birdies. PETA promised that it's new advertising campaign, "Drink Beer & Shoot Lawyers," would bring the message home to the American people.

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The American Bar Association (ABA) decried Cheney actions. A spokesperson for the ABA urged the Vice-President to go back to kicking puppies and kittens and to cease and desist from shooting lawyers.

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Former Vice-President Dan Quayle held a press conference during which he stated that had no plans to go hunting with Cheney - EVER!

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A coalition of activist groups ranging from pro-Tort reform advocates, to MOMs With Guns, to grassroots conservationist groups joined together to applaud Cheney's choice of recreational targets. "After all," a press officer for the hastily formed alliance said, "it will take years and years before hunting pressure has any adverse impact on the number of free-range, Republican attorneys in the US. Hunting is just Mother Nature's way of keeping their numbers in balance with their surroundings."

 

 

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