James Brady, former White House press secretary during the
Reagan administration and outspoken gun-control advocate, said Monday in an interview:
"Now I know why Cheney and Chuck Heston keep inviting
me to go hunting."
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A spokesperson for the Boone and Crockett Club denied reports
that their organization would begin keeping official records on elderly, Republican
attorneys taken with shotgun by a sitting Vice-President of the United States.
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Anna Nicole Smith, widowed heiress & former model, announced that she was forming a
new advocacy group in response to the Vice-President's choice of prey. The group, Save
Our Sugar Daddies, would provide sanctuary for elderly Texas millionaires, thus
assuring upward mobility to future generations of trailer park divas.
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People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) hailed the Vice-President's decision
to shoot Republican attorneys rather than cute little birdies. PETA promised that it's new
advertising campaign, "Drink Beer & Shoot Lawyers," would bring
the message home to the American people.
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The American Bar Association (ABA) decried Cheney actions. A spokesperson for the ABA
urged the Vice-President to go back to kicking puppies and kittens and to cease and desist
from shooting lawyers.
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Former Vice-President Dan Quayle held a press conference during which he stated that
had no plans to go hunting with Cheney - EVER!
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A coalition of activist groups ranging from pro-Tort reform advocates, to MOMs With
Guns, to grassroots conservationist groups joined together to applaud Cheney's choice of
recreational targets. "After all," a press officer for the hastily
formed alliance said, "it will take years and years before hunting pressure has
any adverse impact on the number of free-range, Republican attorneys in the US. Hunting is
just Mother Nature's way of keeping their numbers in balance with their surroundings."
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