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In Loving Memory
Malibu Barbie 2000-2002
She was a huge part of my car and my life.  She travelled everywhere with me, not only because she was tied down to my car, but because she wanted to.  Sadly during a small snow storm she was accidentally decapitated by an ice brush.  I like to think that her skimpy swimsuit during the winter months kept the cold weather away for the most part.  Now that she's gone, it's April and it's 39 degrees.   This page is dedicated to her and the day of her funeral, or as I like to call it, the celebration of her life.
Being a reverend, I myself performed the funeral.  Many many barbie friends were there to share their memories, as were real people.  There were a few guest speakers there, and these are some of the speeches that were read.
Dear Mourners,

No death can be compared with another, but each has led to the loss of life and caused grief and pain.
When a barbie is lost somewhere in the world, far away from here, it moves us all.  For every barbie trampled or taken apart by an older brother, there is a little girl crying somewhere.  But when the accident is close at hand, the "far away" suddenly becomes a face, a name, a part of your family.  Questions are raised, to which there can be no adequate answers.  But when death is suddenly right in front of us, is so merciless, so immense, the shock is deep indeed.  But how much greater must that shock be for those who have lost a loved one.
The events of recent weeks may create the impression that our barbies and toys are at the moment being especially afflicted by trouble.  But let us not forget that our barbies are in good condition, for that we can be thankful.  We have the strength to overcome any crisis.  Let us draw even closer together and face the future with courage!
I am Honored to have a few moments to speak on behalf of those of us who were Barbie's friends and coworkers.  I speak on their behalf, but I will not presume to speak for them.  Each of us has our own memories.  This is not an easy thing to do.  It is not a task I ever expected to have.  My heart is broken.  But, before a heart can be broken, it must have felt something wonderful.  Barbie was something very wonderful, indeed.
When we talk to people who need our help, we'll be reminded of her fake plastic smile, and maybe, just maybe, we'll try a bit harder.  May the noises her knees made when she bent them remind us of our need to be truthful, even when stretching the truth or avoiding it, would be quicker.  Her 360 degree head will touch us when we need to face the impossible.  Her barbie ferarri will remind us of the need to hold on to those who are dear to us.  To never put off time spent with those you love.
Barbie would have loved this day.  Her family, her friends all together.  We have found strength in one another.
Goodbye Old Friend, Goodbye
This is what I said at the end of the funeral before we took her shoe box.. i mean casket out to sea.
Two years ago, a friend showed me a short piece she had read at her uncle's funeral.  I read it to barbie and it touched her.  She told me that she hoped somebody would read it at her funeral someday.  I never thought I would live the day to read it, but here is what it said:

I am standing on the seashore.  A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the breeze and starts for the blue ocean.  She is an object of beauty and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sky and the sea mingle in the mist.  Then someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!"
Gone where?  Gone from my sight, that's all.  She is just as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination.  Her diminishment is in me, not in her, and just at that moment when someone at my side says, "There!  She's Gone!" there are other eyes that are watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here! She comes!"

And Barbie, old friend, there is no way you will ever know what an honor, a pleasure and a blessing it was to know you, for a lifetime.  We will forever keep watch on the horizon for a glimpse of your sail, until it is our time to take to sea, knowing it will be your voice saying "Here! They are coming"
Ken's speech was more than overwhelming to those who didn't already know.  He admitted the reason he and barbie never had kids together was because he was gay.  It shocked a few people including Conservative Barbie and Conan O'Brien the Board Game Figure.. 
Every funeral has to have the downsides to speeches, right?  Well I think when Barbie's sister Drunk white trash barbie came up to the podium with a bottle of vodka it really insured her to win the bad speech award.  She went on and on about how people thought Malibu Barbie was so much better than her, but in truth she was a whore like no other.  She also claimed that skipper is Malibu's love child with Kevin Costner.  No one has been able to clarify that so far. 
Eventually, Drunk white Trash barbie's daughter, I'm Gonna Make Something Of Myself Barbie, came up to the podium to try and remove her mother.  There was an intense battle where Drunk White Trash barbie took a blow to her eye.  It looked like she was beat because she was stepping down from the podium.  But it was only to sit on Malibu's casket and show the guests her hoo-hoo dilly.
Eventually, I'm Gonna Make Something of Myself Barbie got her mother to go outside for a cigarette.  During which time I'm Gonna--Myself Barbie made up for her mother's drunken stupor with a beautiful speech about how people make mistakes when emotions run high, but in their heart they feel the same pain as you and me.       Good Save Kid
Mike had given a very sombering speech full of many emotions.  There was a time when we weren't sure if he was going to make it through his speech because he kept lau--crying and breaking down.  I came to his side a few times and he was able to tell the story of barbie.
Barbie with her tiny plastic heart full of giving, her arms that didn't bend, but you know if you needed help, she'd help you lift something.  And Mike's favorite part about barbie he will miss.. is her enormously unproportionate boobs.
Here we all are saying the Lord's prayer and our last goodbyes to our good friend. 

(From L to R) Nikki, Erika, Maria, Margie
Here I am setting Malibu Barbie down into the water for her final voyage. 
Nikki had to hold me back from jumping into the water after Barbie.  Despite being angry at the time, Thank you for not letting go of me Nikki.
Going to that Barbie Dreamhouse in the sky.  I will miss you.