Tony George and Brian Barnhart Announce the 2002
'Last Team Standing' Tour

"Lo, Verily, cast down thine eyes and hear us as we impart tidings of the largess we bestow upon thee, even as the goatherd strikes down the adder while filling his codpiece with hornets! Even as we restrain fiery laser beams from streaming from our eye and obliterating thee, thou unworthy wretches!" MORE
Indy Racing League Chief Steward Brian Barnhart muses on engines, technology, noise efficiency, and other stuff.

"Stay with me, now. An eighteen liter, sandcast block making 650 horsepower at 1800 rpm is going to make an absolutely ungodly sound, a noise completely unknown in human experience. And it's gonna be loud, incredibly loud, insurance claim loud." MORE


IRL Driver Wins IRL Race!

In a dramatic turnaround coming just weeks after the unspeakable happened in Indianapolis, an Indy Racing League driver won the Casino Magic 500 at Texas Motor Speedway Saturday night. "This is a complete vindication of everything I've worked so hard for during the last six years," exclaimed an ecstatic Tony George. MORE


Tony George Accidently Shoots Self in Foot, Hand, Knee, Groin, Other Foot

Potent forces of probability, causality, and fate somehow converged on Tony George Sunday afternoon as he accidently shot himself five times and received painful powder burns from a sixth shot. MORE


Poison Monkeys Burn American Oval Racing Tradition to the Ground, Kill Everyone

The worst fears of the stalwart defenders of American Oval Racing Tradition were confirmed Sunday afternoon when rampaging poison monkeys symbolically burned Indianapolis Motor Speedway to the ground. MORE


Team Menard announces new sponsor-
Big Red Safety Triangle Systems!

Shortly after Greg Ray's performance in this year's Indianapolis 500 came news that Team Menard has arranged new sponsorship with Big Red Safety Triangle Systems.
"Brian Barnhardt actually made the sugggestion initially, and it was an obvious choice from the moment we saw Ray's tenacious off-pace cling to the racing line," explained BRSTS marketing chief Arlo Ainsworth. MORE


Slinky at Indy!

Galles Press Release: Indianapolis, IN, May 25, 2001 -
Galles Racing Car Owner, Rick Galles, announced today that Slinky will be an associate sponsor of the Galles Racing cars driven by Al Unser Jr. and Didier Andre for the remainder of the 2001 season. MORE


Eddie Cheever: "I'm Tired of All of the Comparisons."

Eddie Cheever has clearly grown tired of the inevitable comparisons to history's great drivers. MORE


"Just what pray tell is a Juda Ben Dash Hur anyway,
and who would pay to see him race?"

Construction of a new sewer near the Palatine Hill in Rome has been halted by the discovery of a number of small earthen jars containing fragmented waxed tablets. The interruption of underground construction projects in Rome by archaelogical finds is a common inconvience to modern Romans, but this particular cache, apparently part of the file morgue of the long-defunct Imperial Speed Stadium News, may be of particular interest to LemmingNet readers. MORE


Tony Stewart: Still One of Us?

Tony Stewart has long been an example of all that's right with the Indy Racing League. His humble dirt-track beginnings, success at (and reverence for) Indy, his disdain for right turns and his chosen career path would all seem to make him a prototypical Indy Racing Hero- so why is he making some fans uneasy lately? MORE


Tony George to Request Recount in Florida

In the aftermath of disappointing attendance figures from April's Infiniti Grand Prix of Miami at Homestead Speedway, Indy Racing impresario Tony George has announced his intention to request a formal recount. MORE


Atlanta IRL Race First Sporting Event Visible From Space!

The Indy Racing League broke new ground in the competitive world of sports promotion with an innovative new strategy unveiled during last month's Atlanta 500 Classic at Atlanta Motor Speedway. MORE


Jim Nabors: "I am not Canadian."

"I am not Canadian. I'm not even certain where this rumor started. I am not now, nor to the best of my knowledge have I ever been, a foreigner." MORE


Poison Monkeys infiltrate
Indianapolis Stronghold!

Hordes of armed poison monkeys swarmed through the very heart of American Oval Track Racing Tradition last week, prompting cries of outrage from some of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway's more conservative constituents. MORE


IRL Teams find
Gold Mine in
Race Tourists!

Taking a page from the Russian Aerospace Agency's "space tourist", several Indy Racing teams are actively soliciting "race tourists" as a way to buoy their cash-starved operations. MORE



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