Just a few initial thoughts pertaining to the sports event of the century as it unfolds onto our TV screens and into our consciousness, or just some inane WBK rantings and sad sexist remarks??? 
  
I really didn't think that I was about to be enthralled by the Olympics and was about to hope i could waste 2 weeks by reading my Biography of Andy Warhol(a)but I got more read than I thought and last nite was at a loose and at 2300 hours, wide awake and not wanting to go to bed to get kicked to shit by Dylan I decided to watch the edited highlights of the opening ceremony.......old biddies in wheelchairs and those blokes on stilts that seem to appear at every opening ceremony (and at the Dome too), I'm sure there are only about six of them in the world and they get to do the lot??? 
  
Anyway it was interesting and well done, a bit gushing and totally bored with the competitor entrance although had to be moved by the East Timorese dancing arround like Nobby Stiles after winning the World Cup, the Koreans hand-in-hand (how many to defect??) and the bozo who stuttered his words of the opening speech....Does anyone agree that Kathy Freeman in that tight outfit and gassed back hair looked like a youthful Michael Jackson??  certainly enjoyed the shower she got, was a crackin bit of mechanics...must have cost a bob or two... 
  
Our comentator came out with a myriad of astounding facts...did you know that the Virgin Islands flag represents St Ursula and her 11,000 virgins who fought in the crusades??  the Finnish flag bearer is into heavy metal??  the Equadorian sucre lost 40% of its value in 1999??? and Botswana's motto is 'Let there be rain'??   well fucked if I did!!!! 
  
One thing I did not notice was when the crowd did it's impersonation of the map of OZ (as seen from the sky) there didn't seem to be any sign of Tassie???   bit remiss I say....all in all it was a decent ceremony but a bit long, shame Jaun Antonio's missus is a bit crook and he's had to miss the real stuff and head back to Barcelona...speaking of which Leeds got a real tonking over there this week and could have lost by more...seems that they did miss Viduka after all??? well he didn't do much good for the Aussie footie team (why were they wearing one of Leeds old yellow kits???) as they are knocked out of the competition after two games...no gold there then????  no wonder they want to get the big boys there, don't think UEFA are too happy with that as the Euro's are in the same year and much more important.. 
  
Can't say I agree with Tennis being there or Basketball...apparently the USA team earn more cash together than half of the nations at the Olympics???  not really the amateur ideal eh-ed??  
  
Well after the opening there was the spectacle of the womens triathlon ( didn't get to bed till the wee small hours and tried to phone Cathers twice but seems to be out of town??) and I started to watch and was riveted, no it wasn't the tight costumes and bouncy breasts but the pain and suffering they were going thru, the devotion and athletesism...oh yeah and the erect nipples as they emerged from Sydney Harbour and the view from the motorbike-camera following those pert little botties as they pumped those legs on the bikes, they can pump me anyday  fnarff fnarff......now please tell me that McMahon is a Swiss name????  no way... 
See that Kolobkov has won the Mens Individual Epee...little known fact that 
  
Oh yeah nearly forgot we won a gold on the first day...only won one at Atlanta and allready equalled that so better stop watching now...   what about this geezer with the big feet then, is it just a coincidence that his nose is like the dorsal fin of a Great White Shark...anything to do with his cutting thru the water??/ must admit that I was rooting for him in the relay, anyone who can beat the yanks is ok in my book!!  he does have a big schnozzzer though... 
  
Well it's nearly 1500 and time to switch off the olympics and concentrate on footy with GTFC at Burnley, languishing at the bottom with only 4 points from 6 games, a new manager, no cash for new players and a new stadium in limbo...doesn't look good....went to see them beat Gillingham last week 1-0 and was very lucky to get 3 points, lost at home to Bolton on tuesday nite. Not happy to report that also man Utd look like being on top for the rest of the season, Arsenal slow to get going, Chelsea sacked Vialli and have another italian as manager and Leeds too many injuries to competer, it's over allready folks..........was in London the other week and managed to get tickets for Arsenal vs Charlton, they won 5-3 and it was an amazing game,  
he comes from Sen-e-gal...he plays for Ar-sen-al  ......Vi-err-a woh-oh-oh-oh   Vi-errr-a woh-oh-oh-oh  scored two as did Thierry Henry, got pissed on jack Daniels and Guinness and fell asleep for 10 mins, totally blasted...but now on the wagon   ho ho ho 
  
Did you know we had a petrol strike??  the country is now governed by moronic-two-headed-inbred-sheep-shaggin farmers and hairy-arsed-beer-swillin-pot-bellied-truckers who use CB radios, call themselves rubber ducky, Ro-Ro Rob, trucker John, have the intellect of the average amoeba, smuggle illegal aliens and booze and think that a healthy lifestyle involes only 10 pints a day, 40 fags and six fry-ups a week!!!  there is officially no hope for this country anymore....panik-buying nappies, bread, milk and bog rolls   its baffling to me.... 
  
and as for Andy Warhol...well he was a pretty wierd dude, was a card carrying fudge-packer, wore a wig and ate turkey and mashed potato for weeks on end...took 500 pages to find that out...well bit more interesting than that I suppose. 
  
Time to change the nappy on Dylan and get a bite to eat, nip down the gym and mellow out, wait for match of the day and try to stay awake for the Mens Triathlon and hope that Simon Lessing can do the old country proud 
  
Keep in touch folks 
Ta for now 
Sugarpuss O'Shea

Aims of the Orifice...... 
1) enable a free flow of views and passage of bullshit 
2) give a slightly different angle of delivery 
3) reduce the need for an enema 
4) minimise possibility of verbal diarrhoea 
5) expose the arsehole of Olympic incompetence 
6) clench the buttock of sporting excellence 
  
Day 2  (or is it day 3 by now, this time difference if causing confusion) 
  
Pity the poor Algerian boxer I saw in a snippet from one of the opening bouts...imagine the poor fella pounding the Atlas mountains daily, dodging the camel shit, keeping his arse from Arab fudge-packers and slaking his thirst at the nearest oasis for four long years then getting selected for the Olympic team...oh the joy ....but what happens???  gets draw against a Cuban?? well we all remember Tefilio Stephenson (don't we??) and the reputation of the Cuban boxing teams?? into the ring looking good but oh Shit!!!13 seconds and the poor fella is on the mat!! up he gets full of fight and oh shit.......23 seconds and it's all over...poor bastard eh?? 
must pray to Allah a bit harder...out for a few stubbies then home to more crap and shaggin goats in the Souk??? 
  
Soccer....Everton 1-3 Man Utd......Burnley 1-1 Grimsby...now out of the bottom 3...hurrah.....hurrah......... 
  
Bad news for the chief instigator of Olympic greed and lots of free lunches...Maria Teresa Salisachs or more commonly known as Mrs Samaranch died in Barcelona at the age of 69...the big C gets the rich and famous too, hear she was a 40 a day lady?? 
yes emena's..loved them by all accounts and the odd flush out with a liece of tubing too....aledgedly 
  
Thorpedo.....does he have a skin problem???is he allergic to water???how come he has a full body suit on then, must need to cover up a bad dose of Psoriasis.. 
  
Hear the whole Romanian weight lifting crew have been bounced out with record levels of tostesterone, too much hair on the palms of their hands  and two heads each?? Ok then...Aleksandr Bagach (yes it is spelt like that in the Ukraine) the BIG Ukranian shot putter (is that a sport??) has filed a 3rd drug test, once could be called unfortunate, twice looks like carelessness but seems to have putted himself in a new realm of negligence by failing a third!! According to one official he had a level of anabolic steroids that was enough to kill a horse!!! 
  
Am a bit tired this morning as i stayed up till 0200 in the vain hope that we could get a medal in the triathlon...was a good race but 9th and 10th are a poor result for lack of sleep...Craig Walton , a Tassie???was leading at the early stage but a bald Kraut just lost out to a skinny Kiwi in the last 200 yards...was a good race...might start that myself...anyway it was interesting and brought back many memories of Circular Quay, days spent getting pissed on the Rocks and the Domain where I spent many long hours watching the nutters busking near the bus station and those geezers that mime?? you know they get all greased up, pretend to be a statue and then move in a Michael jackson robotic sort of way...what a pathetic way to earn a living, what do you do for a living daddy??? I'm a statue of Aphrodite!!!  
  
Watching the rowing was also entertaining and full of commentator bullshit....one stated that Redgrave et al new the course well......what??? it's a piece of water, flat, with lanes and a couple of miles long...it's hardly orienteering is it now, then he said the boat was moving well?? I should bloody well coco with 4 big bastards rowing the bloody thing!!!  look.... all that happens is four blokes in one boat row faster than the others!! if they don't row faster they lose...bloody staggering....not complicated at all..........elementary my dear Catherall........these commentators have too much time in which to say nothing until......So-and-so has won!!!!  
  
How much do they know anyway??? example...Triathlon....Bald Kraut leading with 1km to go, Kiwi about 20 yards behind him....commentator says that Kiwi has no chance, too late to win...ooops!!!! burst of speed down hill and the bugger flashes past the porky little bald-fella and wins by 20 metres, as he passes the kraut commentator says you can see the sigh of sadness on Krauts face then as he comes to the line grabs a German flag and dances arround like he's won 20 million on the bloody lottery!!! 
Examples of commentator bullshit will follow en masse................. 
  
Finally....Debbie Allen...British Judo star in the 52 kg category.........well she should have been...after 4 years training (they keep telling us about the 4 years these athletes have trained hard, sacrificing all our normal daily pleasures etc and completely dedicating themselves to sporting excellence) well she failed to make the weight and has had to pull out !!!!     wonder if she will pay all the money back to her sponsors and the air-fare to the BOC and maybe get someone out there that will make the weight???  sound's like too many puddings, dim-sum's and chico rolls to me...............you fat bastard..... 
  
Keep watching........ 
  
2PintJohnny