Title: If Only For Tonight
Author: Elizabeth L. Iacono
Rating: PG
Category: Vignette
Keywords: Doggett POV
Spoilers: The Gift
Summary: "Tonight I looked through his eyes, and
I saw how he thinks."
Note: I haven't read any other post eps for
'The Gift' yet, so if anyone else has something
similar out, it wasn't intentional.
Thanks to Maeve for the beta! :-)
Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned are mine.
Feedback: Brings light to my bleak college life.
RhiaRamsay@aol.com
Archiving: I'll send it to Gossamer and the Spookys.
Xemplary, KTF, Legacy, and Ephemeral (if they're
still doing it like this, I'm not sure of the
posting policy any more) can have it automatically.
Anyone else, please ask me first.
If Only For Tonight
Elizabeth L. Iacono
As far as I can tell, Fox Mulder and I are
nothing alike. We come from totally different
backgrounds, he an Oxford grad, me a Marine.
We've got totally different views of the world
around us, and if you asked me any thing about
who he really was I would have just shrugged and
pointed you in the direction of Agent Scully.
But tonight...
Tonight I looked through his eyes, and I
saw how he thinks.
It was almost frightening in a way, to be
able to get myself into his head like that,
amongst all the cobwebs and little green men.
I wonder if it was like that for Mulder when he
was doing profiles, getting so deep into the
heads of the scum of the earth. Did he start
acting like them? Thinking like them?
I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know,
and I'm not sure I want to know. I deal with
facts, cold hard truths that I can wrap my fingers
around and see with my eyes. This...this is
something totally out of my league.
But for this one night I saw through his
eyes, and I think I have a better understanding
about the man behind the spooky myth.
Fox Mulder went to Pennsylvania to find a
soul eater, a legendary creature rumored to heal
people by consuming and taking their illnesses
into itself. A short while later Mulder returns
to put three bullets into the creature. Why?
What would possess him to murder a man in cold
blood?
When it's not a murder in cold blood at
all. When it's an attempt to spare a being any
more pain in a long, painful life. Mulder looked
into the creature's eyes and saw pain, a pain
that he wanted to try to alleviate. Most men
I know would take the other way out, to run the
other way and never look back. But not Mulder.
He was the one to go and get rid of the creature's
pain, irregardless of how everyone else would hate
him for it.
What does that say about his character? That
he's a nut? That all those rumors about him being
one card short of a full deck are true? I don't
know for sure, but I don't think so. I think it
was a very honorable move on his part. Being in
the Marines you learn all about honor, what it is
and how to act it. Mulder wasn't a Marine, not by
far, but I get the feeling that this noble streak
is just somehow a part of who he is.
It also makes me wonder if he ever went
through with the cure. I get the feeling that
he didn't. Why would he add to another's pain
so he could get rid of his own? From what I can
tell, it doesn't seem like something he'd do.
Whatever the answer is, maybe I'll ask him about
it when he gets back from wherever he is.
So where does that leave me? I guess still
in the basement, looking for him and keeping an
eye out for his partner (whom I suspect, but cannot
confirm is his partner in more ways than one). I'm
not trying to become him, no way in hell, but, if
only for tonight, I understood him. I even had
an experience that would qualify as a bona fide
X-File.
I get the feeling Mulder would be proud.
That's all folks! Just a little shortie spurred
on by the return of my favorite FBI agent...and
it ain't Doggett I'm talking about. *veg*