James Rahn: n. person.
a. Time traveler. b. Dimension hopper. c. Lost idiot.
---
James Rahn jumped.
This was not to say that he performed an act of physical exertion
which caused his body to move opposite the current direction of gravity
for a brief period of time. This actually meant that he had changed the
quantum tionic state of all the particles in and about his persons, and
stabilized them to the frequency of another dimension.
For the sake of simplicity, he called the act 'jumping.'
This time, he materialized above a water hazard.
"Oh Shiiiii--!" James ad-libed.
James Rahn had arrived in Nerima.
---
Insanity Productions presents
Infinite Lives...
Infinite Realities...
Infinite Evil...
A Fanfiction Work By Rick Spiff
========================================================================
The Traveler.
An oddity of unexpected 'dimensions.'
========================================================================
Disclaimer: As per usual, I know nothing of these characters... okay, I
know a bunch but I don't own them and this work is non-profit anyway.
May be distributed freely over any media as long this document remains
complete. Ranma 1/2 is copyrighted by Viz Media and the creation of
Rumiko Takahashi-sama. No disrespect, just entertaining people by
writing an (hopefully) interesting story. God bless.
----------
Look at the stars someday. If you can see them from outside your house,
they are worth looking at. Each one a shining testament to power of
creation in it's infinite capacity to make life and breed knowledge
within the interstellar winds. A majestic light show Mother Nature puts
on for free, every time the sun dips below the horizon.
Such was a nightly event on the slightly abused, somewhat stretched-out
sphere of mud James Rahn called home. It was an Earth like any other,
and a place where James was more or less happy, if not completely
content with his life.
His life was a simple mix of rather torrid affairs, as confusing and
twisting as the deepest underwater crevasse ever uncovered by brave
explorers. His mother and father killed long ago in a tragic automobile
accident, his two sisters estranged against him... the lost sheep of the
family.
It was on this vast plane of existence that James Rahn had come to carve
out his little piece of life, which he was content to live in under
honest but often risky circumstances.
Like a wandering priest, this James Rahn carried with him a sense of
purpose and the intent of nothing but good everywhere he went. Defending
the weak and bringing justice to the unjust, this James never stepped
out of line unless the situation demanded it.
Like many others before it, a kind soul was chosen, and granted a
choice; given the opportunity to take up a role of defense and justice
in the universe. The chosen was James, and that opportunity struck a
chord in James and his convictions.
It was almost a shame he'd never been given the option to accept or
decline.
And in an instant, he was reborn; bonded to a spirit with the powers to
'jump' as it were, from dimension to dimension, meeting diverse
civilizations like an explorer in the days of old. Civilizations he
found often troubled and to which he offered help, especially to those
who could not help themselves.
So every day he walks may be his last on an unfamiliar land, yet he goes
on, never quite reaching a goal; never quite needing one...
----------
Quick notes:
[Signs, Genma-panda signs]
_Emphasis_
(flashbacks)
{Author's notes}
'-chan' designates Ranma's female form, also used as a close
familiar, a term of affection, or added to the name of a small child.
'-san' is a respectful term, Mr./Mrs./Ms.
Lengths are in metric (mostly, I'm a half-breed), about 1.5
kilometers to the mile, a meter is three feet, and two and a half
centimeters to the inch.
Weight sometimes follows suit, 2 pounds per kilogram, or 'kilo'.
Have fun and read the notes at the end!
----------
Episode 1 : James in Nerima.
text v 0.9
Coughing, sputtering, wet, confused, and cussing fluently in three
different languages (English, bad English, and horrible Japanese), James
Rahn came crawling ashore a peaceful and very full canal in the middle
of Nerima. Thankfully, it was warm and pleasant outside, with a gentle
wind sighing through the nearby trees. They sky was a subdued blue with
banks of large white clouds floating around like air-bound cruise
liners. Had he realized where he was, he probably wouldn't have cared.
The water in his left ear was really getting to him. It had been a long
week; water in the ear was just another straw on this camel's back.
Water in the ear was the FINAL straw. It was enough to make him
scream.... had he been anyone else. But he was James, and James was
always cool.
"Of all the..." He muttered aloud, then started cussing again.
Quite some time passed before the out-of-sorts Traveler had calmed
enough to be approached by someone not wearing a suit resistant to
extremely caustic chemicals. By that time, James have went from direct,
vulgar, and extremely loud insults all the way down to very lame,
slightly religious slurs. This was for two reasons. One: He didn't
really have much of a religion himself, and didn't bother to make any
slurs towards anyone else's. It wasn't something he was inclined to
argue/debate about. Two: The specific slur he had uttered that made him
finally stop with the ranting was particularly lame, meaning something
close to 'that cow isn't as sacred as my cow, though it doesn't make
much of a difference.' It sounded tougher in the native Swahili dialect
he spoke it in though.
The rant was forgotten, however, as more and more of a certain
somebody's energies were diverted to removing one really stubborn water
particle from his left ear.
In James' vast experience, water usually went about its own way,
only influenced by other environmental or physical factors directly.
Water did not specifically attack him. Water didn't single out anyone
person for punishment, come to think of it. That was excluding the one
guy just standing there staring at the tidal wave about to crash down
upon him, but water was acting like a force of nature in that
instance, weeding out the bad stock.
Water DID NOT deliberately stick itself in a very important and vital
place necessary for the comfortable continuation of life and STAY THERE
no matter WHAT the targeted human tried. It just didn't.
Where he came from, water was simply not a living thing. {It seems
James needs to learn about a peculiar aspect of this world: magic.}
He was just about to inform the water of that fact in a colorful way
when he felt someone approaching. He stopped and looked to see who had
come a knocking. Standing in front of James was an Asian youth,
seventeen, maybe eighteen years of age. He was about 1.7 meters tall,
maybe seventy five kilos, and well built for a kid his age. The boy's
black hair looked he'd never seen a comb and was tied into a short
pigtail in the back. He was wearing a nice red silk shirt with the
sleeves rolled up and a pair of loose, comfortable-looking black pants.
"'Cuse me, man. But are you okay?"
James himself stood and looked at the youth. He was just a few inches
taller, and a good ten kilos heavier, all muscle. His face was ringed
with a number of nearly invisible scars, blending into an otherwise
normal looks. He had blond hair trimmed short out of necessity even
though it looked perfectly normal for him, and was wearing what used to
be a white long-sleeved dress shirt and charcoal colored khakis. A
simple hip-pack contained all of his worldly possessions.
James looked at his clothes and stood up slowly. Finding nothing broken, he
nodded to himself and spoke out loud. "Yes, I'm quite all right, just a
little wet. Um... this may sound like a damn weird question, but where
am I and what is the date?"
The young man didn't seem at all surprised at the
question... unusual. "Tokyo, in Japan. Nerima ward. It's August. August
10th, 1996."
"Excellent. At least I'm on Earth."
That _did_ seem to confuse the boy a bit. "If ya don't mind me askin'
are you a... Hibiki?"
James paused to identify the word. As far as he could reason, it was
simply a name. By this boy's use of it, a family name. "No. Why? Do I
look like one?"
"Uh, not really. You just sound like ya have their sense of
direction." He scratched the back of his head.
"No. My name is James Rahn." He paused, as if expecting something.
"I'm a sort of traveler, but sometimes I don't know where I'm going."
That sounded a bit like a Hibiki to Ranma, but he didn't press. After
all, Ryouga usually knew where he was going to go, and got lost
anyway... "Um, I'm Ranma Saotome. Nice ta meet ya."
"The pleasure's all mine, I assure you. Say, is there some place I
can get cleaned up? I didn't plan on being... tossed into a canal
today."
"Oh, I _know_ what you mean. Sure, I'm going over to Tofu's to get
this looked at." James didn't quite follow what Ranma gestured at. "He
won't mind if you wash up there."
"This 'Tofu' is a person?"
"You're obviously not from around here." Now that Ranma was moving,
James could see that he was walking with a slight limp, and looked a
little roughed up. He didn't notice this earlier because of his surprise
and anger at landing in the water freshly upon his arrival. He felt he
_could_ use a shower, however.
"Nope."
-----
Tofu proved to be an quite experienced and very nice doctor, who knew
Ranma fairly well. He seemed surprised, in fact, to see James dripping
wet (well, really just excessively damp), and Ranma bone dry. James took
that look to mean that Ranma usually showed up soaking wet, especially
with Dr. Tofu's comment. 'Usually it's Ranma who shows up soaking wet.'
A conversation was quickly struck up, Dr. Tofu being the curious
type.
"You're from where?"
Explaining... this James didn't mind doing. "From another
dimension. An alternate plane of reality, if you will."
"How is it that you can travel here?"
"I... jump. Shift. Phase? It's kind of hard to explain, and very
dangerous. I've heard stories of some who have tried using machines...
those experiments didn't end very well. At least I use a more 'reliable'
method. Heh."
"Well..." Tofu seemed at a loss for words. It was something so simple
to James, even though he'd jumped what, a half dozen times? It _was_ a
little strange to try and wrap your brain around the concept if you had
never heard of or experienced it before.
"I know. I was the same way when I first found out. It's different
then you think it is... er, might be..." He paused, ever so slightly
confused. It was just a _little_ hard to describe dimension-hopping, and
assume that this man had done it before could only be described as an
act of monumental stupidity of the likes only witnessed by James
himself. "... I mean..."
"Is it like the Nanban mirror?" Asked Tofu.
Predictably, James was at a loss.
"Well, it's kinda hard to describe." Said Ranma.
"Nanban mirror? Dimension shifting device? Takes you to alternate
worlds?" A pair of nods. "How?" James reminded himself to stop babbling
and waited for the hard-pressed teen to answer.
"It... can take you where you want to go if you ask it right. It's
magic... um, when I used it, it showed me a future where Ryouga had...
had married..." he almost choked the word out, "Akane."
Akane? Ryouga? "Soooo. Magic, you say? Do you have it?"
"No, after I broke it, the old lech took it back."
Item: One magically-powered dimensional movement device,
broken. Item: One 'old lech' in possession of said device. Problem: 'Old
lech' he didn't understand.
"Say who?"
"Happosai." Ranma spat out the word with more than a small measure of
disgust.
"Are you looking for this mirror?" Chimed in Dr. Tofu.
"In a manner of speaking, yes. Just for examination purposes."
"I can understand."
James looked at the Doctor a little harder. "You can?"
"I'm curious about the biological uniqueness of Jusenkyo-cursed
people because it's beneficial to their health and my effectiveness as a
Doctor. You are curious about other devices which allow inter-
dimensional travel because they can directly affect you and the relative
health of the dimensions around you."
"Y'know, you're pretty damn smart, Doctor."
"Well I didn't get through medical school on my looks alone, and
around here you become accustomed to thinking about these kind of
confusing things."
James raised a
finger. "Jusenkyo-cursed?"
"Um, that's a little personal. Is it imperative for you to know?"
"Well, I've never trusted magic much, and if any Jusenkyo-
cursed people are involved with magic, it would be nice to be educated
about them, least I be... surprised." Ranma looked a tad offended, but
James didn't notice.
"Well, magic is the very device by which Jusenkyo curses
operate. Listen carefully."
Dr. Tofu proceeded to explain in detail about Jusenkyo curses. A
condition where a person was cursed to change into an alternate form
(animals, monsters, and in Ranma's case, a girl) with cold water, but
change back with hot water. James wasn't too interested in these souls
apart from the fact they were formidable martial artists. The whole
curse thing sounded like a real pain. Imagine if he'd turned into a duck
or a cow upon hitting the water. Well, good news for him, there didn't
seem to be any reason to go all the way to China, something he would
avoid at all costs around here. Besides, he had more important tasks on
hand.
He had to take care of that mirror.
"And how do I identify it?" James asked Ranma.
"It's silver, looks old, and has a long crack down the middle."
"Oh. Piece of cake."
"What do you want the mirror for, James?" Tofu asked.
"Get rid of it or lock it out. No unauthorized dimensional travel.
That device doesn't show you a possible world, but a real world that IS
a possible certainty." He blinked. "Never mind, it shouldn't be here. It
was probably created by some renegade mage or something. I just have to
get rid of it."
All told, Tofu's explanation was mercifully quick, sparring James a
lecture on medical-speak, which he hadn't cared for since he was a boy.
Fortunately, Tofu had some patients to attend to, leaving James and
Ranma to let themselves out.
James had been taking good notes. Him and Ranma decided to leave for
the dojo, but first Ranma had something to explain while they were
safely out of earshot of the rest of town.
They sat alone in the waiting room, conversing in low tones as to not
disturb the doctor in the next room.
"So what now?" Asked Ranma.
"Well, I have a question. Do things ever seem... off around here?"
"Off?"
"Odd, unusual. Y'know, around here?" For some reason, James felt odd
attempting to communicate the definition of unusual to someone who
changed sexes with the application of water, but having seen things even
weirder in the short time he'd been 'jumping' had prepared him to see
strange things. Besides, Ranma was a martial artist and had to have some
idea about the 'feel' of this place.
"Well," He scratched the back of his head. "Uh... you'd have to
define 'off'."
"Well... never mind. Onto the next order of business. Clothes."
"Clothes?"
"Yes. I need you to take me shopping."
For some reason, Ranma looked downright uncomfortable. "Shopping?"
"I've never shopped in Japan. And on that note, I finally
have... yen, is it?"
"How are you going to go shopping then?"
"I didn't say I was broke." Said James with a smile.
"Aheh... oookay." Said Ranma. "What're ya gonna do first?"
James stood dramatically. "First, we go to a large bank and see if I
can get some dollars changed into yen. Second, we go to a reasonably
priced clothing store and I buy a new set of clothes." Thirdly, figure
out what was wrong _here_.
"Why are you holding your pants like that?"
"It involves a psycho, a sickle blade, and the words 'attempted
castration.' I don't believe you need to know the rest."
"Uh, sure thing."
James began ranting inside his head.
-----
After a quick stop at the bank to exchange currency (for some reason,
neither James nor Ranma trusted the local money handler, Nabiki, any
more than they could... well, they could both throw her quite some
distance...) and another stop to obtain new, clean, and _working_
clothes, James was the picture of happiness. Well, as happy as one could
be, walking around in a foreign country with no idea where home was, or
whether it was worth trying to get back there. At least he could speak
the language.
James and Ranma did a lot of walking. In fact, it looked to James as
if Ranma had never ridden in a car before. He probably wouldn't much
care for it anyway; he looked like a nature-loving martial artist to
James. James wasn't about to drive anything himself anyhow. First, it
was too expensive and the vehicle usually got destroyed anyway. Second,
the traffic in Tokyo was bad enough without him clogging the road.
While walking this distance, they did their fair share of talking
about what's what, and learning a bit about each other. Actually, James
was doing most of the talking, virtually interrogating Ranma about the
various aspects of life in Nerima-ku. {I'm pretty sure the suffix -ku
means 'ward' as in Nerima is a ward of Tokyo; a suburb. If it's wrong,
blame my English teachers.}
The one thing he kept coming back to was... well, it was how screwed
up Ranma's life was. Hell, it was worse than his!
"Ranma, your life sounds even worse than mine!"
"How so?"
"Eh? You don't think so?"
"Well, I'm just wonderin'."
"Oh, not having a permanent home, little family, enemies
abound. Mine's just a bit more confusing, that's all."
"Heh, confusing? Try changing genders every time the weather does."
"Speaking of which..."
"Oh shit."
-----
James was a little amused at Ranma's attitude while soaking wet.
Sure, there was the normal 'crap, I'm all wet' deal, but in Ranma's case
there was also, 'crap, I'm a girl again.'
He still thought it was funny.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing. I just think I could get to like this place."
As they closed in on the Tendo dojo, James could tell from afar that
this was one structure that suffered major damage on frequent occasions.
None of the patchwork could have been more than a year old, and there
was even one patch on the roof that was only half finished as of their
arrival.
And then there was the neighborhood itself. James was always a little
of a nature-man himself (James the monk was an oxymoron, even if it
wasn't too far off), and approved of the non-invasive architecture
abound every corner. Fair size parks dotted their path back to the dojo,
and the whole place just seemed... well, peaceful, compared to home.
Besides, with the rain scrubbing the world, the air smelled sweet and
clean and inviting. Just the kind of place that James wouldn't mind
spending the rest of his life.
"RANMA SAOTOME, PREPARE TO DIIIEEEEEEE!!!" A loud cry issued from a
pair of healthy lungs.
James barely threw himself out of the way of the incoming projectiles
fast enough, but still managed to get tears in his clothes in no less
than three locations.
"Okay, he dies." Muttered the Traveler, feeling somewhat abused after
enjoying this world for only two hours. Not that he would seriously
consider killing the boy--he'd just beat him badly--but still! His
clothes! His NEW clothes!
Then a yellow and brown blur shot by James on a collision course with
Ranma-chan, screaming something about vengeance and attacking the
red-haired girl while holding onto what James was quite sure fit the
description of a red bamboo umbrella...
"Hold it!" He shouted hotly. Someone was going to pay for this shirt.
"What? How dare you interrupt me while I am extracting vengeance from
this bastard Ranma!"
At this point it was beyond obvious that this guy had something with
Ranma. So, of course, James had to point it out. "What the HELL is wrong
with you! You just trashed my new and totally cool shirt!!!"
"Ah..." Nervous now? What was with this guy? "Gomen. I was trying
to--"
"Kill Ranma. I caught that part."
"Who are you?"
"Death, vengeance, American, and _VERY_ pissed off." Now it was
James' turn to attack.
This turned out to be less foolish than it first seemed. Ryouga was
unnaturally strong, for a _human_, but James found he still had the edge
in speed as they exchanged blows. Ryouga was parrying a lot of good
stuff from James even with one hand on his umbrella, and James was using
anything on hand as a weapon in addition to his own fists. First came
blocks of concrete which were crushed to powder almost by _touching_ the
umbrella. Next came a stray lamp post (James wasn't quite sure how it
had gotten loose, but he got Ryouga to stand under it while he knocked
it over). After that came walls, lawn furniture, rubble, bits of
someone's bicycle, a shop curtain, several rocks, a wooden chest...
Then the rain _really_ started to come down.
James leaned aside a powerful blow launched by Ryouga, grinning as
his opponent was suddenly forced to be a lot more careful in covering
himself from the downpour and still continue the fight. The heavens were
weeping, but it was unclear if and who they were cheering for. Luck was
on James' side, as he slid combo after combo through Ryouga's hurting
defense to slam the young martial artist with powerful techniques.
Which were brushed off like the blows of insects.
The two remained at an impasse, moving as a pair of blurs while
millions of falling drops of water filled the air between them. Both
easily adjusted to the changes in their environment, but Ryouga was
hurting for having to cover himself constantly from the water. James
took note of this, but continued his non-stop assault seemingly without
giving it a second thought.
Ranma-chan remained back a bit, still following the two on a
haphazard course through most of Nerima. James was good. Very good, even
against Ryouga, but he was still holding back a lot. Maybe he was
enjoying this? And what on earth was up with Ryouga? By now he would
have turned tail and ran, being at such a disadvantage in the renewed
rainstorm.
Ryouga launched a couple of lunge-punches, forcing James back, who
responded with a quick sidestep and a few elbows at point blank range.
Then James feinted for the umbrella, full-well knowing of Ryouga's curse
from how the Lost Boy covered himself. Ranma had left little hints here
and there too, something James was a master at picking up on. Ryouga
countered instead of blocking, nearly catching James with a quick
knee. James twisted and slammed his left fist into Ryouga's face ten
times in the blink of eye, just before the lost boy could step back,
mostly unhurt. James looked down at his fist.
"Tough crowd." The Traveler commented.
Ryouga merely growled in reply and charged James again, who leapt
away and up onto the fence of a nearby property, one that happened to
have a pond in the yard. Ryouga followed grimly, umbrella still held
stiffly, and attacked James from the ground. Ranma-chan was close behind
and could see the events unfolding from an ideal vantage point as she
gained the fence as well.
Hey, she was home.
Sure enough, Ryouga caught sight of the Tendo dojo through the hated
rain as he made the fence as well, turning to face the insolent American
who was grinning like he was worth a million bucks. Not that Ryouga
would know a million bucks from a million Pesos, but the meaning of
James' expression was plain to any member of human race (and even a few
alien species).
Ryouga lifted off with a couple of quick kicks to keep the faster man
at bay, then pulled back as James bent his body around the whole barrage
without blinking and nearly caught Ryouga's shirt front.
"Hah! Damn, you're pretty good!" Shouted James excitedly.
"Just hold... still and... fight!" Ryouga managed to shout as James
let out his own flurry of kicks in response. Clearly he was having fun
fighting in the rain. And where had Ranma-chan run off to?
Unfortunately, that lapse of concentration was to be Ryouga's
downfall. The rain had been getting steadily worse over the last two
minutes of James and Ryouga's fight, and as Ryouga slowed a bit to
search for his original target (still not completely ignoring James),
James had an idea.
An evil idea.
James pulled back and rolled his shoulders against the cold, taking a
second to curse the rain on his new clothes, then put his plan into
motion. He shot forward like a bullet, catching Ryouga off guard,
forcing the boy back against a hail of blows. James pulled back just as
Ryouga regained a solid stance and proceeded to go all out a foot shy of
actually hitting the lost boy.
Before Ryouga or even Ranma-chan could see what James was up to, a
sudden swell of wind from James' techniques caused the rain next to
Ryouga to go sideways. No totally prepared for a blast of cold water,
Ryouga was caught unawares and desperately blocked with the umbrella. In
the split-second opening, James leapt to the yard below, by the pond.
Ryouga poked his head out, seething, and followed the man down to the
yard. He never saw it coming. In the instant his eyes locked on the
Tendo residence, James slammed two open hands into the Koi pond, driving
a single stream of cold and dirty water right at Ryouga.
This time the umbrella did not come in time.
"Bweee!" Said the small black pig angrily.
"Well, well, well. Looks like I win."
-----
Lightning barked outside, occasionally lighting up the great deluge
of water that was pouring down on Nerima as though God had decided to
weed out the 'evil people' again. The Tendos were warm and inviting
people though, and although James still felt a bit like a bug under a
microscope, at least they had dropped their outright suspicion after he
had explained why he was here.
"This is my fifth jump, Tendo-san." James said to Nabiki's latest
question.
Genma-panda held up another sign. [Are you sure you aren't here to
kill anyone?]
"Not unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't like killing people."
"What about that guy that slashed up your 'jeans' earlier?" Piped up
Ranma-chan to keep herself in the conversation.
"I had considered it, but it would be a little foolish to kill over
clothes."
Ranma-chan glared at P-chan.
James rolled his shoulders. His shirt had dried a bit, but he was
itching for a hot shower. Then he remembered where he was, and decided
it was wise to bank on the Japanese in this world preferring baths. Hmm,
a hot soak would do him some good too.
"Any other questions?"
The rest of the table seemed oddly subdued. Nothing unusual about a
dimension-hopping man with a tattoo on his arm that sometimes glowed and
stung like a mother fucker.
Must happen all the time around here.
"I have one." Said Ranma-chan slowly. Nabiki was already halfway to
her room, and the two elders had set up a board game near the open doors
at the far end of the room. Beyond, James could see the rain continue
unabated, and silently wished for a bath.
"Shoot."
"How did you hold off Ryouga like that?"
"Fighting style or tenacity?"
Ranma-chan's face scrunched up in a way that meant plain distaste.
James was tempted to laugh, as it looked so out of place, but he still
remembered that Ranma was a boy, not a girl, and somehow managed to hold
a straight face.
"Hmm, where'd ya learn ta fight like that, for starters."
"Ahh, style. Lots. I just picked it up here and there, few classes,
independent practice through high school, then I really got into martial
arts just in the last three years or so. Picked up a couple of local
trophies where I lived, then dropped out of the competitive circle. I
kept up the practice, though. It's been a godsend since this whole loony
trip started, and I've learned a LOT moving from place to place." He
paused, barely aware that he was rambling. "Did you have a specific
question?"
"That wind thing you did to move the rain."
James stood, dripping a healthy amount of water around. "Let's go
outside, I'll demonstrate."
Ranma-chan nodded and followed the Traveler outdoors into the rain.
Akane stood inside cuddling her P-chan close. She thought about going
outside, but P-chan didn't seem to like James-san very much, even though
he seemed like a nice guy. Besides, she had homework to do.
Kasumi stood slowly and moved toward the kitchen.
Yes, a peaceful day at the Tendo's.
-----
James cross-blocked with both arms, catching the full force of
Ranma-chan's kick on his guard, then struck out viciously at his moving
target before she could land and move in on him. The pair were battling
back and forth with abandon in the thick of a raging storm, sharing in
something they both enjoyed immensely: a good fight. Ranma-chan clearly
had the edge in speed and a some in form, but James made up for his lack
of physical prowess by way of awesome skill and more brutal techniques,
and a great variety of ingenious moves that had left Ranma-chan shadow
boxing more than once.
There was no question his opponent was learning, mused James, but it
was the pace that worried him. Twice he'd changed his pattern to keep
her small but dangerous fists out of his guard, and twice she'd adapted,
remarkably fast. "Try this!" James shouted as he did a quick spin of out
range of a pair of round house kicks and launched the move he'd come up
with while fighting Ryouga.
It was something that had just come to him in that instant, after the
train incident nearly a week ago, and his many years of swimming for fun
and sport, then finally, in the rain just a few moments ago. His hands
cupped and moved in a complex pattern even as he stepped back, sending a
stream of wind at the approaching figure, blowing an almost solid sheet
of water at the girl.
She leapt, twisted, James rolled, and his heel bit into the wet earth
hard, tearing up a good amount of perfectly good grass. It looked
healthy, though. No real damage done (to the grass, that is). James
lashed out with a few quick punches that were blocked or dodged with
great ease. Ranma-chan countered his advance with a series rapid side
kicks that James totally ignored as he moved sideways, striking for her
head again.
Ranma-chan felt the move coming, and moved her head aside as a fist
whistled past. A second punch made a glancing blow off her side, and she
turned quickly preparing to hit James with something hard and painful
when a hand came out of nowhere and smacked her in the head with a palm
strike.
James hopped back as Ranma-chan flailed to the ground, dizzy from his
hit. James thought.
The girl stopped spinning and quickly righted herself. Then, she drew
up her guard and came slowly toward James with a scary smile on her
face. "Like _this_ is it?!" On the word 'this' she moved her hands in
imitation of James' new technique, sending a blinding spray of water at
his face. James ducked, then ducked again as a kick whipped over his
head. He rolled, bouncing to his feet smoothly, and threw out a ridge
hand from the very limit of his range, then followed up with a dragon
tail, intending to catch Ranma-chan in the knees.
Ranma-chan narrowly missed the first strike, then went airborne to
dodge the second, leaping away from James to give herself some distance.
Too late, she realized she'd been had. Another, more powerful, blast of
air hit her hard, an un-blockable wave of force that threw her the
distance of the yard, clean over the Koi pond and into the fence on the
other side of the yard.
James himself seemed a little amazed, staring at his hands like they
had just acquired a mind of their own. "...Never thought it could be
_that_ powerful!" He said out loud.
Thought Ranma-chan. She charged James all out now,
covering the ten meter gap in less than a second, but stopping far short
of hitting the arrival.
"Chestnut Fist Invisible Hand Strike!" She called out, both arms
blurring as she used the freshly modified move on James, who still stood
in amazement that someone could cover so much ground so fast.
Thought James just before a hurricane
force wind tossed him through the wall and into the dojo.
"You didn't have to hit me that hard." Said James. Yes, a bath it
was, and a very relaxing one, even if James wasn't used to sharing it
with someone else. At least Ranma was a he now.
"You were the one who suggested we spar to try that one out."
"Silly me, I should have practiced it more before I tried to teach
someone else."
"How long did it take ya to learn it?"
"I just came up with it while fighting your 'friend,' Ryouga."
The sound of dripping water, a deep sigh.
"Just came up with it--" Ranma snapped his fingers. "-like that?"
"Yeah. Doesn't happen much. I'm surprised it's even _possible_ to do
something like that."
"Oh, it's certainly possible." Ranma mused. "But only with a _lot_ of
practice."
"You could say I've been getting a lot of that lately. I've been here
what, three hours? I've already been in two killer fights, nearly
demolished a house, and been through two sets of clothes."
"Your pants were cut up before you got here."
"Yeah, but other than that, my outfit was okay until that little dunk
in the canal."
"Heard that one before." Muttered Ranma as he left the bath to James.
Another deep sigh.
-----
As pleasing as the bath was, James had to get out sooner or later. He
did consider how rude it would have been to stay indefinitely.
Unfortunately, his clothes were a mess, only his pants pulling through
in wearable condition (and even that was up to debate). Ranma offered
James one of his own Chinese shirts, a blue sleeveless deal that James
fit into with only a little space to spare. It did occur to him that
Ranma was just being nice about learning a new technique, and doubly so
since James didn't have anything personal against Ranma.
Besides, James was just that kind of nice guy.
Night came uneventfully, and despite his pleading, James ended up
spending the night on the couch (he begged to go elsewhere for quarters,
rather than sleep in the Tendo's house, but...). With the dawn light,
Kasumi found the living room empty. There were a set of well-used
blankets on the couch, but no sign of James-san. Having lived with
martial artists all her life, Kasumi quickly deduced that the new guest
was outside practicing.
She was not far off. James was outside, but he was not really
practicing martial arts, but meditating. Not meditating about martial
arts either. Every since his little trip had begun (some two months ago,
by his count) things had just gotten weirder and weirder. After the mess
of gang-wars he'd faced down in the last dimension, he felt something
was getting to him. Maybe the stress from repeatedly stepping through
the fabric of time and meeting many alternate versions of the same
punks, 'gangstas', serial killers and general nut cases was getting to
him. Yeah, that might be it. Whatever the reason, he was firmly under
control, and felt much better just by BEING here.
What wonders fresh air did for the soul.
Done with his angst for the day, and not even six in the morn, James
set to do some balancing katas from his position on the roof of the
dojo. Yes, the roof.
Odd guy.
Forty minutes later, Ranma came flying out of the second-story window
courtesy of the Genma Express and an ordinary Tendo morning had begun.
-----
"Guess who made breakfast!" Akane declared proudly from the head of
the table. Genma was human still, thanks to a quick save from James, who
was sporting new bruises. Ranma looked nonplused, and strangely male for
a change.
The Tendos and Saotomes (excluding Akane, of course) looked at the
self-proclaimed chef in mass horror. Suddenly begging off urgent
business at seven in the morning, the remainder of the table fled. James
glanced around a bit in confusion as Soun muttered something about a
fiancees duty before bolting. It was still way too early by James'
standards, because even with the very meaning of time bent and twisted
around the new turns his life had taken, James was still James and it
was still _too_ early.
"I'll have some." Offered James helpfully. Early, but James never
turned down free food when he was indefinitely without house, friends,
or other resources.
"Are you insane?!!" "That's great!!!"
James' eyes bugged out. He
straightened his thoughts out before Ranma could open his mouth again,
adverting another Mallet Mashing Disaster unknowingly. "What? It's not
like it can kill me."
Ranma shook his head once, side to side, slowly. Bad move. His head
then went down very quickly under the full force of the dreaded Akane
Tendo Mallet Masher.
Maybe disaster was not adverted so easily.
The one sometimes referred to as the 'kitchen destroyer' turned to
James with a million-watt smile. "Hold on just a sec and I'll have you
set."
Before James could raise even his voice in question, a hot (read:
recently flambeed), pile of... something dark and ugly, was shoved in
front of him on a plate.
"James-san? Are you going to try some?"
James blinked. Something was making his skin crawl. Damn it, he was
doing it again, and Akane's cheerfulness was looking a little strained.
He boldly grabbed his chopsticks, grateful for numerous late-night
lessons in foreign fast-food consumption during his college 'daze.'
Quickly he put one bite of the... stuff in
his mouth, and chewed quickly.
Stars erupted behind James' eyes; his brain felt like an elephant had
just stepped on it. Reality itself twisted and distorted and his tongue
tried to jump out of his tightly closed mouth. "Mmmm." He paused,
forcing down the bile. He didn't dare roll
the... (he was still trying to find a word to describe it, toxic waste
didn't do this cooking justice) er, stuff around his mouth. Time to
swallow...
_GULP_
James though dejectedly. Well, not like
the food would get any better, but even he knew better than to insult a
female's cooking so blatantly as to... urm, later with that. He
especially knew better when they put on this much charm with whatever
they cooked.
"Fantastic Akane! Here Ranma, take a bite! We have to be off soon
anyway, but keep up the good work!" James spewed out in one slush of
words, jamming a bite of the concoction into Ranma's mouth as revenge
for not giving him a more thorough warning. Then he bolted to his feet
and grabbed Ranma's school bag in one swift motion, not knowing in the
slightest it was Saturday despite Ranma's cries to the very fact not
long ago when his father had awakened him for training. Then they were
gone in a cloud of dust, only Ranma catching the gentile smile on
Akane's face. The one that made her look so cute...
-----
Five blocks away, James halted as though he had stepped into a puddle
of super glue and began doing a nice imitation of a drunken frat guy in
someone's bushes. Ranma himself didn't look so well either, but between
having faced this horror before, and the elation that James had: One,
made Akane smile, and two, Got them out before any damage could be done,
combined to give him the strength needed to stay on his feet.
"My God!" James shouted after reviewing his seven course meal from
two days ago... but not continuing as a fresh bout of 'Ralph' syndrome
caught him. Ranma just stood there and tried to look half-amused (which
was the usual for him) and half-innocent (which never worked for him,
but at least he was trying not to get arrested for defacing someone's
property).
By the bushes, James continued to salute his shoes.
-----
At this point the author would like to apologize for the number of
disgusting and misplaced jokes that have just occurred. If you would
like a refund, remember this fic is non-profit. Hmm, which pretty much
puts and end to this author's apology, since asking for money to fix the
problem would be slightly... er... illegal(?) here.
We now return you to your fic, already in progress.
-----
"Damn, man! You could have warned me!!!" James was unhappy. This
didn't happen all that often, but when it did, he felt the need to
search for a responsible party (some kind of genetic urge, he swore),
not himself, to blame for the whole thing.
And Ranma universally got blamed for everything, so...
"It could be used as weapon for crying out loud! That was food at one
time in recent history?! Unreal! This stuff is--"
"James?"
"Yes?!"
"You're shouting."
"Oh... yeah. But, you see where I'm coming from?"
"All too well. Look, I told ya and all, and ya tried it anyway, so it
_ain't_my_fault_."
"You're right Ranma. Sorry for yelling. Nice weather, storm
excluded..."
"I didn't--" The most recent of recent events hit Ranma rather
hard. "-not... my... fault?" It came out in a whisper.
"Yeah. I'm just a little edgy, y'know, something is going on, and
sooner or later, it's coming for us."
Ugh. Thought Ranma. Probably more _water_.
As it turned out, water would later be involved, but the form of one
blind Chinese restaurant waiter and part-time wannabe Ranma assassin was
the next thing to cross Saotome's vision.
"SAAAOOOTOME..." Mousse growled, staring at James in a very
unpleasant manner.
"Me?" James barely got out of the way of a half-dozen throwing stars
pelted the bushes behind him, followed shortly by two swords, a half-
dozen explosive eggs, five Nagitas and a training potty.
"Mousse, over here!" Shouted Ranma, standing just a few feet away
from the ruckus.
James blinked. Ranma was inadvertently saving his hide! How did stuff
like this keep happening?! How was he still alive?!
Mousse turned on Ranma like a bear fresh out of hibernation, only a
blur to James' eyes. For several seconds, neither fighter offered nor
gave any quarter as James just looked on in shock. Then the oddest thing
happened. One second Mousse was letting loose an apocalyptic amount of
weaponry at Ranma, the next it was a power line pole. A good, solid,
metal-and-concrete pole too.
"Damn man, and I thought worldline 1703-X77R was dangerous."
"Huh?" Ranma intelligently inquired, picking at a new tear in his
shirt.
"Just a random thought. Ah, where were we? Food and clothing, I
believe."
"Sure, whatever." Said Ranma, distractedly poking at the hole in his
shirt.
"Ouch, man."
And somewhere, hidden in the bushes, away from the raging Mousse and
a good distance from something that Akane once called cooking and James
once foolishly put in his mouth, a small object grinned the grin of the
predatory, and followed its prey.
-----
James had never been to a mall in Japan on his homeworld, and despite
the fact that he considered himself an avid traveler--er, of his own
planet, that is--he quickly found that he wasn't all that into malls in
Japan. It wasn't the large glass and modern lighting that he was
familiar with back in the states, but more of a group of semi-indoor
markets and restaurants all blended together with the atmosphere of five
rats being electrocuted in a blender. Liked, no, but he could get used
to it.
Since wandering aimlessly was likely to draw a lot of stares, in
spite (or perhaps because) of his nearly flawless Japanese, James
resolved to try and stick close to Ranma. This made things Better,
because Ranma was apparently seen around a lot of really weird stuff. An
American speaking fluent Japanese and wearing a trashed set of clothing
was not unusual enough to draw too many stares. At least he was
well-known here.
"Hey, Ranma!" James flinched, then ducked aside at the sound of the
voice, watching the angle between him, Ranma, and a basket of fresh...
er, vegetable of some kind. No knives followed the voice, however, just
a second call.
"Yeah, what are you doing out here?"
And lo, did James breathe a sigh of relief. The two teens actually
looked nonplused about him, and weren't fling weapons or high-powered
punches, or ki blast, or nucl-- just a couple of kids James, _relax_.
Just a couple of kids.
"Ranma, is this a friend of yours, or did he just follow you here?"
The lighter haired one laughed rudely at that, and James was suddenly
of the mindset that perhaps this boy would benefit from a skillfully
applied concussion.
"C'mon, guys, this is just a visitor here for a few days. A..."
"Traveler." James interjected smoothly.
The two stopped laughing.
"Wha-- YEAOUCH!!!" James suddenly started doing the Chinese fire
drill, with the addition of an actual sleeve of his--er, Ranma's shirt
on fire. Somewhere in the dungeon that was the Rahn mind, a one-eyed
hunchback made a note to watch out for candle vendors in the future.
After finally dunking himself in someone's tank of fish (apparently
set up for selling lunch) to put out the flames, and apologizing
profusely, James returned to the scene of the crime to confront an angry
Ranma.
"SOOO, thought you'd just torch my _clothes_ now, eh?"
"You can have what's left of mine ba--no, better idea."
"Wha, huh?"
"I'll just buy you a replacement."
"Umm, can you afford that?" James turned to the boy who had made the
comment.
"Last time I questioned the need to keep a good supply of yen on
hand, I was flat-broke in the middle of Tokyo proper. The time before
that, I thought it might be a good idea to keep some on-hand at all
times. Y'know, just in case. Well, I ended up Baghdad. They don't use
Yen very much over there. But THAT is a whole other story." James
snapped his arm out to the side, flinging off some of the excess
water. "For now, I shop."
The two shook their heads.
"Here?" Ranma questioned.
"Downtown probably."
"Watch the traffic." Hiroshi remarked.
"I'll see ya back at the dojo, okay?"
"Eh? Oh yeah. Have fun with your friends."
"And watch out for the old freak."
"The what?"
Ranma mumbled past a mouthful of noodles as Daisuke paid the cook.
"Short, wrinkled, staying at the Tendos. You wanted his mirror,
remember?
"You mean that ball of ugly--TENDO'S?!!"
"..."
"He didn't look very happy." Remarked Hiroshi a moment later.
"No," Said Daisuke, helping Ranma remove the shirt James had been
wearing a moment ago from the young martial artist's mouth. "Not happy
at all."
-----
James ran to the Tendo dojo like his hair was on fire, but without
all the yelling and screaming and smoke and... well, you get the idea.
He was basically running out of time. Somewhere, in the back of his
mind, he knew that if he didn't make good on his little mission this
world would be doomed.
Simple solution: get the mirror.
"This would have been a lot easier if Ranma had just told me this
when I showed up!" He ranted to himself angrily. "I could have finished
this up yesterday and wouldn't have to be running all over Japan looking
for a two foot tall freak of nature with an underwear fetish." He
neglected to mention that yesterday he was in no shape to take on a
martial arts master who could defeat Ranma. Even Ranma had admitted
it--not in so few words--and that had James a bit worried.
James paused to consider his own words for second, only the sound of
his shoes beating the pavement echoing in his ears.
"I must be losing it, that didn't sound as bad as I thought it
would."
A scant five minutes later, the uncanny dimension-hopper arrived at
the Tendo dojo via sidewalks and the occasional rooftop. Seemed it was
quicker to take the high road in a couple of cases. He paused one house
away from his goal, scanning the area for trouble ahead.
Nothing that would stop him on a normal day. There was his target,
the attic. He had to get to the attic. The mirror was in the attic.
Where were the Tendos?
Again, the situation tried to bother him. Not only was he doomed to
forever save one flagging reality after another, but here he was,
leaping rooftops for transportation one minute ago to sneak into the
house of the only hospitable people he'd met the next. All of it to
steal a mirror with a crack in it.
Someone had tossed the dice while on PCP when James' fate was cast,
he was sure of it. A shame there was nothing to laugh about when the
subject of his concerns was the fate of all existence.
All clear.
"Hmm." James hmm'ed.
James dropped to the yard noiselessly and pressed his back against
the house. Sounds of someone straining to practice Anything Goes in the
rear yard shortly reached his ears. Fine. He could get inside the house
anywhere from here. The windows were usually unlocked anyway.
The window was opened easily, the room scanned with practiced ease.
Akane's room, James noted, with the window unlocked. Ranma said she
regularly got into trouble with people just inviting themselves in,
you'd think she'd learn to lock the sucker after a while. Well, she was
in the backyard doing katas, so she wouldn't mind. Right?
Up to the end of the hall, stop Happi's little trap door. Pause for
breath...
BAM!
James stood ready just inside the entrance to the lech's lair, eyes
twitching, peering into every darkened inch. Silence. No one was there.
"Eeeeeexcellent." James Mr. Burns'ed.
And with that final declaration, the Traveler started his systematic
search of the Lair of Evil, one pile of women's undergarments at a time.
Something was striking salty tines of danger in his brain, but he let it
slide. After a few minutes of searching, it became clear that this was
not going to be a picnic. Among other reasons, the stupid tattoo was
really starting to hurt, like someone was holding a branding iron to his
arm. Second, the mirror was still nowhere to be found. Third, it
smelled... well, bad wasn't _quite_ the word.
Wait a minute...
James stood straight up in the center of the room, extending the
marked arm out like divining rod. He then slowly turned in a circle, the
mark--the bane of his very strange existence--sparkling red and drawing
rainbow-colored light streaks in the air. Point this way, stings worse,
flashes more. Point over there, little hurt, little flash. Point... ah,
Sailor Moon transformation type flashing. Hot and cold.
Bingo.
James walked into the indicated corner of the room, which didn't
stick out in any way. It wasn't really boring, it just didn't leap to
the mind as anything remotely important. The work of a true martial arts
Master. James paused, then carefully reached his hand into the pile of
cloth, grasping a small metal object that had some substantial weight.
Pulling it free, James was greeted with a very old-looking silver
mirror. "Cool." He turned and--
"So." Sneered the master of Anything-Goes Lechery.
"That would be my brother, I'm James." James tried to one-line.
"Your evil shall not go unpunished, 'James', and your loss of trust
shall be your downfall!"
James made a 'harrumph!' type of noise and decided to get down to
business. "You want the mirror, you can take it!"
Happosai's eyes narrowed. James remained in position, watching the
old man like a hawk. For long seconds, nothing happened, just the sight
of one very large, very tall American staring at one very small, very
old, very, very lecherous and very powerful martial artist.
Until James made a grab for the panties.
When in doubt, attack the other guy's principle.
"NO!" Happosai screamed, whipping out a spheroid... thing that had a
fuse on it and looked disturbingly like a ridiculous cartoon bomb, and
tossed it at James.
James stopped on the proverbial dime--the explosive sailing right
past the front of his face--and turned to face the master, who was
nearly glowing with anger. James lowered his eyes. "Here," He held out
the mirror.
"That's more like it!" Happi swiped the object from James' hands at
warp 5, and James was immediately after another pile. "Hey! You
INGRATE!"
BOOM!
This time the dimension-traveler turned time-line savior turned petty
thief got blasted out of the attic in a cloud of dust, wood splinters,
and women's underwear. He stood up in the middle of an alley some five
blocks away, with a minor number of scratches and bruises. At least the
lech wasn't trying to kill him. He'd live.
Then he paused to look at his clothing.
"Oh shit," Then he carefully pocketed the mirror. It looked like that
little task had cost him something important after all.
-----
Back in the attic....
"That weakling. No fighting talent at all. Stupid gaijin..." Mumbled
Happosai, looking at his prize.
"Wha?" A plate of Akane's cooking stared at the Master. Well, not
literally, but a few more minutes and it just might.
The master stared back at the plate.
The master was getting a little confused.
The master got angry.
Then the master paused to wolf down the food like a starving man,
then turned to recover what was rightfully his from the hands of the
intruder... just... just as soon as his stomached stopped hurting.
"Oh, Akane-chan, why? Owwweee...." Pained Happosai from his fetal
position on the floor.
-----
In the relative safety of a street, some ten blocks away from the
Tendo's, James smiled.
Maybe this would be a piece of cake after all. Maybe.
He held the mirror at arms length, looking it over as well as he
could for now. The tattoo had stopped hurting as soon as he left the
scene of the crime, and hadn't bothered him since. He wondered why the
blasted thing acted like a dog biting its owner to help navigate him.
Maybe a pleasant voice in English was too much to ask? However nice it
was to have some kind of indicator to his goals, he would still vastly
prefer something that didn't distract him by causing pain. Not that
there was anything he could do about it, of course, but if he did find a
way to 're-program' the thing, or whatever, he would take a chance.
He took a shortcut to the nearby park Ranma had taken him through on
his first day in town and just wandered for a while, taking in the
sights and sounds of a modern Tokyo suburb. It was handy to know the
language, but a little distracting when he wanted to feel isolated. From
experience, he felt isolated only when there was no one around or when
any people within earshot spoke a language he couldn't understand.
It was a strange feeling to have people about, but feel like you
weren't part of the whole, like a benign but still unwanted cancer.
Thankfully, even though he was in Japan, Nerima was a very homely
place. Seeing Ranma's curse in action was awfully strange, and to hear
the boy talk, it seemed like his condition was quite unusual, including
unwanted fiancees and all.
Despite the craziness, it was still pleasant just to stop for a
moment and breathe; something he hadn't done very much as of late.
Maybe, just maybe, he could retire to a place like this someday.
Someday.
-----
Some philosophers think that the universe is a thing of order and
chaos, and the two must always be kept in balance. In a smaller, more
focused school of thought, it is widely believed that opposites
attract--when referring to people, not just inanimate objects. An
observant person would note that the two areas are virtually the same;
chaotic people draw people of order to balance themselves and
visa-versa.
People like James Rahn and Ranma Saotome just think the universe
selectively has it out for him/him/her. That said, it was no great
surprise to either party that one came flying out of the air to crash
into the other, who was out lamenting his trashed clothes.
"Hey," Said Ranma, getting off of James and dusting himself off.
"Hey yourself," Remarked James, regaining his feet likewise and
looking forlornly over his more or less worthless outfit.
"James, ya look like crap. What happened?" Asked Ranma.
"The resident master martial artist. You?"
"Akane,"
"Forget I asked. Ready to go shopping?"
"Again? Aww, I just came _from_ the mall,"
"Oh," James grew a crooked little smile before Ranma stomped it out
with a glare. "Really?" James said seriously.
"Yeah, her an' Yuka were out... ya know, doin' girl stuff and
shopping and things... and,"
"You said hi, she remarked something else, you put your foot in your
mouth and she took one passenger on the Akane express, right?"
"Umm, that's about it. Say, why aren't you dead? Did ya really go
after the old lech?" Ranma questioned, nervous to talk about his latest
argument with Akane.
"Well, he kinda tossed me around a bit, but nothing I couldn't
handle. All the piles of underwear were perfect for making a soft
landing."
"You actually got into his 'collection'?" Said Ranma in genuine
surprise.
"A master thief should go right to the heart of the matter, or some
such bunk like that. At any rate, I feel the need for a suit coming on,
and since I have nothing better to wear--"
"And you're wearing it."
"Er... yeah. Anyway, back to the mall?"
Ranma shrugged. "Fine. I don't wanna go home just--"
The ground started to rumble. It wasn't serious shaking by any
stretch of the imagination, but James looked a bit surprised. Ranma just
stood in place, taking the tremor in stride. Then James shrugged.
Japan. Earthquakes happened frequently here, big deal.
Then Ryouga came blasting up from the ground--literally--forcing
Ranma to roll away into a fighting crouch to shield himself from the
debris.
James looked totally nonplused. "Hi,"
"Um, hello. Do you know the way to..." Ryouga began, then blinked at
the Traveler as the dust settled. "Why, aren't you..."
"American? Tall?" James grinned maniacally. "DUSTY?!! Look at this!"
James pointed at his clothes and started mumbling.
Ryouga pulled himself out of the hole his entrance had made, his pack
and umbrella clearing the edges with room to spare.
"Shishi hokudan?" Questioned Ranma, off to the side, as James started
warming up a full-scale senseless rant.
Ryouga nodded his ascent. "Yeah. Who is this guy?"
It was Ranma's turn to blink, though not from the dust. "His name's
James Rahn. He's... uh, from another dimension--or so he says."
Ryouga blinked.
"Don't ask about the dimension bit." Ranma amended.
"He a martial artist?" Asked Ryouga.
"Not really." Then Ranma grinned. "Against you, I could understand."
"Ranma..." Ryouga growled.
"Save it for later, piggy, I'd rather not get rolled twice today. I
just wanna enjoy the scenery. The scenery, great and luscious and--is
that a rock garden? Look at this place!" He pointed at the hole, "I'm
TRYING TO TAKE A VACATION and..." James rambled on, wandering aimlessly
in and out of conversation, though more out than in, really.
Under normal circumstances, this line of 'conversation' would have
grown into a full-blown brawl between Ranma and Ryouga, but these were
not normal circumstances. The sight of a tall and extremely dangerous
gaijin going into full rant mode proved a distraction strong enough to
hold off the long-time rivals from getting it on in a public place.
Besides, James was something new in a cesspool of strangeness, and
deserved to be both watched closely and feared greatly.
"James!" Ranma shouted in the Traveler's direction.
"Power to spare, might I... eh, what?" James said, a little
disoriented.
"You were going shopping?" Ranma prompted.
"Yes. Shall we?"
Ryouga looked at Ranma. "We?"
"He's like this," Ranma said to Ryouga as an answer to the Lost Boy's
look.
"WAHAHAHA!!! NOW I HAVE YOU!"
"Wha--?" Ranma barked in surprise before a projectile of lechery
bowled him over to get at James.
It was by pure reflex that James was kept from mortal harm as he
dodged to one side, letting the blurring brown ball that was the Master
of Anything Goes Martial Arts Lechery blow past him.
"--the hell was that?!" James finished as he regained his feet.
The figure--which was well under a meter in height--drew up on its
tiny legs and fixed James with a look of bone-chilling hatred burning
his is beady eyes. "I have you now, you worthless thief!"
"Who, me?" Asked James.
To any sane human being, the battle aura Happosai was emitting sent a
direct message to the brain saying something along the lines of 'RUN
AWAY NOW!'. For James, a tickle at the back of his neck was the only
warning he had facing Happosai's wrath.
"STEALING! From MY collection! You're all the same. Not one shred of
respect--"
"Old man, this goes way beyond you, I, and underwear. Now drop it."
"I don't think so, but if that's the way you want to play it..." The
Master reached into his uniform to grasp a small piece of folded paper
and shake it menacingly in James' direction. "I can play just fine!"
Without the need of vocal communication, James, Ranma and Ryouga
tackled the master as one, smashing the ugly ball a good two feet into
the sidewalk. All three fighters stood up a second later, one crushed
pervert at their feet.
"Well, at least I feel better. TO THE SUIT!" James power-posed.
"I wish more gaijins were this funny," Ryouga was heard commenting as
the trio made their way towards some clothing shop in the distance. In
their wake, the short figure stirred slightly.
"I shall not forgive this, James Rahn." Rose from the hole in the
pavement formerly known as Happosai. "You will regret the day you
crossed me! Urk... pan... ties...."
And so it began.
-----
"This one?"
"I don't think so,"
"This one?"
"I don't know."
"You're supposed to be helping me!" James slammed his fist down on
the rack of pants angrily, which emitted a snapping sound and
collapsed under the force of his assault. "Oops."
"Now you've done it," Ranma chuckled as he surveyed the damage. He
was bored; there was no reason for him to be inside the store, but at
least James was mildly entertaining. And, at this rate he'd rather face
Akane or Mr. Tendo... rather than go wandering around with Happosai on
the loose. Then again, Happosai was after James, and James...
James was shopping.
James was not shopping well.
James didn't like shopping on general principles.
He didn't even like the _word_.
Which made his situation more than a little humorous to Ranma.
Fitting clothing to James' frame in Japan was like trying to hide an
elephant behind a fire hydrant, only somehow harder, because James
didn't just want _clothing_. No, he had to _look good_, whatever that
meant. When it came to suits, James just had to look good. And since
James couldn't just rent one, he was going to shell out a hefty sum of
cash, which meant he should make his purchases worthwhile. Anyway, that
was the general gist, but that fact that he had a boatload of money
(which earned him a few strange looks from the store clerks they had
seen thus far, but little help) didn't seem to increase the local suit
availability factor.
And no, according to James, shopping in the strip or anywhere within
a country klick of downtown Tokyo was NOT on his list of To-Do items.
So here they were, poking through a discount shop (and James knocking
things down, over, etc) just outside of Nerima that had a promising
array of clothing available. At least here he had a large selection,
which increased the likelihood he would actually find something
suitable, in which case Ranma wouldn't have to chuck him back into the
canal he'd fished himself out of.
"Okay, how about this one?" In the background, Ryouga righted the
clothing rack, glaring at James.
"Might fit," Said Ranma, attempting and failing to hold a carefully
bored tone as James prattled through the clothes.
After a moment, he stood bolt upright, nearly whacking his head
against the low ceiling of the store for approximately the nine
hundredth time since they had entered, and declared he was ready to make
a trip to the dressing room. "These look good. I'll be back in just a
minute, okay?"
"Fine. Go. We'll be right here." Ranma said, managing to hold a
straight face.
"What he said," Remarked Ryouga as he stepped up behind Ranma,
putting one heavy, calloused hand on the pig-tailed boy's shoulder
roughly.
"Don't burn the joint down," James departed for the dressing rooms,
really just a series of small divided closets at the far end of the
store, closets with colorful curtains to keep other patrons--or even
passerby's on the street--from seeing in. To his good fortune, James
found the clothes a good fit. Swiping his second outfit almost
negligently after walking around shortly in the suit, he paid for and
dressed fully in his new clothes.
"Whadda ya think, boys?" He said in a falsetto Brooklyn accent.
"What?"
"What?"
James sighed and shook his head. His navy-blue pin-stripe suit was
having ZERO effect on the two kids. Didn't these people ever hear of the
Yakuza? He even had the fedora, for crying out loud!
He gestured to emphasize the importance of The Suit. Ranma and Ryouga
just blinked again like a couple of beached fish. With another disgusted
shake of his head, James paid three times what the suit (and
accessories, and other clothing, and some lollipops) was worth without
concern, then left the store. Outside, he took a deep breath of the
fresh springtime air, marveling at how the sun beamed down onto the damp
ground, his only concern the last task he had left to accomplish before
leaving.
Leaving.
What a shame... he did wish he could stay longer. Now, if that stupid
tattoo stuck to his arm had a goddamn instruction manual, things would
be a different story, in which case I wouldn't bother writing this one,
but...
The tattoo started screaming. This, James would ignore on general
principles, as it couldn't literally scream, of course. But at that
moment, if it had a voice, it would have screamed. A sound of ancient
woes and lost loves and the pain of seeing fallen comrades peppered with
a fear beyond understanding would have given it nicely seasoned voice,
lent it their sorrows, to hear such a scream.
In this case, James not only heard it, somehow, but his arm also
caught on fire.
"YEEEOOOOUUCCHH!!!"
"Now I send you to Hell."
Then the Traveler's blood ran cold.
"What do you want, you old freak?!" Shouted Ranma, instantly taking
up a fighting stance the right of the shocked Traveler. James didn't
move except to place his flaming appendage just in front of Ranma, who
stepped back a bit at seeing James' arm on fire and James not really
caring.
"Put that thing away, you have no idea what it contains." James said
warily to the pissed off martial arts master in front of him.
"No. I think it's time you learned a lesson, young man."
"Don't patronize me, you piece of dried up jerky--ow!"
Happosai landed lightly on his feet, just out of range of Ranma or
James' attacks. James rubbed his head; none of them had even seen the
short man move.
"And now," Happosai said, slowly pulling apart the wadded up piece of
paper he'd been holding earlier. "You get yours, Rahn."
"NOOOOOOOO!!!"
Time went into slow motion.
Ranma dove for Happi, who jumped out of the way and tossed the paper
at Ryouga's feet. Ryouga whipped out his umbrella in preparation to
attack the lech. James took off the ruined top to his suit calmly, a
sickly red light pulsing from his right forearm through the toasted
undershirt. Ranma launched a stream of solid attacks against the
height-challenged martial artist and received a pipe on the chin for his
efforts. Ryouga gave a mighty swing, also missing Happosai but giving
the concrete sidewalk (and later the road workers) Hell.
Happosai then proceeded to dance around James, laughing maniacally as
he rained blow after blow on the unprotected interloper. As James tried
to wrestle up some defense, he saw smoke billowing out of the paper like
a dozen weekend edition newspapers were ready to catch aflame. However,
this smoke was a pale blue in color, and most certainly did NOT remind
James of a certain television show's cheesy special effects.
"My God!" He yelled, giving away the author's best pun. "It IS Power
Ranger special effects!"
Happosai was distracted for only a fraction of a second, the smallest
hole appearing in his guard, but it was enough for James to back out of
range, shouting to find Ranma and Ryouga. Ranma pulled himself out of a
nearby wall and waved, but he couldn't see Ryouga. A grunt of pain
caught James' attention to his right and he returned it a second later
as a small but incredibly hard object slammed into his stomach.
James doubled over coughing and gasping, only to still look down on
Happosai, who stood in front of him twirling his pipe idly.
"Fancy meeting you here," James managed to gasp out after a second.
The smoke wasn't getting any thicker, but it wasn't clearing either.
Ranma was shouting Ryouga's name, but James knew somewhere inside that
he was in serious trouble. What demon Happosai had let loose James
couldn't name to save his life, but whatever it was called, it had
probably just taken over Ryouga's body; he was nearest to ground zero.
James glared hatefully at the martial artist, who just sneered back
in silence.
"Okay. Okay you," James squared his shoulders. "You've tortured us
enough for today. You didn't own that damn mirror and shouldn't have
that seal either. You've caused enough trouble for _five_ evil people!
It's high time I started laying the smack down."
"Talk talk talk. Don't you have anything better to say? Or maybe you
have a few pairs of my silky precious to offer for your insolence."
"Heh. It's your lucky day, old man." Then James spit at the master's
eye.
Happi dodged the wad of phlegm and God-knows-what-else with ease, but
only barely blocked the snake-quick strike aimed for his head. Suddenly,
James was in a whole new league, moving like the wind, his fists
whistling, smashing concrete with ease. "JAMES!" And suddenly his
wasp-like concentration was interrupted.
"What?"
"Happosai, NOT the BUILDINGS!"
"Huh?" James blinked. "He was right there a second ago!"
James frantically looked around for his target that only a
split-second ago had been within his grasp.
"Looking for someone?" Called a voice above them.
James and Ranma turned as one to face Happosai, instinctively moving
to guard each other's flanks. Happosai stood behind a billowing cloud of
smoke atop a nearby building. He cackled evilly behind his flimsy
shield, preparing to taunt his playmates down below. {I should be hanged
for making puns this subtle.} Ranma and James held their ground, eyeing
the area carefully. Both noted at the same instant that Ryouga was
nowhere to be seen. Happosai was known to dabble in the black arts; in
fact, anything he did came under extreme suspicion (magical or not).
James in particular had a bad feeling about this one, especially with
the way his tattoo was pulsing with eldritch light, and burning his skin
like a block of dry-ice was strapped to his arm. Strangely, the pain no
longer distracted him either, instead focusing his thoughts, carefully
locking the target before him in mind and freeing it from other tasks
{his mind, that is, not Happi}.
All the same, James ground his teeth together in anger. "Well, any
other parlor tricks to amaze us with, or was that it?"
"I think it's time you two learned a lesson. Ranma, how could you
share secrets of the Anything Goes school with this... this... vile
interloper."
"Vile?!" James shouted in shock.
"Interloper? I haven't shown him nothin'!" Ranma protested loudly.
"Ranma, that's a double-negative." James whispered.
"Die, Freak!!!" Ranma was content to yell as James made warding
gestures. Ryouga suddenly bounded out of the debris field to his right,
and James steered the Lost Boy toward Happosai, following on his heels.
Ranma opened with a dive-kick that Happosai easily deflected with his
tiny wooden pipe, dodged Ryouga's earth-shattering strikes, and...
blinked.
James descended from above with a war cry, ready to skewer the lech
with a well-placed kick when the tiny form grabbed a flailing Ryouga by
the ankle and flung him into James. The two crashed into a nice, soft
brick wall in much the same manner as a like a wrecking ball might. In
the process, James' hair got messed up and Ryouga's tunic was slightly
scuffed. At that same moment, Ranma launched a surprise attack at
Happosai's back, knocking the perverted master across the street where
he regained his footing and growled something about panties.
That was when James latched onto the master, biting and clawing with
everything he had. Ranma stood in amazement as James fought about as
dirty he could. Ryouga hefted a smashed chunk of the sidewalk over his
head, preparing to throw it when James got out of the way, or rather
when James got right _in_ the way.... After a few moments of brutal
struggling, Happosai finally untangled himself from James. The Traveler
growled like a caged animal as he was thrown away, only to see Happosai
get slammed into the ground by an immense piece of concrete half an
instant later {pretty fast, huh}.
"In... grates..." The mauled martial arts master hissed, crushed the
ground. "Oh... you'll pay."
"I think not." James said, his voice shaky. "You don't yet know what
revenge is." Something in James' tone reminded Ranma of metal crushing
ice. James was severely pissed--probably best to keep his distance...
especially with his arm glowing like Hellfire.
The wizened master glared at James for a second, then bound straight
up, zooming over rooftops faster than the eye could follow.
"Damn it!" Ranma yelled. "He's probably going to recharge."
"He's probably going to go off and die." James said.
"He just doesn't _do_ that, though." Ranma exclaimed.
"He doesn't?" James raised an eyebrow.
"Tell him, Ryo--Ryouga?" Ranma frowned. "Well that tears it, he's
wandered off again."
"Not good. Happosai could've done something to him." James said.
"What makes ya think that?" Ranma asked.
"Just one of those feelings." James said, brushing past Ranma in the
general direction of the dojo, picking at his torn suit.
"Sorry 'bout your clothes, man."
"It happens. Not your fault."
Ranma grinned and shrugged; he liked hearing that.
-----
On the way back to the dojo, James finally shucked the last of his
good suit to reveal a second set of clothing underneath: a ninja suit.
Ranma stared.
Then he stared some more.
And when he was done with all that, he went back to staring.
"What?" James finally asked.
Ranma continued to (you guess it) stare at James' first-rate replica
of a classical ninjitsu suit. It reminded him of Kuno's retainer: the
greatly annoying thing known as Sasuke. James, however, was easily twice
Sasuke's size and three times the ninja's weight. Ranma started to
snicker after he pictured James kicking the crap out of Sasuke with
American wrestling moves, and didn't stop until long after they reached
the dojo.
James came out of the bathroom, clad in a generic wool business like
his first, but in a slightly different shade of gray. He still had the
ninja suit on underneath, but didn't need to wear it right now. He
figured it was probably time to leave and let Ranma and Ryo--
James ran into Ranma from behind. Not deliberately, understand. The
teen had been just around the corner of the ground floor, by the foot of
the stairs, staring at something through the kitchen window. After both
picked themselves up, Ranma pointed out the window, grabbing James by
the collar.
"James, I think we have a problem."
James followed Ranma's pointing finger while trying vainly to breathe
or at least pry loose the boy's fingers so that his head wouldn't come
flying off like a champaign cork any second now. After a moment of
furious struggle, Ranma finally let go, but continued to stare out the
window. Coughing, James got a good look at the city.
His eyes widened. "Christ, we have to stop him!"
Ranma nodded and the two quickly made their way out the back, the
sounds of growling and small ki-blasts coming from the center of Nerima
district. In the back yard, Kasumi appeared to be watching the
fireworks.
"James-san, Ranma. Are you going out?"
"Don't SAY that!" James responded, then blinked. It wasn't the
words...
"Say what?"
James blinked. He looked at Kasumi's placid expression and then at
the destruction being wrought just a few dozen blocks away. "Never
mind." Something didn't compute, so he just did as always, nodding
dumbly while he followed Ranma over the rear fence into the street.
HONK!
James and Ranma both jumped straight up, a brown Honda just barely
missing them. "HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" James yelled after the
frightened driver. "That guy..." He muttered.
"Let's go!" Ranma egged on, sprinting for the disturbance. After a
few paces, he easily jumped onto the nearest roof.
"Hey!" James shouted from below.
"I'll meet you--holy!" Ranma's eyes bugged out.
"What?" James asked, worry clawing at his gut like a sleepy cat.
"It's... It's Ryouga?"
"I KNEW this day was going to suck..."
------
At the scene of the crime, Ranma and James had plenty of debris to
hide behind. That was good, because Ryouga--encased in a green and
orange aura that flickered like a firefly on its twelfth drink--was
tossing around miscellaneous chunks of the sidewalk, nearby buildings,
cars, etc. while screaming in a rage. Ducking behind what used to be
some part of the roadway, James could see several bicycles parked by a
flaming restaurant just down the street. He considered using one to
approach Ryouga rapidly and maybe knock him down, when a green fireball
slammed into the restaurant, burying the bikes under about five thousand
pounds of dirt and concrete.
"Damn," James swore, impressed.
Then Ranma jumped over the pile to deliver a flying kick aimed at the
back of Ryouga's head. Following his lead, James rolled across the
street to another piece of cover, firing off a blast from his hand in
the process.
"What the fuck?" James stared at his hand. He only just realized it
then, but his entire body was covered by a dim red-purplish aura,
radiating out from the tattoo on his forearm. "Hey, this could be
useful," He looked up to see Ranma fly by overhead and slam into the
side of a building, upside-down. Maybe he planned that... naw.
James fired off two more quick blasts, drawing Ryouga's attention.
The martial artist turned towards James and fired a small orange
ki-blast at him. James leaped away, feeling the pile get blasted into
oblivion behind him. He and Ranma quickly regrouped in an alleyway
another few blocks away from the rampaging teen.
"So, this happen often?" James asked off-hand.
"This? Huh-uh. Never did anything like it before. An' I don't like
the way his eyes are glowin'." Ranma said, panting.
"They're glowing?" James asked.
"Yeah, they're glowing bright yellow. Or, like gold." Ranma said.
"Damn it! DAMN IT!" James cursed.
"What?" Ranma asked.
"Demon. Called up by a cult called the Black Tide. They summon these
things, say they're spirits from the deep, and place their souls into an
unwilling person to use them as a tool of destruction." James said
quickly, as if rattling off a simple fact.
"How do you know all this?" Asked Ranma, somewhat confused by James'
rapid-fire wording.
"I... I..." James sighed. "I don't know. There's something _like_
them on the last place I was at... I knew about them too, but I can't
remember _how_." He took another deep breath. "Look, just... don't worry
about right now. It's probably the tattoo. It can banish this things,
destroy it's soul--hopefully without killing Ryouga... unless you want
him dead."
"Uh... no. We fight a lot, but he's kinda my friend..." Ranma said,
looking at the ground.
"Then it's settled: we'll save him. Now we just have to weaken him."
James said.
"Okay, a plan! ... How are we gonna do that?!" Ranma shouted.
Another fireball came in for a close encounter and put a car-sized
crater in the ground outside of their hiding place, followed shortly by
more indistinct growling.
"With Ryouga doing a Godzilla impersonation on Tokyo? Run. Running
should work just fine." James said.
"Hey, Ranchan! What's gotten into Ryouga-kun?!" Shouted a female
voice. James ducked at the noise but quickly realized there was no real
threat and tried to make himself presentable as the figure drew closer.
"Ucchan? You shouldn't be here. The old freak did somethin' to him."
Ranma said.
After a year in San Francisco, James had no problem telling the
person standing in front of them was a girl. (A fairly attractive one
too, by his standards.) "Hey, who is this?"
"Her name's Ukyou. An old friend of mine," Ranma said.
"Fiancee, you cad." She said, somewhat jokingly.
"Oh, hello Ukyou." James said, bowing.
"Hello..."
"James, James Rahn." James offered.
"All right, Rahn-san--" Ukyou began.
"Don't SAY that."
"Say what?" She said, scowling.
"Never mind." James shook his head. "To the battle!"
"But you said we should--" Began Ranma.
"Never listen to a running man, boy!" James shouted in pale imitation
of Genma.
"Right. Sure." Ranma said flatly as he chased after the dimension-
crossing martial artist.
"Don't forget about me!" Shouted Ukyou, hot on their tails.
After a few moments of dodging ki blasts and throwing insults back,
James was pretty much convinced he was screwed six ways from Sunday.
When Ryouga threw a light pole at him--perhaps to congratulate him on
living so long, in a perverse sort of way, he KNEW he was screwed...
well, that didn't bear any further thought. Ukyou and Ranma were fast
enough to stay out of Ryouga's range, but even with the massive pole-arm
Ukyou had produced from thin air, they just weren't doing enough damage
to hurt him.
James thought through his options while he closed and traded blows
with the possessed martial artist. Short of using a Sherman tank, he
wasn't going to kill the boy. Knocking him out had proven impossible
thus far. James then ducked a kick and executed a low sweep, knocking
his opponent down. There was one option, but it wasn't the sort of
behavior he was inclined to engage in. It always made him feel like...
like less of a human being whenever he acted that way. Ryouga bounced to
his feet, then floated up off the ground, negating any further
foot-sweeps.
"Great," Commented James, before being kicked into a specialty
tea-shop.
"Shouldn't this be slowing him down?" Asked a bedraggled Ukyou.
"He should be dead!" Ranma hissed. "Even with HIS stamina! Somethin'
is REALLY wrong here!"
The pair was hiding behind some massive crates near a restaurant that
had just been flattened. Separated from James just after rejoining in
combat, they'd come out for a second round only to be put on the
defensive. James had taken his lumps too, and Ryouga wasn't slowing
down at all. Now it was time to get desperate.
"Maybe if we had a Shinto priest on hand..." Ukyou mumbled aloud.
"Huh?" Ranma asked with his usual attention to detail.
"You know, someone that could... uh, exorcise this thing?" Her eyes
lit up and she looked almost hopeful. "Say, did he eat any of Akane's
cooking recently?"
"Don't think so. James did, but he's still alive."
Ukyou blinked, complete with sound effects. "Really? Well, we can
just let those two monsters battle it out and have a little time alone
together..." She scooted closer to Ranma, who started to develop a
twitch in one hand.
"Ah... that is... uh, to say I... meant that--"
"OW! Oh, Hell!"
THUD!
"James?!" Ranma practically leapt to the smoking man's aid, pulling
James out of the small crater he'd made on impact. "Are you okay, man?"
"Owie..." James eyes rolled in his head, independent of one another.
"Great, looks like it's just the two of us."
Ukyou hefted her battle spatula confidently. "Then let's do this."
They jumped to battle.
-----
James came to a few moments later, laying on the ground almost buried
in a mountain of fried noddles.
"Ah, this isn't too bad."
A building fell down somewhere. James watched the dust rise in great
clouds in the distance.
"Pretty nice, in fact."
Someone yelled something in Chinese, and there was another small
explosion.
"What the fuck?!!" James sat bolt upright, grimacing. "I'm okay..."
He hissed through clenched teeth. "It _will_ heal... OW!"
As another house was knocked down, James finally got to his feet. His
suit was trashed and covered in Chinese food--mostly ramen noddles. He
wasn't seriously injured, but he wouldn't be going down hill skiing for
a while. He had suddenly acquired a minor fear of falling. No... that
wasn't right, it was being thrown.
Thrown? Images came to the Traveler in a rush. Gasping for breath as
the blur of color and shapes subdued from his vision, he could only nod.
Stumbling from the wreck of the restaurant (who would name their
place the Black Brick Cafe anyway?), James found his bearings, surveying
the massive damage to the ward with a stoic eye.
It was time to go Rahn.
He bolted for the center of combat, the tattoo on his arm glowing
like a rod of nuclear waste sewed under his skin.
"Raaagghh!!!" Echoed the being formerly known as Ryouga Hibiki. It
had finally declared victory over the two pests bothering it and was
ready to finish up it's business of destroying the rest of the known
world.
It was a rough job, but somebody had to do it.
James closed on the demon like track star--quickly and with little
wasted energy. Just as the demon was turning it's head, James plowed
into it's side with a spinning/flying kick that pushed it backwards a
dozen yards. James landed easily on his feet, facing the monster, hands
resting by his sides. He eyes were almost glazed over; wide open and
taking in everything, but focusing on something just beyond normal
perception.
The thing that held Ryouga growled a growl that shook the earth, then
stood to it's full height facing James. Ryouga was fairly large for a
Japanese teen ager, and the demon spirit in his system had already made
him a head taller. His skin was covered in some places with thick
scales, and it looked like he'd gained an extra twenty kilos of muscle.
All traces of human intelligence were gone from it's eyes, however,
leaving only the blood lust; the intent to kill and dismember
indiscriminantly written plainly across it's face.
James didn't say a word or so much as twitch. He was waiting for the
demon to make the first move.
The demon eyed James for roughly ten seconds before barging forward
head first, intent on simply bashing James into next week. The nimble
martial artist quickly closed the gap at the same time, simply walking
through Ryouga's guard like it wasn't even there. The beast turned
quickly, looking intently for James, who landed lightly on the monster's
head. As a large hand, harder than stone, came up to swat him away,
James jumped off with a summer sault and fired a blast of red energy as
he landed. This time, the beast rocked back and _screamed_. James felt
as if his eardrums were going to tear themselves loose and setup a
picket line.
The demon charged again, claws extending from his hands and whistling
through the air. James just barely dodged out of the way, then threw a
long kick into the monster's chest and followed through with another
small blast.
The demon backed off slightly, actually looking at James with some
measure of respect in it's clouded eyes.
Both seemed to rear back slightly, preparing for a powerful attack,
then James just fired a massive red ball of cackling energy without so
much as blinking. The demon was readying for an all-out assault (such
tactical abilities as subtlety were not a large part of it's thought
process), and hence, had no defense against the huge ball of magic that
slammed into it.
For a full minute, Ryouga's form writhed in the sickly red flames
that did not burn his clothing while James slumped to the ground,
staring dumbly ahead; totally spent. The flames died down slowly,
returning Ryouga to the ground only slightly toasted. His form was
almost completely back to normal (which meant the small fangs and all),
without a mark on him.
James stayed in place, sitting in the rubble with a blank look on his
face until Ranma and Ukyou ran up.
"Is he dead?" Asked Ranma nervously, holding his arm. Both looked a
little battered and were pretty much exhausted, but neither was
seriously injured.
Ukyou walked over to Ryouga with her guard up until she nudged him a
few times with her toe. Then she bent over to get a better look at
him. "Hey, he looks back to normal. Breathing too; he's alive."
"That's good to hear," Ranma said, letting down his guard. "Hey,
James. Are you okay?"
James didn't respond for a few seconds, only speaking just as Ranma
waved a hand in front of his face. "No."
Then he collapsed.
-----
The rain was pouring again; entire clouds of moisture dropping onto
the battered landscape en masse with the same relentless fury as a
platoon of Marines.
These were perfectly normal conditions to the residents and there was
much rejoicing.
James was ready to leave by the day's end, declaring he didn't get
hurt much, he was just a little shocked. The tattoo could talk to him,
and spent most of the afternoon berating him for being such a bonehead
and eternally thanking the powers that be (which James apparently worked
for) that James able to eventually get it right. James spent a few hours
listening, then a few arguing, and the Tendo home got to see a full rant
right in their back yard as James bitched out his own right arm {just
picture this... creepy, isn't it?}.
Ryouga wasn't even bruised, but he seemed a little mellowed out. He
didn't remember anything and promptly got lost before James could give
the him a piece of his mind.
Ukyou teased Akane about her missing the big fight, which somehow
resulted in a Ranma malleting, but James gone by the time that came to
pass.
And as the week went by, things went back to normal.
Until Ranma walked into the Nekohanten for lunch...
-----
"Son-in-law, please, sit down and tell me about this battle you were
involved in. I hear Ryouga really cleaned your clock." Cologne said,
perched behind the counter.
"Well, heh. I suppose so, but he took his licks too." Ranma replied
nervously.
"All good then, I take it."
"Yeah, James took care of him. He came back yesterday, you know."
"This James character?"
"No, Ryouga. We fought again, the usual."
"And so it goes, son-in-law." Cologne said with a chuckle, setting a
bowl of piping hot ramen in front of Ranma, who gobbled it up like a
starving man. "Have you ever thought of settling down, having some
kids... maybe teaching a few classes?"
"Uh... I'd like to finish school first. And practice some more. I got
plenty of time to teach later... what?"
"Ah-hah." Cologne said, looking at the martial artist
strangely. "Couldn't interest you in a trip to China, could I?"
Ranma stared at Cologne for long minute, then tipped his bowl and
downed the broth in the bottom. "Nah, I'll do okay."
"That's a surprising revelation." Cologne said suspiciously.
"Not really. That gaijin was a pretty cool guy. Nice,
understanding... somewhat. But he got me thinkin', y'know?"
"You? Not likely."
"No, I'm serious. He's like, got this talking thing in his arm and
he's bouncing from one place to another with no control in his life, but
it doesn't bother him." To her credit, Cologne managed a straight face
while Ranma rattled off the facts as he knew them.
"I was under the impression from the local doctor that he ranted like
an escaped mental patient." Cologne countered.
"Um..." Ranma scratched the back of his head. "Yeah... that's what it
_seems_ like, but there's more to him than that. He didn't have to help
us--and we coulda handled Ryouga without his help--"
"Right." Said Cologne, watching as the sarcasm missed Ranma by a
country klick.
"But he helped us anyhow. Just on the principle of thing. Insane or
not, gaijin or not, he's a true martial artist." Ranma finished.
"And that's what got you thinking?"
"Pretty much. Being a martial artist is about protecting people who
can't protect themselves and helping whenever possible."
"That sounds like a highly enlightened point of view, coming from
you, son-in-law. A mature point of view."
"Well, I've always wanted to be a martial artist, a real one, like my
dad used to talk about. An' then James shows up and he ain't perfect,
but he, y'know, is a martial artist."
"So what did he do that was so good. I am, of course, assuming this
is the man who was responsible for that despicable display of
testosterone that mashed a quarter of Nerima into the ground?"
"Well, besides saving Ryouga, he said there was something else he had
to take care of, and that started the whole thing in the first place..."
"Oh really? Such as..." Cologne led on.
"Well, he said Happosai might do something bad with it, heh. Like he
hasn't tried already."
"With what?" Cologne said, hiding her worry.
"... And it was what he was here for any way..."
"Ranma!" Cologne said sharply.
Ranma looked into his empty ramen bowl. "He uh... blew up the Nanban
mirror."
-----
In Hell, the demons paused to shiver, wondering why it had
been so cold that day.
-----
"He what?!"
"He said it'd become 'unstable' or somethin', an' his boss wanted it
vaporized. So... that's what he did."
"...priceless Amazon treasure... the time-shifting Nanban mirror...
gone?" Stuttered Cologne. Sure, the recent happenings around Nerima had
her interested, but she had been occupied haggling with a vendor for
fish stock when it all happened and had kept Shampoo and Mouse busy in
her absence. Ranma attracted strange things to the district, no doubt,
but this had officially taken the cake, buried it, and built a condo on
the land.
Cologne threw her head back, utilizing an ancient Rahn technique.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
========================================================================
- fin.
I'm done! Ha ha! I'm done done done done done!
I'm done! Done! DONE!
Done! Done! Done! Done! Done! Done! Done! Done! Doooone....
Okay, it's finished. I'm too exhausted for pithy
comments now, so hang on, I have nine more episodes, two OVAs and a
movie to write.
-----
This has been an Insanity Productions production, written by:
Rick Spiff
Insanity Productions: Sometimes we forget our damn mottos, so there!