by Henry Custer

It was a nightmare!
I dreamed I had died and gone to Hell.

Waiting in line, amidst hell fire and brimstone, I finally made it to the front of the line. There sat old Beezel Bub in all his splendor.
“Why am I here?” I complained. “I worked hard all my life, made a lot of money, and took good care of my family.”
“We are not without sympathy Mr. Custer. Even though you didn’t make the cut to stay in Heaven, we do take your overall lifetime of endeavors into consideration. What exactly did you do with your life that might be significant?”

This was more like it! “Well Sir, I was a writer, an author of books,” I proudly announced.
“Oh, I see,” old Beezel Bub replied. “Well, I think we have just the place for you to spend eternity. Just follow the little Devil here to your work station.”
“Thank you Sir,” I replied gratefully, “I’ll do my best to satisfy you.”
With a gleeful laugh, Mr. Bub summoned the next person in line.
As I followed the little Devil through the red, roaring passageways, I wondered what kind of job I would have. Surely I would be a book reviewer; or possibly an associate editor of the Hell Fire Gazette.
As we turned left into a sparsely furnished room, the little Devil chuckled, turned and left the room, closing and locking the door.

It was HOT, but it was hot everywhere down here. As my eyes grew accustomed to the dimmer light of the flaming walls, I saw my workstation.
It was a beautiful computer, the latest and best model. Well, maybe this won’t be so bad.
I walked over and sat down in the reasonably comfortable chair. Within seconds, I felt the sharp spikes of a pitchfork punching me in the back!
“What the hell,” I exclaimed, thinking I was alone.
A voice from out of nowhere answered. “This is what you ask for in the Start Up sequence. If you are not Henry Custer, please log on with your ID and Password.”

I soon realized that there was no keyboard. Looking further, I found there was no mouse or touch pad. Then I noticed that the beautiful monitor was still black, even though I had turned the computer on when I first sat down.
“Just set your Preferences Sir, otherwise the default settings will determine your day to day program,” the voice prompted. “You are very lucky to have all those choices, especially down here.”
Total frustration! Was I to spend eternity trying to set Preferences where I could not even find the pop-up window?

“That is the idea Sir,” the invisible voice said gleefully, as if reading my mind, “Have a nice day.”