A Modest
Proposal
by
Jonathan Swift
A Modest
Proposal for preventing the children of poor people in
making
them beneficial to the publick.
by Dr.
Jonathan Swift. 1729
It is a
melancholy object to those, who walk through this great
town, or
travel in the country, when they see the streets, the
roads
and cabbin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex,
followed
by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and
importuning
every passenger for an alms. These mothers instead of
being
able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to
employ
all their time in stroling to beg sustenance for their
helpless
infants who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for
want of
work, or leave their dear native country, to fight for
the
Pretender in
I think
it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number
of
children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of
their
mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present
deplorable
state of the kingdom, a very great additional
grievance;
and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and
easy
method of making these children sound and useful members of
the common-wealth,
would deserve so well of the publick, as to
have his
statue set up for a preserver of the nation.
But my
intention is very far from being confined to provide only
for the
children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater
extent,
and shall take in the whole number of infants at a
certain
age, who are born of parents in effect as little able to
support
them, as those who demand our charity in the streets.
As to my
own part, having turned my thoughts for many years, upon
this
important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes
of our
projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in
their
computation. It is true, a child just dropt from its dam,
may be
supported by her milk, for a solar year, with little other
nourishment:
at most not above the value of two shillings, which
the
mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her
lawful
occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old
that I
propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead
of being
a charge upon their parents, or the parish, or wanting
food and
raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the
contrary,
contribute to the feeding, and partly to the cloathing
of many
thousands.
There is
likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it
will
prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice
of women
murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent
among
us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to
avoid
the expence than the shame, which would move tears and pity
in the
most savage and inhuman breast.
The
number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one
million
and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two
hundred
thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which
number I
subtract thirty thousand couple, who are able to
maintain
their own children, (although I apprehend there cannot
be so
many, under the present distresses of the kingdom) but this
being
granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand
breeders.
I again subtract fifty thousand, for those women who
miscarry,
or whose children die by accident or disease within the
year.
There only remain an hundred and twenty thousand children
of poor
parents annually born. The question therefore is, How
this
number shall be reared, and provided for? which, as I have
already
said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly
impossible
by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can
neither
employ them in handicraft or agriculture; we neither
build
houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they
can very
seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive
at six
years old; except where they are of towardly parts,
although
I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier; during
which time
they can however be properly looked upon only as
probationers:
As I have been informed by a principal gentleman in
the
above one
or two instances under the age of six, even in a part
of the
kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that
art.
I am
assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve
years
old, is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to
this
age, they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds
and half
a crown at most, on the exchange; which cannot turn to
account
either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of
nutriments
and rags having been at least four times that value.
I shall
now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I
hope
will not be liable to the least objection.
I have
been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance
in
old, a
most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether
stewed,
roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it
will
equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragoust.
I do
therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of
the
hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed,
twenty
thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one
fourth
part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep,
black
cattle, or swine, and my reason is, that these children are
seldom
the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded
by our savages,
therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve
four
females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year
old, be
offered in sale to the persons of quality and fortune,
through
the kingdom, always advising the mother to let them suck
plentifully
in the last month, so as to render them plump, and
fat for
a good table. A child will make two dishes at an
entertainment
for friends, and when the family dines alone, the
fore or
hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned
with a
little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the
fourth
day, especially in winter.
I have
reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh
12
pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth
to 28
pounds.
I grant
this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very
proper
for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of
the
parents, seem to have the best title to the children.
Infant's
flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more
plentiful
in March, and a little before and after; for we are
told by
a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish
being a
prolifick dyet, there are more children born in Roman
Catholick
countries about nine months after Lent, the markets
will be
more glutted than usual, because the number of Popish
infants,
is at least three to one in this kingdom, and therefore
it will
have one other collateral advantage, by lessening the
number
of Papists among us.
I have
already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child
(in which
list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths
of the
farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags
included;
and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten
shillings
for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have
said,
will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he
hath
only some particular friend, or his own family to dine with
him.
Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow
popular
among his tenants, the mother will have eight shillings
neat profit,
and be fit for work till she produces another child.
Those
who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require)
may flea
the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed,
will
make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine
gentlemen.
As to
our City of
purpose,
in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may
be
assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend
buying
the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife,
as we do
roasting pigs.
A very
worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose
virtues
I highly esteem, was lately pleased, in discoursing on
this
matter, to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that
many
gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their
deer, he
conceived that the want of venison might be well
supply'd
by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding
fourteen
years of age, nor under twelve; so great a number of
both sexes
in every country being now ready to starve for want of
work and
service: And these to be disposed of by their parents if
alive,
or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due
deference
to so excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot, I
cannot
be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my
American
acquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that
their
flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our
school-boys,
by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable,
and to
fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the
females,
it would, I think, with humble submission, be a loss to
the
publick, because they soon would become breeders themselves:
And
besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people
might be
apt to censure such a practice, (although indeed very
unjustly)
as a little bordering upon cruelty, which, I confess,
hath
always been with me the strongest objection against any
project,
how well soever intended.
But in
order to justify my friend, he confessed, that this
expedient
was put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor, a
native of
the island
above
twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that
in his
country, when any young person happened to be put to
death,
the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality, as
a prime
dainty; and that, in his time, the body of a plump girl
of
fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the
Emperor,
was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of
state,
and other great mandarins of the court in joints from the
gibbet,
at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that
if the
same use were made of several plump young girls in this
town, who
without one single groat to their fortunes, cannot stir
abroad
without a chair, and appear at a play-house and assemblies
in
foreign fineries which they never will pay for; the kingdom
would
not be the worse.
Some
persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about
that
vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or
maimed;
and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course
may be
taken, to ease the nation of so grievous an incumbrance.
But I am
not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is
very
well known, that they are every day dying, and rotting, by
cold and
famine, and filth, and vermin, as fast as can be
reasonably
expected. And as to the young labourers, they are now
in
almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, and
consequently
pine away from want of nourishment, to a degree,
that if
at any time they are accidentally hired to common labour,
they
have not strength to perform it, and thus the country and
themselves
are happily delivered from the evils to come.
I have
too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my
subject.
I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made
are
obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For
first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen
the number
of Papists, with whom we are yearly over-run, being
the
principal breeders of the nation, as well as our most
dangerous
enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design
to
deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their
advantage
by the absence of so many good Protestants, who have
chosen
rather to leave their country, than stay at home and pay
tithes
against their conscience to an episcopal curate.
Secondly,
The poorer tenants will have something valuable of
their
own, which by law may be made liable to a distress, and
help to
pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being
already
seized, and money a thing unknown.
Thirdly,
Whereas the maintainance of an hundred thousand
children,
from two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at
less
than ten shillings a piece per annum, the nation's stock
will be
thereby encreased fifty thousand pounds per annum,
besides
the profit of a new dish, introduced to the tables of all
gentlemen
of fortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in
taste.
And the money will circulate among our selves, the goods
being
entirely of our own growth and manufacture.
Fourthly,
The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight
shillings
sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will
be rid of
the charge of maintaining them after the first year.
Fifthly,
This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns,
where
the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the
best
receipts for dressing it to perfection; and consequently
have their
houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who
justly
value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating; and
a
skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will
contrive
to make it as expensive as they please.
Sixthly,
This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all
wise
nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by
laws and
penalties. It would encrease the care and tenderness of
mothers
towards their children, when they were sure of a
settlement
for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by
the
publick, to their annual profit instead of expence. We should
soon see
an honest emulation among the married women, which of
them
could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would
become
as fond of their wives, during the time of their
pregnancy,
as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in
calf, or
sow when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or
kick
them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a
miscarriage.
Many
other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the
addition
of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of
barrel'd
beef: the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement
in the
art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the
great
destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are
no way
comparable in taste or magnificence to a well grown, fat
yearly
child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure
at a
Lord Mayor's feast, or any other publick entertainment. But
this,
and many others, I omit, being studious of brevity.
Supposing
that one thousand families in this city, would be
constant
customers for infants flesh, besides others who might
have it
at merry meetings, particularly at weddings and
christenings, I compute that
twenty
thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where
probably
they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty
thousand.
I can
think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised
against
this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number
of
people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I
freely
own, and 'twas indeed one principal design in offering it
to the
world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate
my remedy
for this one individual
other
that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth.
Therefore
let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing
our
absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither
cloaths,
nor houshold furniture, except what is of our own growth
and
manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and
instruments
that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the
expensiveness
of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our
women:
Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and
temperance:
Of learning to love our country, wherein we differ
even
from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of
quitting
our animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like
the
Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their
city was
taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our
country
and consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to
have at
least one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly,
of
putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our
shop-keepers,
who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only
our
native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon
us in
the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever
yet be
brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing, though
often
and earnestly invited to it.
Therefore
I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like
expedients,
'till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that
there
will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them
into
practice.
But, as
to my self, having been wearied out for many years with
offering
vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly
despairing
of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal,
which,
as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real,
of no
expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and
whereby
we can incur no danger in disobliging
kind of
commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of
too
tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt,
although
perhaps I could name a country, which would be glad to
eat up
our whole nation without it.
After
all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to
reject
any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found
equally
innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before
something
of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my
scheme,
and offering a better, I desire the author or authors
will be
pleased maturely to consider two points. First, As things
now
stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for a
hundred
thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, There
being a
round million of creatures in humane figure throughout
this
kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock,
would leave
them in debt two million of pounds sterling, adding
those
who are beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers,
cottagers
and labourers, with their wives and children, who are
beggars
in effect; I desire those politicians who dislike my
overture,
and may perhaps be so bold to attempt an answer, that
they
will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they
would
not at this day think it a great happiness to have been
sold for
food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, and
thereby
have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as
they
have since gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the
impossibility
of paying rent without money or trade, the want of
common
sustenance, with neither house nor cloaths to cover them
from the
inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable
prospect
of intailing the like, or greater miseries, upon their
breed
for ever.
I
profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the
least
personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary
work,
having no other motive than the publick good of my country,
by
advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the
poor,
and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children,
by which
I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being
nine
years old, and my wife past child-bearing.