Remorse: beholding heaven and feeling hell.
-George Moore

Okay, I'll tell my story, but if ya plan on makin' any money off of it by writin' a book or somethin', I ain't signin' a release. I want royalties, damnit! I deserve 'em, ya know. After all, I had to live the life. I oughta get some compensation outta it. A guy's gotta get by, right?

Okay, all that aside now. I was raised by loving parents.. cough, cough.. with an older sister. She couldn't stand me at all. Still can't probably. But then, she's just a bitch anyway, so who cares? My mom was okay, my dad a loser. Sounds like I'm bitter, don't it? I wonder why. Couldn't be cause when I was 5 my dad decided to try and drown me in the bathtub cause I screamed and didn't want the damn bath. A 5 year old fightin' bathtime.. what a freak I was. My mom stood back and didn't even try to help, probably cause she was afraid she'd be next. I'd be dead now if it wasn't for a neighbor who came by to return somethin' he'd borrowed. Guy called the cops and an ambulance cause I wasn't breathin' too good. Obviously I lived through it, but I ended up with a nice fear of water cause of it. I can handle enough to shower and shit, but ya ain't gonna find me takin' anymore baths. Or goin' in water that's higher than my knees. Sound wussy? Well, I don't give a shit.

Well, my dad pretty much got outta that with a slap on the wrist and life got back to normal. Lucky me. My sister started hangin' out with losers and takin' drugs along the way and I started drinkin' when I was 10. Started with me sneakin' into my dad's beer and went on to other stuff. Was hooked on the stuff by the time I was 12. Pretty pathetic, huh? Never said I was smart or a saint. My sister did the drugs, I did the booze. We were a real close family, can't ya tell?

When I was 15 is when I started to get real interested in cars. Couldn't wait to be old enough to get my license. Spent a lotta time learnin' about 'em and how to take care of 'em and stuff. And savin' money for a good one. I got a part time job working at a car place and saved up all I could. Did a pretty good job, too. Cause the day I turned 16, I got my license and was able to buy a good car. Old Corvette Stingray, even. One that neighbor that saved my life found a good deal on. Coolest car ya ever saw. I was the happiest I'd ever been. Funny how fate takes a baseball bat and slams it into your knees, huh?

I'd had my car and license a whole 6 months when I got into it big. I'd been drinkin', did that a lot after gettin' into it with my old man. Went out to get away from it. Ya always hear about how drinkin' and drivin' is bad, but ya never think it's gonna hit you. I don't remember the whole thing, just not bein' able to see the road too well and then hittin' somethin'. Blacked out for a bit and the next thing I knew I was bein' dragged outta the car by some people. Not too nicely, either. I think they probably woulda killed me if the cops hadn't showed up. See, I'd plowed into a bunch of Arañas that were out and about. Hit four of 'em, killed two of 'em. Includin' one that was only 12. Ain't awful proud of all that, sometimes I wish the cops hadn't showed up. But they did and I went to jail for awhile. Just a little while, cause I was a juvenile and they don't do as much to drunk drivers as they should. When I got out, I started drinkin' pretty much constantly to try and forget. Yeah, I know.. stupid on top of stupid. But one day a couple months later it hit me how stupid it was. And I started to stop drinkin'. Wasn't easy at all, lemme tell ya. Sometimes I'd feel so bad for what I did that I'd wanna start again. And a couple times I broke down and got drunk again. But I started to get better and finally stopped all the way. Ain't drank even a beer for almost two years.

After I cleaned up like that, I decided I had to go try to straighten it out. Maybe I wanted to die, I dunno. But about a year ago, maybe a little less, I went to see the Arañas. To say I was sorry and tell 'em to do whatever they wanted to me cause I deserved it. I expected 'em to kill me, I guess. But they didn't. Paco'd been straightened out cause of José and he was a lot easier to deal with. He told me what I had to do was to make it up by joinin' the fight against the Strikers. I hadn't thought too much about the shit that'd been goin' on, but I agreed to join and that started it. Somewhere along the way the others started lookin' at me as an Araña too. I know some of 'em still hold it against me at least some inside. But they been real good to me and some of 'em even seem to like me. Don't think all of 'em do and I think they probably never all will. I don't blame 'em at all and I ain't gonna push it. I just wanna do what I can to make up for all the pain I caused. Maybe someday.

Great is the difference betwixt a man's being frightened at, and humbled for his sins.
-Thomas Fuller

The world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.
-Horace Walpole