We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Well isn't it awfully nice of you to take an interest in the story of little ol' me? And here I thought that you people would rather have me destroyed and forget about me completely. It brings a tear to my eye to know that you care so much more than I ever thought. And for that, I suppose I can give you at least some satisfaction. Just remember that I'm just telling my story like you asked and not trying to get anyone to feel any differently about me. I'm not into that bullshit. Anyway, into the fray we go.

Believe it or not, and I'm sure it's hard to, I was born into a rich family. That's right, social class city. Look up the Hawkes sometimes and just see if you don't believe me. I spent a good deal of my youth in a New York city penthouse. Nice enough place if you don't mind that sort of thing. I suppose I didn't for the most part. I went out as much as I could, it wasn't like my parents noticed all that much. You know the story; parents busy with work and social life, kid in the background, blah blah. Old story and a common one. Big fucking deal, right? Not like I wanted for anything, I could get just about anything that I wanted with little effort and the rest with just minimal. I did get stuck with a home tutor to avoid polluting my mind with all that common thought. That left me without the socialization with kids my own age until I was 14. Big whoop, I know. Even when I snuck out I didn't go around looking for playmates. Just excitement.

Well, along came Brittany when I was 14. She was my age and in the "right" social class. A little too preoccupied with her looks and clothes, in my opinion, but that's how she is. Never try to force a person to change how he or she is, right? She was also really preoccupied with the good looking boys, would hardly even look at those that weren't attractive. Me.. I guess I'm a little less picky. I like guys of all different sorts. Big is always nice. But it's not the only thing either. Regardless of all that shit, Brittany and I hit it off really well, became best friends quickly. When we were 16, we even got to go on a trip all by our little selves. Abroad, even. That means Europe to all of you people who have no social education. It was fun, went for an entire summer. We got in some scrapes together, but money can get you out of just about anything. I hated going back when the summer was over, but even the best things have to end. We both got to deal with our private tutors again, but that didn't stop us from spending time together. Even when it meant sneaking out, which was becoming a favorite pasttime for both of us. When we turned 18 we both went to the same college, though I have to say I wasn't really into all that scholastic shit. But college is a good time for partying, and both Brittany and I took advantage of that. We got through college, I guess that's the important thing. Even got passable grades and all that. After that, we stopped spending quite so much time together as our fates or whatever you want to call it sent us on to different places. Of course, we did spend what time we could with each other still. Never lost track of each other, at least not then.

Well, I won't go into details about things that happened for the next few years. Nothing overly exciting, at least not to read about. Saw Brittany off and on and pretty much screwed around. Getting a job wasn't an option I paid any attention to at all. Why work when you have enough money not to? That doesn't make much sense to me. But I guess some people have some odd quirks and shit. But anyway, enough of that. It was when I was 28 that my world turned in an odd and less than pleasant.. at least for awhile.. direction.

I was in San Francisco of all places, I'd been staying there for a couple of months. It was close to where Brittany was and we got together on the weekends to have fun. I'd been there about three weeks when I kept seeing this one weird guy everywhere I went.. though only at night. I say weird because he always seemed to be doing something odd whenever I caught sight of him. I mean, things like pulling out a small plant at an outdoor cafe thing and moving over to plop it down in some woman's water glass. Other weird things like that. I figured he was just a clown that wanted to get everyone's attention. And silly me, I never imagined that he could possibly be following me. Boy did I find out differently when I finally met him face to face.

I had just left Brittany's place where she'd been having a party, and I got into my Porsche to go home. I guess I was slightly tipsy at the time, though I hadn't gone so far as to get full fledged drunk. I pulled out, had gotten only a couple of blocks from Brittany's house when I glanced into the rearview mirror only to see that same guy sitting in the back seat with a kind of weird smirk on his face. Scared the shit out of me, I can tell you that. I don't remember anything else for awhile. Just stopping at a light and then things going black. And then I woke up later with one hell of a headache.

When I finally started to come to, the first thing I felt was that awful headache. Felt like my head had been split clean open. At least there were no lights on where I was, my headache appreciated it. The second thing I felt... was a chain. Or two, to be exact. One was around my ankle and the other was around my... neck. They were both attached to the wall. I tell you, I freaked then. Started to wildly try to yank the chains out of the wall, didn't even feel my headache right then. Didn't feel anything while I was doing it. I finally got exhausted and that's when the headache came back as well as a killer pain in my ankle and another in my neck. That's what I get for losing it, huh? I started yelling as best I could for help, but there was no answer. There was no goddamn light in the place so I couldn't see shit. I thought I was a goner, I'll tell you that. I was in there for hours, for the entire next day even. I was just in the middle of sleep and wake when I heard the lock click in the door across the room. I sat up really fast, I just stared in that direction. Then the lights got turned on and I closed my eyes for a little while 'cause it hurts a hell of a lot to go that long without light then have this really bright light come on. The lightbulb must have had a huge wattage, that much I can say. Before I opened my eyes, I felt this hand on my cheek. Then I opened my eyes again and pulled back as well as I could. And when I looked up, there was that weird guy again. He smiled, pleasantly even. Welcomed me to his home. Told me his name was Harlan Dressler and that I was his "guest." I started screaming at him and telling him to let me out, that my parents would get him good. You know what? The guy didn't even get phased by any of that. Amazingly enough, the threat of rich and powerful people didn't bother him at all. Imagine my surprise. He didn't stay too long, left me about a half an hour after he came in. Didn't say much to me, either. Just told me when I asked him what he wanted that... he wanted to give me a gift, although I probably wouldn't think of it like that for awhile. He wouldn't elucidate and a few minutes later he left.

He did that for about two weeks. I was keeping track of the days as best I could, I knew that he only came at night. I had no idea at that point what he was doing during the day. He'd come for a half hour or so, not say much at all, ignore what I said, and then just leave. I'd get fed some, nothing great but at least he wasn't starving me. Sometimes I wished that he would, but when it came time to eat was the only time I had anything to do besides sit there and be scared. Sleeping and eating were the only pasttimes I could indulge in, except continuing futilely to try and get out of the chains. I thought I was going to go crazy there with all that loneliness and emptiness. Hell, I began to look forward to Harlan's visits even. Go figure that. I think that's what he was looking for. Because when that became obvious was when he actually started staying a little longer and doing more than being enigmatic and quiet. It wasn't too long after that that I got to see what he really was. I can't even begin to explain to you the chill that went up my spine then. Because he didn't tell me, he showed me.

It was about a week and a half later that the door opened and I heard someone crying; begging for mercy. I waited for the pain to go away from the light before I opened my eyes and saw that Harlan had brought in another young woman. I didn't feel too good about that, I'll tell you. Although I suppose a small part of me did get a little surge of anticipation since I thought she was going to be locked up there to keep me company. Silly me. He dragged the woman in and then looked to me with this... really weird smile. Then I thought I was having an hallucination when he showed me his fangs. That's right, his fangs. Then he bit into the woman's neck. She screamed just a bit and shuddered from pain then I could see that feeling changed. Because she pressed closer to him and relaxed. One arm even moved around him. I was totally transfixed by all of this. Then after a little while she started to go limp and then finally he let her fall to the floor. She was obviously dead... she was so damn pale since he drank all her blood. I stared in horror at her when I suddenly felt his hand on my collar as he yanked me up. Then he... he kissed me. I didn't react at all for a moment, totally shocked by that. But then I couldn't help but react because well... he had some of her blood in his mouth. And he made sure that it got into mine. I tried to pull away from him as I closed off my throat but he was holding me tightly. Finally I didn't have much choice but to swallow. Damn was that a horrible taste to me. I remember gagging as he let me go, trying to spit it out. But it was down there and it wouldn't come up. He watched me as I did that, and then as I started to calm he moved toward the door. And he said something that sent chills up my spine. He told me that I'd get used to it and eventually, love the taste. But I wasn't ready yet to get his gift. And he left. Leaving the body of the woman behind. And he even left the light on for me that night so I could see the body. Nice, huh? I guess I lost it after awhile of looking at the woman, started to bawl and all that shit. That was one of the worst nights of my life, I'll tell you that. The taste of the blood was still in my mouth and he didn't leave me anything to eat that night to help cover the taste.

Okay well, just to speed the story up a bit, he continued on in that vein... pun intended... for weeks. Every once in awhile he'd bring in another victim, he'd wait for the first one to start stinking before dragging it out. He'd always drain the person in front of me and then give me that same kiss that I really dreaded, making me take in the blood and drink it. I stopped fighting that after awhile because frankly, it was easier to just quickly down it than have it sitting in my mouth. When I started doing that he started acting a bit more pleasant and even stayed awhile after feeding me the blood to watch me and tell me how well I was doing. And that I'd be ready for the gift probably sooner than he expected. I didn't know if I should be happy about that or not. He also started to tell me a little bit about himself, I won't go into that, though. I guess somewhere along the line I started to look forward to his talks, at least I wasn't so alone then. And his draining of the people stopped bothering me as much.

I can't effectively explain what makes a mind turn to start accepting things more readily. Or even makes it start looking forward to things. It wasn't long after I started accepting the blood more easily that I actually started to kind of enjoy it. I'd watch him drain the person and something in me got a little perverse enjoyment out of it. And when I saw the person start to go limp I'd get kind of excited that my turn was coming. After awhile I even asked if I could have more blood... or at least have him do it more often. I guess in there my sanity had started to fray, which seemed to be what he was looking for. When I asked him he just watched me with this strange smile and then said that I was ready for the gift. That I'd have that gift the next day because he didn't want me to get too far before he gave it. He left me that night and the next day to ponder that. About the time he was due to visit, I just stared toward the door. I thought he might be bringing another of his victims and that he was going to let me help him with it. But when he came in, he was alone. And that same strange smile was on his face. I guess my heart skipped a beat or two because I knew that something was coming that was going to scare me. He came over to me and pulled me up, but more gently than usual. He acted so oddly, running a hand through my hair and giving me just one small kiss on the lips. Then he leaned down and kissed my neck and then suddenly I felt a prick as he bit me and a rush of pain. I thought he was going to kill me. Part of me was hoping he was. Then the pleasure hit me. Damn was it nice. I'd never felt anything so wonderful in my life. I found myself acting like his victims always did and holding close to him. And when I started to realize that I was losing all of my blood, I felt so detached that it didn't really seem to matter that I was going to die. But it wasn't that easy for me. Because as he pulled off and I started to slip into oblivion, I felt his wrist at my mouth as he whispered in my ear for me to drink. It was partly out of habit and partly out of this urgent desire that I immediately opened my mouth and latched onto his wrist. And as the first drop of that liquid hit, I started to drink. I wanted as much as I could get and he gave me as much as he could handle giving me. I would've put up more of a fight when he pulled away from me, but then the pain hit. It was more pain than I'd ever felt before, but not as much as it could've been so I've learned since. But it's never a pleasant thing to feel your sanity get irrevocably ripped apart. He lowered me down to the floor gently and even went to get a blanket and pillow for me, sitting with me for most of the night before going away again. He came back many times over the next few days to do that, although within a couple of days the pain started to subside quite a bit. I felt comforted when he was there and when I started to get hungry, he brought me my first meal as a vampire. It was the first guy he'd ever brought and he left him all to me. I was famished so I guess I didn't get as much pleasure out of it as I might've. But I got enough, and over the course of the next while I started to get more. The best day of all was about two weeks after the embrace, which is when he unlocked my chains. I can't tell you how good that felt. He brought me some clean clothes, let me go up into the main part of his house to bathe and all that. I found out then why he didn't take my threats about my family too badly. He lived in this huge house, a mansion even. He obviously had a lot of money invested in the decor as well. It was impeccable, and he had a lot of great artwork all over the place. It was a very nice place. I got myself cleaned up and he showed me my new room. A very nice one it was, too.

Well, I stayed pretty much in the house for a few weeks. He'd still bring me victims and I'd feed there. But then came the day that he took me out hunting with him. That was so exciting, I'll tell you that right off. The hunt is just great. I really began to enjoy my existence, crazy or not. Harlan was fun to be around, but I felt that I was missing something. It didn't take me much thought to know what that was. I missed Brittany. I started to feel really lonely for her and I wondered what she thought had happened to me. So one night I went to visit her. I didn't expect anything to come of it but just letting her know I was all right. But when I saw her, everything just rushed out of me. I told her everything that had happened. She listened and was there for me. I guess I was more upset about it than I knew because I found myself crying and all that shit. And then Brittany did about the most self-sacrificing thing I'd ever witnessed. I told her how I was so afraid about living forever and being all alone and watching all of those I cared about die. I don't know how it happened, but somehow... she got me drinking her blood. She'd somehow convinced me to embrace her and I didn't have the will to not do it. I was so horrified when I finished and she was all curled up in pain. I took care of her after that. Didn't see Harlan for some time. I did call him to tell him I wouldn't be around for awhile, he was okay with that. But I had to take care of Brittany, it was my fault. She went through a harder time 'cause her sanity was all intact, not like mine was at the time. I figured out that Harlan wanted to embrace me when I was just starting to go nuts, didn't want to do it when I was all the way there. He likes to drive his victims just short of insanity and then turn them.

Well, I'm not going to go so much into the ensuing years. Brittany and I spent a lot of time together for some time after that, then we'd occasionally go off on our own. Harlan I saw even less, then he moved off to Europe to a house he had there. Haven't heard anything from him in awhile, I should look him up and check into him. I do feel quite a bit of loyalty to him, just like I do to my childer. Regardless of who they were to me before that. It was a couple of years ago or so that I got approached by those on Eternity's side to help them, they offered me more power in the form of Greater Vampirehood. Who was I to turn such a thing down? It led to a lot of fun times, which I'm still having. Made more childer, as you know. Most of them unwilling, though I have Dale... who needed me, the poor guy... and Mora, who I think was destined to be a Malkie. At least I take care of her, hmm? She needs a lot of help, she turned out crazier than I ever imagined she would. I got Brittany back too, which I'm very happy about. Sadly, I doubt she and Mora will ever get along. Ah well, such is the way that things go. At least we get along well enough to get things done, that's what counts. We have done a lot, we're at the top of a lot of people's lists to get revenge on. What an accomplishment! I figure they'll get me someday and that'll be it, but hey!... at least I'll have made an impact. Lots of childer left to carry on my blood, right? I have this little weakness that makes it so I have to hunt anyone that I set my sights on. I've done that quite a bit lately, I also always have to have a project. So I've embraced more than before, but the feeling of doing so is a real rush. I don't care what kind of power I give them by doing it, I just enjoy it. There have been one or two I've embraced 'cause I was pissed, like with Qawee, but mostly it's for another reason. Never know what'll draw me to someone.

Anyway, that's the whole sordid story. Aren't you glad you asked? I'm sure it made your day to learn all about me. Not like you could use any of it against me, really. But hey, it did give me the great idea to go look up Harlan. I wonder how he'd like some greater power? Hmmm. Excuse me, I have somewhere to go.