.painting.writing.music.open minds.astrology.html.kitties.fanfiction.history.poetry.dressing weird.emo boys.rain.timburton.afi.the rasmus.honesty.
home// me// site// art// web stuff// element 33// archive// ranting lunatic
March-July 2005
Saturday, March 25, 2005 // 2:08 AM
Well, this is my latest layout. Very cool, if I do say so myself! It took a fucking eternity to figure it
out. Yes, I'm quite lame. I was having a really hard time figuring out the code for the stupid drop
down box. See said box. Is it not the coolest?
Also, I archived all my old bloggy things. I didn't give them dates, so I did them by layout. They're under "Who
Are You?" in case you want to see them. And from now on I'm going to date all these things so they're
easier to archive.
And, now with that out of the way, I must rant. I'm depressed. Somebody has got to tell me if Davey really
converted to christianity. I need to know. If anyone has a bit of insight here, tell me what's up. Normally I really
wouldn't care. His life, his problem, right? Completely. And I respect him for whatever choices he makes for his own life. But
I have this whole deal with christianity where the religion itself just rubs me wrong. Rubs me like a cute little pet
porcupine might rub someone. It took me years to finally get out from under years of manipulation to realize that I'm not
a bad person. And one of the huge things that helped me get through it was their music. I mean, picture the
scenario here. You're twelve years old. Your parents have raised you all your life in a pentacostal church of god home. You
don't know anything but what you've been told is right. But you've never been happy with it. Which leads you to
think there must be something wrong with you, because if you're doubting the only truth there is in the world, or at
least what you've been told is the only truth, there has to be something wrong with you. And your parents only help to fuel this theory when you start to question their "truth" and they yell at you and basically tell you that good people don't think for themselves, they think what they're told to think and they just don't question it because it just is. So, at this point you're feeling pretty alone. You can't talk to your parents because they'll just yell at you some more. And your friends don't even understand it. I mean, I talked to Autumn and she's just like "Fuck them, just do what you think is right." Right. But what I think is right is what I've been taught all my life, and I don't like it. I mean, I felt sick thinking that I might doubt the existence of god. So going to church every Sunday and praying and all that crap felt wrong, but I knew it was what I was supposed to be doing. Anyway, so how does Davey being christian fit into this whole twisted equation? On my twelfth birthday one of my friends sent me a CD. She said that it was different from what I was used to and I might like it. But good christian children don't listen to rock music. It's bad. I actually believed that. I actually thought I was doing something wrong by listening to a fucking CD. Let's just say this: Ever seen the movie Carrie? That is my life. Minus the whole being able to move stuff with my mind.
