Email Tracking Is For Real!!!

©2003 by Ambar Enid Alcala
(Disclaimer:
Just so you don't get me wrong, this is an email I sent to Crochet Partners in response to some tension that was forming over a mistake someone made.  She sent an email which stated that it shouldn't be deleted as this email was being tracked.  Human beings as we are, we often make mistakes, and I sent THIS to lighten up the mood a bit.  The response was hilarious!)

     Email Tracking IS for real!  Didn't you all know this?  You surely CAN track email just by sending and forwarding an email.   In fact, this one is being tracked as you read it.  I'm finding all about you right now.  I now know how many patterns you have, how much yarn you have hidden from your spouse (ha!  and you thought NO ONE would find that one out!)

     I know how much you've spent on yarn the past year (oh, shame on you!) and what you're planning on spending the rest of this year! haha!  I know the PIGS you have all around your house and in your car.  Some of you have even been aided and abetted by your families and friends, and have stashes in their houses, too.

     I have now the name of your secret contact at the LYS, who is feeding your habit.  Oh, yes, we've been monitoring that, too!  They were raided last night!  Now what are you going to do!?  Find another Yarn Pusher? We've got our eyes on the others, too!

     And your deepest, darkest secret: I now have images online of all your UFO'S!  Tremble now at my knowledge!  I've let the cat out of the bag(crocheted with a cat theme, of course) and everybody is going to see all of the proyects you've left unfinished since the late 70's, 80's and 90's!  Even now my Spy Crochet Software is cataloguing them and writing the HTML into a special program, uploading it to the internet and will next send an email to all of the Crochet Partners so they can see them! And you're name and picture will be there for all to see!

     We already did this to another Crochet list, and armed with a Yarn Search Warrant, found a few of them, in closets, weeping in a fetal position, hugging the last of their yarn stash.  Pathetic! 

     And YOU'RE NEXT!