I couldn’t fly back from Neverland due to the dearth of happy thoughts.

There’s a fine line between scuba diving and herding cattle.

I suddenly have a strong desire to shoot a duck.

A kaleidoscope, in my estimation, is not a proper substitution for a flashlight.

“From each according to his ability, to each according to his inherent lack of worth.”

If it will take more than two weeks to solve your problem, just sit down and cry.

Contrary to popular belief, the item in my hand has absolutely nothing to do with chipmunks, squirrels, or any other small woodland creatures.

Whether or not you hate me has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you look like a snowman.

Is it just me, or does Norv Turner look just like Al Gore would at 6 am?

You would be surprised how difficult it is to predict the number of underwear dealers that will exist in St. Louis in a given amount of years.

Regardless of what I am actually wearing, I can totally freak you out right now by writing that I don’t have any pants on.

Is that a banana in your pocket, or is it just a zucchini?

I plan to colour every color in America until everybody realises what I have realized.