Recapitulation regarding certain xenophobic excursions necessarily preempts preposterously aquatinted expectations chronicling presumptuous magnificence aerobically.

Talk all you want about your great technique, but I still am not paying you to lie in bed all day.

The story of history is simply a chronicle of the exploitation of the producers by the wealthy parasites who grow rich at the expense of the common people. The real honor is found in working for the common good. So… how about mowing my lawn?

I just can’t comprehend how you can stand there idly while there are still prunes in this world.

Through much study, I have concluded that mumps and syphilis just don’t mix.

In general, it’s pretty nice, but the problem with this place is the total lack of porridge.

Oh man. I lost four grand last week. I determine from this experience that rabies has a seriously detrimental effect on my poker face.

When caffeine and sleeping pills have exactly the same effect, you’re probably about to die.

Politicians suck, raisins suck, and drugs suck, but I have no problem with raisin manufacturers with drug problems who become politicians.

Few things are less enjoyable than playing Frisbee with a circular saw blade.

When you’re on the subway next to some idiot in a tutu and there’s a strong scent of marijuana mixed with rubbing alcohol, you’ll suddenly realize that you aren’t in Kansas anymore. Then you’ll remember that you’ve never been to Kansas. Then I guess you just ask the alcoholic pothead guy if you can have some.

I think this year we should skip the 17th day of each month and add an extra day to each. Then the kids born on the 32nd of July or something like that would just be babies forever. I guess that would be cool.

There’s a fine line between being eccentric and starting the first club for xenophobic ice creams venders, and though I’m not sure, I think I might have just crossed it.

Perplexed by life’s strange antics, the man decided it was all too much. Resigning to his fate, he somberly took the plunge and became a professional psychopath.

Glomerulonephritis, while it sounds scary, is actually beneficial if you feel like learning way too much about your kidneys.