| Irish Humour |
| Ok lighten up and make sure your smiling before you start reading, did you know that it is psychological fact that we have more fun if we smile. Seen in a Dublin Newspaper Prize crossword. Solve it and win £20,000. For those only playing for fun the answers are on page 14. Sign on the coast by a small Sligo village: When you can't read this sign, the road is flooded. 'Seamus do you understand French?' 'Aye sure I do, if its spoken in English.' Irish Toast May you be in heaven a half-hour before the devil knows your dead. As the Irishman said to Wallace in Braveheart, in order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God. Did you hear about the Irish Kamikaze pilot? He flew 99 missions ......... Spanish singer Julio Iglesais was on a talk show when he used the word 'manyana' which he when asked, explained that it meant that 'maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day or the day after that, perhaps next week, perhaps next year, who cares?' The host then turned to Irishman Shay Brennan and asked do they have a similiar word in Irish. His reply 'No, in Ireland we don't have a word to descibe that degree of urgency.' Why did God invent whiskey? So the Irish would never rule the world. Four priests board a train for a long journey. Shortly into the trip one priest says 'Well we've all worked together for many years, but don't really know one another. I suggest we each tell one another one of our sins.' They look at each other nervously but nod. The first priest since he suggested goes first and says 'With me its the drink, once a year I take me collar off and go out to a pub and drink myself blind for a few days. Get it out of my system.' The priests again look around nervously before the second priest hesitantly starts 'Well with me its gambling. Periodically I nick money out of the poor box, take off me collar and go down to the races and spend it all. Get it out of me system.' The third priest who is very nervous and reluctant then gets around to speaking 'My sin is worse, I take off my collar and go to the red light district, pick out a lass and spend a week in the saddle. I really get it out of my system.' They then all look at the fourth priest waiting. He doesn't say anything. Then one of the other three speaks up 'Come now we've all told our innermost secrets and now its your turn. The fourth priest then starts reluctantly 'Welllllll... I'm a compulsive gossip and cant wait to get off this train!' An Irishman's been at the pub all nite drinkin' when finally the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures then he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air to maybe sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He then crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls straight into bed and goes straight to sleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting 'So you've been out drinking again!' 'How did you know?' he asks. 'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.' Back to Hompage |