| Lost control |
| Why do I listen to this inner voice It whispers there is no other choice I turn hopelessly to my blade Not sure if the decision was made Slowly the cloth begins to stain I can't cope with all this pain To whom belongs this endless shame I will accept all the blame Who can I turn to in the dark of night Who will be there and say it's alright I can't find you, you're too far away As night becomes another bleak day The scars that are showing I cannot hide No one knows how hard I've tried The blood flows and mingles with tears Emptying out all my fears The air is deaf and doesn't understand Did I make these scars with my own hand I cry for you to understand my pain You ask "what's wrong" but I can't explain My life is empty I want to die I can't take it as I scream at the sky Did you hear my desperate call Then why did you let me fall |
| Hope is gone |
| Falling downward under the the waves Fleeing from the dust and haze Fearing everything that dies Looking never toward the skies Calling out, but no one hears Feeling like no one's near Drowning in my fear and shame Forever always taking the blame Finding my way, my path is blocked Hearing my thoughts brutally mocked Silent lips that speak my pain Standing in this torrential rain Fighting every step of the way Yet claiming to try every day Clinging ever to my sin Wishing to fly again Flying skyward over trees Finding then that no one sees |
| Despair |
| Another day is over Another day is past I cannot seem to cover My dread that they might last Each minute seems an hour Each hour to me a day He triumphs as I cower Is there no other way The wheel of fire in my mind Bends me to it's will There is no peace for me to find For it's desire is to kill Where should I go from here My eyes are blinded from the path Should I trust those who are near Or subject myself to wrath My heart is darker than the deep Heavier than a mountain Do I dare to take a leap Into the blood-red fountain |
| Where did I find all this pain I don't know how to make it end I take my blade and cut for sweet release Concentrating on the pain I punish myself for sins unknown A sudden shock as I cut a little deeper I stop because of the shame of the scars Scars that will always be a reminder Another hour another harsh word is said Once again I take all the blame I carve words into my flesh Guilt, anger, hate, fear, lies They make me FALL Later I find I want to cut, but there is no blade I beat my arms till it feels I can't lift them Bruises can be explained I want to cut words, but there is still no blade I take my pen and write the words where they're hidden I want to end my life, but I'm scared I'm crying can you see my tears Trying to empty myself of this pain I hate myself I believe lies I'm angry at nothing I feel shame for what I've done and felt I'm afraid of being discovered Yet, I want you to find the scars Maybe then you will understan that there is PAIN These scars and bruises will fade with time Will the scars on my heart ever fully heal? |
| Untitled |
| Thoughts that scream inside my head Echoing all the words you've said Addicting fears that make me fall Can't get past this outer wall Words contradict what I saw Rubbing old wounds till they're raw What can I say to change your mind I can't think, nor the words can I find Wanting to cut to release the pain Losing belief that I am sane I trusted you and you told me lies I thought you saw the pain in my eyes Why did you not make it end You thought you would make him bend "No evidence" you plainly say I wish I hadn't told you anyway Do you react this way every time Making us feel we're committing a crime I remember all the thoughts I shared Am I to believe you never cared If not, then why only me Did you think I wouldn't see Your goal is more important than how I feel But isn't your goal to help us heal |
| For my pastor |
| No light pierces this darkness Floating in a fallen world Tears blind me as despair consumes my mind Fear is my constant advisor Pain soothes these constant thoughts Open wounds and bruises ease the pressure God, I'm so lost and alone I can't describe the images I see Painted on my eyelids when I close my eyes Words fly solo through my head I try to connect the dots, but I always fail I grasp at fleeting answers They are gone before I've taken hold I'm sorry I've failed Falling in an empty world I alone am listening to the wind screeching It pierces my heart with the sound The confusion is in a multitude of colors Grey and white flow in the same river They're mixed, but they should be different I make no sense, I know The words shape-shift through my mind Dancing beyond my reach Peace tantalizes from afar The pains is soothed with more pain Another person walks through my world No control over what is hurting me Emptiness, sorrow, confusion Falling faster as they bring me down |
| Suicide thoughts |