| Rants and vents |
| I made this section because I want people to see the things I struggle with. I want them to know I'm not perfect and that I still have troubles. Maybe you will find something you can identify with here. I will be adding new 'rants' here all the time. Not all relate to to SI or depression, but some do. |
| You know what I wonder about? I wonder if the happiness in life is worth all the pain. Sometimes I'd rather not have happiness or pain rather than go through life beaten and scarred with fleeting glimpses of something better. Does that make me weak? I don't know. But when I feel like the pain inside is about to overwhelm me I have to wonder why I'm subjecting myself to it. |
| Guy girl relationships. Ach. They can be so stupid. Sometimes I want no part of them when I look around as see everyone around me. I probably won't date till I'm out of highschool. Sometimes I think people are "in love" with being in love. So, they look for someone to be infatuated with and call it love. Perhaps I'm just jealous, but still. One guy has really liked me before. Two weeks later he decided he'd go back to the girl he liked before me. I wasn't even attracted to him, but still it shows how shallow some people can be. I can't deny there have been guys I'm attracted to, but I'd never call it love. I'm too young. God will bring someone into my life when I'm ready. It's hard to be patient though. Especially when everyone around me has someone. |
| Is it worth it to have friends? You only eventually seperate from each other and grow apart. Something always happens and there is so much pain involved. I see people I still consider my friends and they are moving on with their lives. I feel like I'm being left behind. I'm so much younger than most of them anyway. Why do I feel left out? Maybe I should just change my attitude about it and learn to accept. |
| Why is not cutting so hard?! You'd think I wouldn't want to cause myself more pain, but I do. It's so crazy. I know it's bad for me, but I find myself listening to all the lies whispered in my mind about it. I keep thinking I would able to control it if I started again, but I know that's not true. I know it will help how I feel, but it will never truly solve my problems. How is cutting my flesh going to resolve the relationship between my former pastor and my family? How is seeing blood flow going to help me see my friends? How is feeling physical pain going to change what people think of me? How will carving words in my skin make those thoughts go away. It won't, but for some reason it feels like they would. Lies. All lies. |
| Happiness and pain |
| Guys and girls |
| Friends |
| Cutting |
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